Mercede Johnston—of the naked Wasilla Johnstons—bares her butt, boobs, and the Palin family's secrets in next month's Playboy.

AOL shares closed down 26 percent today, despite posting its first ad sales increase since the company was spun out from Time Warner. The problem? The disastrous AOL-HuffPo merger seems to be catching up to the internet conglomerate.

"Chronicles of the A train. Chronicles of the A train," says the world-weary straphanger after witnessing this severely one-sided "fight" that is today's entry into the hefty catalog of recent subway insanity. I bet what would help to not have a clearly insane and/ or intoxicated man get his ass beat by the most frustrated of an entire train car's worth of frustrated riders is to shut the train doors more frequently than once every four minutes. That would deprive us all of our day's unsettling voyeurism, though.

Here's an unsettling trailer for the Disney drama The Odd Life of Timothy Green, which stars Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton (doing a Gerard Butler-esque growly American accent) as an infertile couple that gets drunk one night and wills a son into existence.

Is your ego underinflated? Do you lack the mass media ubiquity and blind teen adulation required for true self worth? Luckily there's an iPhone app to help! Meet "Fan Mail."

The Arizona Tea Party constituents who helped reelect John McCain last year are shocked, shocked to hear that he would then go on to make fun of them, by calling them "hobbits" on the Senate floor, immediately after starting his new term.

You know that actors, reality show hosts, and network news anchors make tons of cash, right? But just how much do they make? And who makes more than their fellow stars on shows? And why is Ashton Kutcher the highest paid actor on TV? Let's find out.

Who among us hasn't walked into an Apple store and secretly thought, "Damn, I'd love to loot this place." All those huge, bright windows and all those pricey iPhone 4s waiting to be hurled through them! Apple knows how you feel: The company is locking down its UK stores like Alcatraz.

The folks at Team Obama, like many, see Mitt Romney as the likely Republican nominee for president, and they're already plotting how to "destroy" him, limb by limb. How will they do it? Essentially, Obama will point at Mitt Romney, look to the audience, and whisper, "Just look at this fuckin' weird loser over here, amirite?"

It wouldn't be August without a monster attack, so we're going to try to invent one. Just what is this flying beast attacking passengers on a flight from Madison, Wisconsin, to Atlanta? No one knows!

Polygamist leader and statutory rapist Warren Jeffs has been sentenced to life in prison for sexual assaulting a 12- and 14-year-old as part of a "spiritual marriage." A hoax crime tip led to a raid on Jeffs' Texas compound in 2008; the fallout, however, has been very real.

As night approaches in England, the riots raging in London spread to other UK cities, police flood the streets, residents clean up, and a man dies from riot-related violence. Welcome to day four of the London riots.

This may surprise you, but The Bachelor Pad—a show in which "eighteen former participants from The Bachelor and The Bachelorette come together under one roof competing for half a million dollars"—is quite trashy.

Here's a redband (meaning: NSFW) trailer for the upcoming comedy The Sitter, a David Gordon Green-directed, Jonah Hill-starring swear- and sexapalooza that's sure to have everyone giddy with titillation.

An attentive reader will depart from Ad Age's profile of Foursquare creator Dennis Crowley wondering, "How is this guy possible?" It all just seems so implausible: a startup founder who defaces New York taxis, a guy whose backers prize his hedonism like it was a rare, precious commodity. What a gig.

Last night I was too busy downloading Breaking Bad on iTunes to watch The A-List, but I ran into Dustin and Jayden, Manhattan's most obnoxious homosexuals, as they were leaving the Ritz and they filled me in on all the action. Here's what I overheard.

Faux hippy Wal-Mart and parking lot realness headquarters Whole Foods is happy to sell you 11 billion varieties of hummus, but don't get the wrong idea, wingnuts: Whole Foods is just as scared of Muslims as you! Really!

So Michele Bachmann kept her campaign promise about not voting to raise the debt ceiling. She voted against everything, however Tea Partyish — including Cut, Cap and Balance — that would have raised it one farthing's worth. And now, in a spectacularly brazen dismemberment of factual truth, she's blaming S&P's decision to downgrade U.S. debt on the fact that the debt ceiling was raised at all.

For a harrowing look into the souls of riot-swamped Britons, check out the "Movers and Shakers" list of Amazon.co.uk's "Sports & Leisure" section. What does it say about America that the only time Britons care about our national pastime is when they need to bash heads in? [via Guardian]

Brad is afraid Angie will stab him in his sleep. Kelly Rowland has a double nip slip. Kate Gosselin lures a man with cupcakes, and fails. Jennifer Lopez wears four pairs of Spanx at once. Tuesday gossip draws shallow breaths.