David Koch, the right-wing billionaire who funds much of the Republican party's ideological activities and whose towering persona makes for effective left-wing performance art, gave a rare public comment to New York magazine at some gala or another last night. Does he think the president deserves any credit for the Osama bin Laden mission? Of course not! Socialists don't deserve a farthing's worth of credit for anything.

Kate Middleton's sister usurps Prince Harry as "royal sibling most likely to dance on a banquette." Jesse James hints that Sandra Bullock wasn't that great in bed. Marie Osmond remarries her ex-husband. Thursday gossip knows how to party.

The Associated Press has huffily declined to cover tonight's Fox News Channel GOP "debate" in South Carolina on the grounds that Fox won't let it take photographs during the debate—only before and after. But it does cover presidential addresses under precisely the same conditions.

Yesterday, the Miniatur Wunderland in Hamburg, Germany, opened its model Knuffingen Airport — officially the world's largest model airport — after six years of construction time and over $5 million in costs. Impressive.

We'll never know for certain what Martin Luther King, Jr. would have said about the killing of Osama bin Laden — but luckily, we still have the 14th Dalai Lama to turn to for spiritually elevated words of pacifism and tolerance in these rootin' tootin' times. So what are those words? Well, that Bin Laden kind of had it coming.

Turns out that Bin Laden's guards didn't put up much of a fight—and that those helmet cams didn't work very well. Obama won't release Bin Laden's death pic, so a disappointed nation drowns their bloodlust in fakes. The SEALS that did the deed remain in hiding, and the crazy Bin Laden hunter wants his reward. It's day three of our post-Osama world, with updates.

"Oh no," I thought to looking at the picture at left. "Someone mixed up the Palin girls, and labeled this one 'Bristol Palin.'" But lo! The female at left really is Bristol Palin. And so is the female at right. Did our beloved Teen Mom 2: Republican Boogaloo star use some of that abstinence advocacy money on plastic surgery? Or is her new face the product of normal weight fluctuation? Update: Bristol admits she had surgery, is "thrilled" with new face.

Sure, Madonna created a whole (possibly shady) charity to raise money for schools in Malawi, but do you know how she raises money for daughter Lourdes Leon's schooling? By selling her old Chanel boots.

The sex wars are over, and the men won! Yeah! According to a study! But not just any study—a study of l'amour, a way that guys say "love" when we are being especially seductive.

Are we really doing this? Yes, it looks like we are. Little Mermaid hair is officially "in," according to Rihanna, Blake Lively, and Scarlett Johansson. To achieve this look, soak your hair in red Kool-Aid, brush with sea salt, and rumple to taste.

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid was leaning his hand on a wet, parked car during his morning run today when... oh you can see what's coming. His hand slipped and "the leader tumbled to the ground," as The Hill poetically puts it. It left him with a contusion above the left eye and a dislocated shoulder, but guess what? He's been back and working most of the morning after receiving treatment. And you meanies are always saying he has no spine! Well, maybe that's why he didn't break his spine too. [Image via Getty]

Jennifer Aniston's key grip ex-boyfriend confesses he was too vanilla for her. Katy Perry's Jesus freak parents banned deviled eggs. Charlie Sheen interviews now cost $1 million. Wednesday gossip is out of touch.

When you're dealing with the assassination of the world's most-wanted criminal, you might want to actually know what you're talking about. In the space of 36 hours, the official story on what happened to Osama bin Laden has gone from "he went down guns blazing and taking hostages" to "basically we shot him."

Ugh, another year, another movie from the mind of Stephenie Meyer. Also today: Lots of TV pickup news, including Nathan Lane's return to the small screen. Plus, Anna Faris!

Groupon was finished with receding political footnote Donald Trump, and so the online coupon site pulled its advertising from The Apprentice website a few days ago. By yesterday, though, the two were back in bed together thanks to a coupon.

AIM Healthcare, the private clinic that ran STD tests for California's porn industry, has shut down just a month after news broke that its testing database had been breached and leaked by a Wikileaks knockoff. This has thrown a kink in the porn industry, as AIM was responsible for the majority of STD testing. "AIM has not issued a press release nor made any comment or hint on their website that they have closed," writes porn insider Violet Blue (NSFW). "Disturbingly, their site AimCheck.net has been taken offline. This means anyone who had good tests can no longer access the test results or have them accessed – the online proof and verification of having clean tests is gone."

Beyonce's dress isn't ready for her jelly. January Jones shows off her baby bump. Confederate flag enthusiast Kid Rock gets an award from the NAACP. Charlie Sheen hangs out amid "rotting food." Here's your Tuesday gossip.

Oh, blah. CBS News has announced that scold-face white man Scott Pelley will be Katie Couric's replacement on the CBS Evening News. No surprise whatsoever. I guess CBS went with the surprise candidate last time, and that didn't turn out too well. Still, it's a shame that Watson the Jeopardy Robot won't get his chance.

Pakistan's duplicitous president Asif Ali Zardari — also know as "Mr. Ten Percent" — is upset at the mere suggestion that Osama bin Laden was living a four-minute drive from "Pakistan's version of West Point" with anyone in his administration or security apparatus knowing anything about it. How dare anyone even suggest such an outlandish claim. In fact, Zardari is so confident in where he stands that he decided to write an op-ed for The Washington Post today to clear things up.

Warning: Bumpy Canadian politics ahead! Our increasingly-less-friendly neighbors to the north have spoken loudly at the polls, all but obliterating the moderate Liberals in tonight's national election.