Yesterday was a big day for armed vigilantes in Texas. The state Senate first passed a bill that will allow "legislators, statewide elected officials, some former legislators and some state employees to carry their concealed weapons into churches, hospitals, bars, sporting events — even if a sign is posted saying weapons are prohibited." Do you foresee any problems arising from that?

Alicia Silverstone had a son last week and named him Bear Blu. That sounds more like a cartoon show than a human being. However, we're sure he'll fit right in with Apple, Phineas, and Moroccan at his celebrity pre-school.

They're both new to the neighborhood, and they hate each other. Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg and former deputy Owen Van Natta are apparently moving into the same opulent corner of Palo Alto, California. But Van Natta scored the posher pad.

Bristol Palin, daughter of Sarah, former star dancer, do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do abstinence advocate, and facial shape shifter, has her own reality show. No, it's not Extreme Makeover. It's some crazy project for the Bio channel.

I have always called Jersey Shore the most important sociological experiment of our time, and it seems one intrepid University of Chicago student agrees with me because he's not only stolen my tag line, but is trying to organize an academic conference around the reality show. This is a brilliant idea.

"Crack is whack" singer Whitney Houston is apparently in outpatient rehab for drugs and alcohol yet again. This is her third stint, but the first since 2005.

A shocked nation recoils as Christina Aguilera dares show her face with anything less than professional hair and makeup. Victoria Beckham gets a "quinny buzz." Benjamin Millepied throws a tantrum. Monday gossip has fascist beauty standards.

Julian Assange is looking for some PR help in the Wikileaks London office, and he's apparently conducting some pretty intense, philosophical interviews. It also appears he's been watching Speed.

Gird your loins, everyone, because with Thor opening this weekend, the long summer slog of superhero movies is upon us. Some of them are so good, but some of them are so damn crappy. That's why I've devised a simple formula to figure out which is which.

Today we learned that the vast majority of old people in a room somewhere think Barack Obama is a socialist. Socialism, the great light-red menace! How can we ensure that no one is ever subjected to living in a socialist America? One commenter knows how.

The Los Angeles Times has more details on the previously reported IRS criminal investigation into the Kabbalah Centre and Spirituality for Kids, a charity co-founded by celebrity Kabbalist Madonna.

For those of you rejoicing in bloodlust over Osama bin Laden's death, a piece of advice: Don't go to Germany! They have this bizarre cultural thing about dancing on peoples' graves with blood pouring out of your mouth. And it's entrenched enough that German Chancellor Angela Merkel's statement about being "glad" to hear about bin Laden's death has become a major national scandal, even landing her a criminal complaint from a Hamburg judge today.

Hackers—who may or may not be associated with Anonymous—have access to Sony servers and are planning to attack the company's website this weekend and leak any information they can steal, including, possibly, customer credit card data, reports CNET. This comes just two weeks after an attack on the PlayStation Network exposed the personal data of millions of Sony customers. At this point, Sony might as well just post its payment databases on its own website.

In your hijacked Friday media column: Tina Brown has breasts and used to do it, sexually speaking, to Martin Amis; the Washington Post Co. falls from the profit curve; Robin Roberts may or may not be too tall for morning television, and Howard Kurtz once again acquits himself with the dignity and effortless charisma we've come to expect from him.

Al Qaida has released a statement with some shocking news: Its leader, Osama bin Laden, has been killed in some sort of operation. Details are sketchy, but the terror network confirmed that Americans' "happiness will turn to sadness [and] their blood will be mingled with their tears."

Geez, the federal government sure has made the last year so tough for struggling oil companies to get new offshore drilling leases. And if there's one sector that needs a helping hand these days, well, it's oil. But thanks to House Republicans those dark days will soon be over! Yesterday a bill was passed — creatively titled the Restarting American Offshore Leasing Now Act — by a vote of 266-to-149 to bring back offshore drilling auctions, which had been shelved in order to make sure safety and environmental concerns were addressed — a long, drawn out mess that was probably pretty annoying for oil companies.

Cute and cantankerous Broadway writer/director Arthur Laurents has died at 93. A demigod among showtune fans, he's best known for the books to West Side Story and Gypsy, and directing several of their revivals. RIP Arthur. Heaven's Gypsy awaits. [Deadline]

Five Republicans — Herman Cain, Tim Pawlenty, Rick Santorum, Gary Johnson, and Ron Paul — are debating political stuff in South Carolina at tonight's First Republican Presidential Debate. Where are the "good candidates," you ask? They're busy, doing anything else. But that's no matter; The Pizza Man and Anal Leakage don't need Mitt Romney's help to put on a show. Let's record all the slaps in this Palmetto Punchout, right here. Turn on the Fox News Channel, now!

Our slutty sister site Fleshbot published some shirtless (and pantless!) photos of Kate Middleton's sexy younger brother, James, earlier this week. Then they got some emails from a lawyer demanding Fleshbot take the images down. But it wasn't a real lawyer, it turns out. It seems it was James pretending to be a lawyer.

A great male hope from the late '90s/early '00s just landed a pivotal role in a sure-to-be-big movie. Also today: your real estate dreams could come true, Simon Cowell has a new coworker, and let's look at the boys of the new X-Men.