"David Wasserman, of the nonpartisan Cook Political Report, recently calculated that 89 percent of Whole Foods stores... were in counties carried by Obama in 2008," reports Sheryl Gay Stolberg. Not only that! Whole Foods and Obama are also both Muslim.

Lillian Bernhagen, a 94-year-old Ohio woman, was probably surprised when police knocked on her door on Sunday morning. But they weren't after her—just after the 128-foot-blimp in her backyard.

Joining the Tour de Grift Express, the Buss de Bachmann, and all the other Republican buses burning up fuel on America's highways this summer (don't worry, it's probably all biodiesel) is this sleek new model just unveiled by the Rick Perry campaign in Iowa. Grand!

Stamp collector Willem van der Bijl, who disappeared in North Korea only to re-appear with a praiseful op-ed in the state-run Pyongyang Times, has returned home. Turns out he'd been arrested! So, take his column with a grain of salt.

In response to the death of Kelly Thomas—the homeless, schizophrenic man from Fullerton, California who died after being Tased and brutally beaten by police officers last month—the hacktivist collective Anonymous has announced plans to attack the Fullerton Police Department's "Interwebz" if its demands aren't met.

Time for some hot gossip from the 1940s, everybody! Twentieth-century fashion designer and 21st-century movie subject Coco Chanel was an anti-Semite who "dabbled in Nazi foreign policy" and also dabbled in sexual relations with Nazis, says a new book about her.

The reality of Pippa Middleton's butt is debated. Two stars of The View get married. Charlie Sheen continues to exist. Sunday gossip is disappointed with its showing at Iowa, but is in this for the long haul.

Althea Ricketts says that where she comes from, hitting kids with computer cables is a "common" way to discipline them. This is ostensibly why she allegedly she beat her son with a computer cable for having a Facebook page.

What is Michele Bachmann running for, again? "I'm running for the presidency of the United States," the Iowa straw poll winner helpfully clarified to Meet the Press host David Gregory on Sunday morning. "I'm not running to be anyone's judge." Except for, apparently, gay couples with kids, whom the congresswoman refused to describe as "families." But stop asking Michele Bachmann about that! This isn't "what people are concerned about right now"! Even though it is, according to Michele Bachmann, "the defining political issue of our time."

Five people were killed on Saturday night when strong winds caused a stage at the Indiana state fair to collapse, minutes before the band Sugarland was scheduled to perform.

Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty has abandoned his sad quest for the presidency after a disappointing third-place finish in yesterday's Iowa straw poll. He told staff Sunday morning.

Well holy prize-winning cow: Minnesota Congresswoman and downgrade instigator Michele Bachmann did it, she won the GOP straw poll in Iowa. Time to fry up your butter stix and celebrate/beckon death's call!

The ambitious Spanish sandwich chain 100 Montaditos plans to out-Starbucks Starbucks in the rapid growth department by building 4,000 restaurants in the U.S. over the next five years. Could a European company actually pull off such a feat?

How can we possibly eliminate terrorism? Jennifer S. Bryson, chief sex perv at the conservative Witherspoon Institute, knows the answer: We need to study porn. Closely.

A "friend" of George Soros says the 81-year-old Hungarian mogul used to make his Brazilian ex-girlfriend Adriana Ferreyr sit at the children's table during his Sunday brunches in the Hamptons—ostensibly because she's 28, which is very young.

For allegedly stealing a 24-ounce can of Steel Reserve, Victoria Hill of Boise, Idaho now faces up to ten years behind bars. Officers charged her with felony burglary, because she stuck the beer in her purse and walked by some cash registers—thereby indicating "intent."

Hundreds of pages of documents relating to the suicide of Rutgers student Tyler Clementi were released today, and, well, if you thought the story of a gay college freshman jumping off the George Washington bridge after his roommate set up a spy cam in their dorm room couldn't get any more unbelievably sad and tragic... think again.

A judge has thrown out a defamation lawsuit filed by "Brooklyn-born and bred" coffee shop Gorilla Coffee against the New York Times—upholding the paper's right to report on mean things that people say about each other during disputes. Kind of an important part of a newspaper's job, if you think about it.

Maybe you were out enjoying the summer weather this week and couldn't check your favorite Gawker Media sites. Or maybe you're about to head outside and want one last distraction before you go. Well, whatever the case, we've got you covered. Here are some of the most amusing and entertaining videos we watched during the week that was.

Looking for a candidate who comes across like a thinly-veiled George W. Bush caricature from some forgotten mid-2000s political satire? Good news! Rick Perry just announced his candidacy for president. (Of all of the United States.) And he made it through his announcement speech without executing a single innocent person!