Remember when Caroline Kennedy convinced media executives to bury the History Channel's The Kennedys mini-series? We may now know what her bargaining chip was: ABC News (which has corporate ties to the History Channel) is preparing to air a series of never-before-heard audio tapes of Jackie Onassis, possibly conversing with historian Arthur Schlesinger, Jr. The tapes are either the juiciest Kennedy dirt imaginable or totally banal, depending who you ask.

Kanye West is running his mouth off again, this time showing some sympathy for the devil. J. Lo and Steven Tyler are fighting about money, Ashton Kutcher is a thief, and Lindsay Lohan finally met someone crazier than her. Monday's gossip is revisionist history.

How would Mike Huckabee, who not long ago was considered a likely frontrunner candidate for president, respond to the S&P credit downgrade? He would hire Donald Trump as Treasury secretary. No but really, this is his actual idea. Even Donald Trump thinks it's dumb.

It's only noon, and already the Dow has dropped by 325 241 336 points. Terror. Panic. Uncertainty. Fear. Should you dump all of your stocks and stash the cash while you still can? No. No. No!

The nostalgic prequel-type movie did surprisingly well this weekend, while the fate of an unexpected summer bomb came clearer into focus and Ryan Reynolds took his second stumble of the season.

This down-and-out actor was thrown out of a sex shop for throwing the toys around. This rapper's teeth smell disgusting. This actor tried to pray the gay away. And this Glee-full actress has a big coke problem. As long as she doesn't touch the dildos, she's in good shape.

Cathay Pacific airlines says it is investigating two leaked pictures (NSFW) that allegedly show a stewardess giving a pilot a blow job in the cockpit of one of its planes. The pictures first appeared in Chinese-language newspapers late last week. An airline spokeswoman said in a statement, "We are conducting a full investigation into the matter and there are some indications that the female shown in the photos may be a member of our cabin crew." And it sounds like the pictures could be legit. From AFP:

Here's a New York Post EXCLUSIVE that will shock you: An Upper East Side mom named Elissa Drassinower was banned from Fairway Market for accidentally walking out of the store without paying for a half-gallon of milk and some beer. It appears that she put the items underneath her baby carriage because the "handbasket was getting so heavy." She forgot to pay for the beverages and walked out of the store, leading a guard to accuse her of shoplifting. Drassinower was then slapped with a lifetime ban from the store. And that's not all! A security guard even took her picture.

As the Syrian military continues the Ramadan massacre of its own people, the hacktivists of Anonymous took control of the Ministry of Defense's website today, posting images of dead protesters with the following message:

Because nobody should be forced to endure an entire 30 minutes of America's most overexposed family every Sunday night, I'll be watching Keeping Up With the Kardashians for you and reporting back with a clip of each episode's most cringeworthy 15 or so seconds.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. From Jennifer Lopez in Cancun to the Glee cast in Los Angeles to Lady Gaga and Emma Stone in New York, here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

Obama adviser David Axelrod has started calling Standard & Poor's major diss of America's credit rating the "Tea Party downgrade," which certainly sounds like an insult against the Tea Party. Yet the Partiers themselves seem to be embracing Axelrod's wannabe-pejorative as a compliment.

A team of U.S. archeologists believe they've found parts of the long-lost pirate ship of Captain Henry Morgan—that's Admiral Sir Henry Morgan to you, scallawag—down in Panama, which is where I, for one, suspected it was located all along.

Every year 2,100 American men are diagnosed with breast cancer, which obviously means that breast cancer is not a "woman's disease." Yet the federal government still treats it as such, as Raymond Johnson—an official Man With Breast Cancer—can tell you.

For pocketbook reasons, we didn't get to travel to Houston this weekend for Rick Perry's The Response: A Call to Prayer for a Nation in Crisis, starring JobJesus and other celebrities of American evangelicopolitics. Luckily some photographers were on the scene to show us what we missed.

Eight people, including an eleven-year-old, were killed today in the Copley, Ohio in what was apparently a domestic dispute that got out of hand.

Congresswoman and Republican presidential candidate/shoo-in Michele Bachmann's made the cover of the latest Cosmo Newsweek—an honor that comes with a new if not entirely original nickname ("the Queen of Rage") and complimentary #QueenOfRage Twitter hashtag. Too bad the photographer startled her like that, eh?

Atlanta rapper Big Boi—one half of Outkast along with André 3000, and star of one of the great episodes of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit—was arrested in Miami on Sunday on drug possession charges. Rappers, right? Always with ecstasy and viagra-fueled cruises!

In Hamburg, Germany, the British beauty products company Soap & Glory has installed Die Badende: a 13-foot high, 67-foot long sculpture of a bathing lady in the waters of Alster Lake. The company did this out of a sense of duty, it seems.

Back in 1979, long before all teenage pranks became felonies, a red-haired Los Angeles high schooler and three of his friends formed a dedicated group of surreptitious home toilet-paperers. Thirty-two years later, this group still exists! And now an ex-member's trying to make a documentary about it.