Twitchy sociopath James Murdoch may be on thin ice at News Corp., Reuters' Peter Lauria reports. Despite a public vote of confidence from his father during last week's earnings call—"I have full confidence in James"—some News Corp. executives are preparing for a post-James world, on account of how he lied to Parliament.

Life's hard, but being dead is an even bigger pain in the ass. Here are some horror stories from people who were mistakenly declared dead by the Social Security Administration, which wrongly "kills" over 14,000 people each year. What do you do if it happens to you? Here's a useful guide:

Four concertgoers at Belgium's Pukkelpop Music Festival lost their lives today when the festival's main stage collapsed in a strong storm. This is the third such incident this summer, after storms took out stages in Ottawa and Indiana, the latter killing five people. Either the stages are getting weaker, or the storms are getting stronger.

Groupon plans to sell itself to the public at a $30 billion valuation. It's worth noting, then, that the online discounter has accumulated liabilities that greatly exceed its assets and is now running low on cash. The technical term for this is "broke ass poor."

Donald Trump bought himself a gold-plated 757 so that he can cruise around the country and pretend like he's running for president in a desperate attempt to remain in the spotlight. Knowing how much everyone in America cares about the details of his private air fleet, Trump posted a video tour of the monstrosity on YouTube. Let's check it out.

Cartoon Texan Rick Perry was asked this morning if he believed in evolution, and his answer was surprising. Not because he does not, in fact believe in evolution (it's just "a theory that's out there"), but because he admitted that the alternative to teaching evolution in schools is essentially religious indoctrination.

Who knew that Michele Bachmann was such a fluent speaker of the Spanish language? No one knew that, because she isn't. But she'll try anyway. Consider the new word she invented, just today: "Hombre-ette."

Hypochondriacs stop reading now, because there is an outbreak of deadly brain-eating amoebas. OK, only three cases so far, but still, there is a scary parasite out there in lakes and ponds just waiting to eat out your brain like a little zombie. Not even neti pots are safe!

America! Who likes it? It's merely a schizophrenic jumble of 50 warring personalities all vying to be number one. But of course they can't all be. So which state is the best? And more importantly, which one is worst? Well, we've set out to determine just that. Welcome to the Worst States in America.

Usually Senator Tom Coburn of Oklahoma is a classy guy. He's long been one of President Obama's good Republican friends, he's open to raising more tax revenue, and he actually called Nancy Pelosi a "nice lady" once. So it's strange to see him now making jokes about shooting all of his colleagues, claiming that Medicare makes things worse for old people, and making gross generalizations about black people, all in one lovely summer day of townhallery.

Joe Biden is currently touring China, where his speeches are so long and boring, they are literally inciting violence. Or, so says the Chinese government, which has been trying to shove reporters out the door every time Biden calls for "openness and candor" in Chinese-American relations:

Hey, did you hear that a bunch of new words were added to the dictionary? Some geeky words like, "noob," "woot!" "sexting," and "retweet." Oh, woe is us. The English language is doomed.

Listen up, poors: important "news you can use" about how the government will take your children away from you, for some bullshit. They can't technically take your kids away just for being poor, but god forbid you smoke a spliff.

The last time the economy collapsed, CNBC money-clown Jim Cramer basically said, "Don't panic! Buy Bear Stearns! What could go wrong?" That advice didn't work out so well for him. So this time, he's modulating.

Thanks to the New York State Legislature, gay marriages are all the rage right now, but someone might want to tell the owner of Here Comes the Bride, a bridal shop in Somers Point, on the Jersey Shore (the actual shore, not the show). She just refused to sell a lesbian a wedding dress.

Gwyneth Paltrow accepts responsibility for saving a woman's life on 9/11. Terrorists want to maim David Letterman. Jennifer Hudson is prefers losing weight to winning Oscars. The suicidal Housewives star's family might sue Bravo. Thursday gossip is "deeply moved."

It's Thursday, meaning that the United States financial markets are collapsing again. The Dow is down nearly 400 points already today. Why so negative, everyone with money?

Here is a trailer for Trespass, no not a reissue of the 1992 Bill Paxton/Ice-T/Ice Cube collaboration, rather a new movie starring Nicole Kidman and Nicolas Cage as a wealthy couple suffering a home invasion. It looks... yikes.

This comedian thinks it's funny to rub his dick on pretty ladies he meets on set. This actor's mom is a hoarder. And this actor's house is full of stinky animals. He should move in with the hoarding mom!

An out-of-work bricklayer living in Guadalajara claims to have found an actual fairy while picking fruit. He then did what anyone lucky enough to stumble upon such a rare and magical creature as this might do: He placed the fairy in a container of formaldehyde, and is charging people to look at it.