Curtsies and prostrations to this week's sponsors, who allow us to keep our servers working at least four days a week. Want to help ensure the ISP gets paid on time? More info here.

Yes, yes, yes; we know.

With two weeks to go before she sheds the orange-and-green handcuffs, Mediabistro editor Spiers today bids a fond farewell to her coworkers, issuing a recitation of her (significant) accomplishments and a bout of "nostalgia" for her time at the company.

In a bit of housekeeping, we must take a moment to wish a belated but very happy 21st birthday to Gawker Media Intern and Pool Boy Scott Kidder, who hit the big two-one last Friday. (Sadly, that's one less minor to whom's delinquency Denton can contribute.) After we came into possession of a certain, much-forwarded email, however, we've been concerned that li'l Scotty, who is studying this semester at NYU's program in Florence, might not having been able to celebrate the milestone with the reckless debauchery the occasion demands:

This week's Village Voice is the annual Best of New York issue, and, to be honest, most of it we couldn't muster the energy to actually read. ("Best Borough Connector: Pulaski Bridge"; "Best Place to Catch a Fish You Won't Eat: Harlem Meer"; "Best Use of Lettuce: Porcupine.") But one entry particularly caught our eye, largely because we had a strong suspicion from the git-go of what the winner would be:

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who keep us bathed in goats' blood and swaddled in white robes. Interest in joining the lucrative cult? More info here.

Shellfish don t fry in the kitchen, pork don t burn on the grills in y alls respective apartments today. But in the face of Yom Kippur, Gawker powers on. Since J.Co and Jesse are at services (read: finishing up their degrees at University of Phoenix Online), the site will be manned by guest editors/sabbath goyim Alex Pareene and Noelle Hancock. Jews: Always gotta be hiring other people to do your shit for you, huh?

Already we at Gawker can no longer remember a time when we didn't have our readers create free content for us — Gawker Comments have become an institution (things move FAST in Web 2.0), and here, dear reader, is your incentive to check yourself into that institution:

Thanks to this week's sponsors, who are paying for our special silent birthing room. Interested in ushering our TomKittens into the world? More info here.

Other "specific but not credible" terrorist plots against New York:

So remember yesterday when our generously craniumed masters held guns to our heads and made us write something about the awesomeness of Gawker Media's sports site, Deadspin? And remember how one commenter noted that Gawker Media had become a media industry unto itself? And then remember how ashamed we, your gentle Gawker editors, felt about the whole dirty affair?

We know this is a bit out of sorts for us, but we simply must take a moment to fellate Gawker Media's new sports site, Deadspin. (We'd call him our jocky little brother, but that would make the fellating part more gross than it already is.) Deadspin is a pick of the day over at the venerable Yahoo, and editor Will Leitch won't stop pissing himself until we give him the props he deserves. A cure for that which ails sports journalism as we know it, Deadspin "provides more than just limp links, with an offering of reasoned reviews and informed opinions on the world of sports." Being a Gawker Media site, there's naturally a "healthy dash of rumor and innuendo" in the mix.

Imagine our surprise when, one peaceful, pickle-scented Sunday morning, we found ourselves mentioned, yet again, in Page Six's venerable copy. (Bless their hearts, too, for taking a quote we gave to BlackBook mag out of context.)

Jesse Oxfeld is on assignment this week. Filling in for him is experienced Guest Editor Alex Pareene, whose long-winded comments you've already learned to ignore — you just get to start glazing over a little earlier now, that's all.

Special thanks to this week's sponsors, whose support enables all sorts of subtance abuse. Interested? More info here.

In brief:

• Kate Moss continues her downward spiral after being outed as a very pretty cokewhore. We'll always let you bang a couple lines off of our tummies, Katie darling.
• We lost our minds a bit more than usual and opened up a fancypants comments club. Shockingly, not everyone loves it.
• Times scribe Alessandra Stanley has had some accuracy problems before. But now, things seem to be getting worse much, much worse.
• The Observer suggested Daily News gossipite Lloyd Grove was on his way out, but the man issued a firm, but loving denial.
• A chunk of the Times newsroom dies a bloody death; editor Keller responds with his usual, war-torn rhetoric.
• The Wall Street Journal gave birth to a big weekend baby, which may or may not have a developmental disability.
• Speaking of the developmentally disabled, the TimesSelect premium content was one giant bumblefuck at first. We should note, however, that a kindly NYTimes.com product manager took pity on us — without us asking — and finally made ours work. Turns out we had some weird, funkly problem, but his general advice is: Log out then log back in. We hear that really fixes things.

We turn on comments today, and do you people appreciate it? Noooo.

Eric Alterman, Michael Stipe, and Arianna Huffington walk into a bar...
On Wednesday night, Gawker publisher Nick Denton decided to be a little less selfish than usual and threw a soiree in honor of Arianna Huffington. The Huffington Post founder was in town to distribute air-kisses and feta cheese, which is as good of an excuse as any to fill Denton's loft with 500 billion of our closest frenemies. After the jump, media clusterfucking and chaos courtesy of staff pornographer Nikola Tamindzic.

Everything on Gawker, heretofore, has been written by us. It's fun, sure. But it's lonely sometimes, too: all our words, sitting there by themselves, never getting to play with other people's words. It's time, we realized, for our words to get to frolic with yours, and so we're ready to unveil Gawker Comments.