Garrison Keillor—the man who has figured out how to simultaneously be a down-how aw shucks Minnesota icon and King of That One Variety of Unbearable Liberal Elite—says he's going to retire in 2013. Because he needs to find his replacement. Ohhhhhh, just hurry it up! Jesus. Anyone who can talk slowly and breathe heavily and tell stories that are set in a small-town diner would work.
The art house's favorite princess is establishing herself on premium cable, just like a regular actress. Also today: some women you may like have landed pilot roles, Mark Wahlberg might take a second round in the boxing ring, and an American Idol theory.
Madame Tussauds unveiled a wax statue of Justin Bieber today. The resulting photos of people interacting with an uncanny lump of boy-shaped wax are sort of horrifying.
Peaches Geldof—the oft-nude British celebutante who shall henceforth be known as Poor Man's Lohan—was questioned by police last night over the alleged theft of a dress from a Camden Town store called Three Amigos. Apparently there was a "misunderstanding" over a "skater-style" dress she had not paid for. This is the fifth "misunderstanding" Peaches has had about clothing she did not pay for in the last five years.
After an early-morning explosion at the Fukushima Daiichi Nuclear Power Station damaged one reactor's steel containment vessel and spurred the removal of emergency workers, officials expanded the evacuation zone and braced for "much larger emissions of radioactive materials." How bad are we talking? "It's way past Three Mile Island already," physicist Frank von Hippel tells The New York Times.
A 29-year-old man was caught in Madonna's London house early this morning holding some of her possessions. It may sound like it was Madge's latest ex-boyfriend returning to pick up his toothbrush, but it was actually a stalker who busted in through a side window. She might want to beef up security to keep those rabid gays out of the house, don't you think?
It's been a while since we last heard news about Carl Paladino — Buffalo's millionaire slumlord-turned failed New York gubernatorial candidate. Well, the Buffalo News has an update on our favorite Tea Partier from the north! Crazy Carl has decided that he doesn't need to pay the campaign staffers, consultants and vendors who helped him run against Andrew Cuomo. According to ex-staffers interviewed by the paper, Paladino still owes out about $130,000 in various fees and salaries. According to ex-staffer Tim Suereth:
Libyan rebels were pushed out of the oil town of Zawiyah today under a heavy assault by pro-Qaddafi forces on the ground and in the air. Things aren't looking too good for the rebels right now: They've lost a lot of momentum, and President Obama, though he's stuck with the "Qaddafi must go" line, has refused to offer any real support to rebel forces. All he would say in a press conference today was that when it comes to U.S. military actions, whether it's a no-fly zone or other options, you've got to balance costs versus benefits. And I don't take those decisions lightly."
A member of the activist collective Anonymous is claiming to be have emails and documents which prove "fraud" was committed by Bank of America employees, and the group says it'll release them on Monday. The member, who goes by the Twitter handle OperationLeakS, has already posted an internal email from the formerly Bank of America-owned Balboa Insurance Company.
Charlie Sheen has a nice meal while the LAPD searches his house for firearms. Ashlee Simpson rebounds with her husband's friend. Monica Lewinsky is "still in love" with Bill. TGIFriday gossip.
