Are you a Navy SEAL trapped in the body of a cubicle-bound insurance salesman? Do you watch commando documentaries and think to yourself, "shit, I could do that"? Maybe you even drive a Hummer. Well, Texas of all places has just the weekend activity for you: Hunting feral hogs with night vision goggles and assorted tactical military gear! You can play war with other grown-ups and and walk away with an actual body count.

Phoenix, Arizona was enveloped by a giant dust storm on Thursday afternoon, marking the third time a haboob has hit the city in two months. The wall of dust caused the city's sky to turn brown, its power lines to fall down, and its transportation systems to slow to a halt. But it also made possible this amazing time-lapse video of the storm's approach. [YouTube, AP]

For most babysitters, taking an infant for a ride in the stroller means securing the baby in one and then gently pushing the child down the sidewalk. For Florida resident Keyona Davis, it apparently means putting the baby and stroller into a truck bed and then taking the kid for a drive on some of Daytona Beach's busiest roadways. Davis was arrested and charged with child neglect on Wednesday. Video of her bad babysitting behavior is above. [WESH]

Lung cancer, a notoriously hard-to-diagnose and deadly disease, has a new enemy: dogs! German researchers have discovered that they can actually smell it on your breath.

From The Sun — the same people who brought us the hoax known as Botox Mom, so take this with a grain of salt (and 200 sticks of butter) — comes the story of Susanne Eman, an Arizona mother of two boys who is consuming 20,000 calories a day in an attempt to reach her goal of 1,600 pounds. (She weighs 728 now.) Why 1,600? Because it would make her the fattest human being in history, of course!

Anderson Cooper signed off CNN last night with a minute-long giggle fit caused by a poop joke he'd told about French actor/plane urinator Gérard Depardieu. To most, the video of Cooper's on-air breakdown made for some great morning entertainment. But it meant much more to Stephen Colbert, as you'll see in this segment from tonight's Report.

Here's a lawsuit that might leave you scratching your head: The parents of a 15-year-old model were apparently aware that photographer Jason Lee Parry was snapping her around L.A. in March 2010, in a shoot that required her to pose "in a blatantly salacious manner with her legs spread, without a bra, revealing portions of her breasts," according to the filing. Uh, okay. But now they're suing Urban Outfitters — as well as two other retailers, and Parry himself — for putting those images on T-shirts and other merchandise, and selling them in their stores. They're seeking $28 million in damages.

Although a proposed tax rate increase for top-level earners would reduce America's budget deficit by about $700 billion over 10 years, right-wing pundits on Fox News and elsewhere have decried it as "class warfare" that would only put a small dent in the national debt.

Well, this is somehow fitting. No 2,000-person parties. No Jennifer Hudsons singing "Happy Birthday." No staff cheeseburger outings. No, the other 50th birthday of note in the administration—that of bedraggled Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner—was observed with only a single cupcake, poised on a Starbucks cup, barely sturdy enough to support the "5" and "0" candles lodged into its modest crown of icing, sprinkles and crushed nuts. Hang in there, Franzy. [Flickr via Atlantic Wire]

Yesterday we brought you the unfortunate story of 8-year-old Tayce Nickel, who was attacked by a macaque in a Wal-Mart parking lot in Springfield, Missouri. We cited a local news report which quoted the monkey's owner, who said that Tayce had entered their SUV and was then "scratched" by Charlie.

Just in time for sexting's auspicious debut in the dictionary, comes a perfectly salacious item that will give your mother a reason to look it up: Police have busted a "teen sexting ring" (ed. note: LOL), implicating two dozen horny, Vermont high schoolers in an elaborate round of Dick Pic, Dick Pic, Goose.

A group of Franciscan monks are furious over two recent thefts of rare and expensive bibles from the lectern of their 15th century church in Florence, Italy. So they took action, pinning up a note for their congregation in which they expressed hope that the thief would see the error in his ways and return the bibles. Should he not, however, they added:

An air of excitement and danger swirled around Portland's Arbor Lodge Park this morning, as a bomb squad cordoned off the area and detonated a tennis ball suspected of being a homemade bomb.

Rogue Ron Paul supporter Robert Morrow took out a full-page ad in an Austin alt-weekly to ask a question: "Have you had sex with Rick Perry?" If you are a "stripper," "escort," or "young hottie" who has enjoyed a tall glass of that sweet Texas tea known as Gov. Rick Perry, then the Committee Against Sexual Hypocrisy (CASH) would like a word with you. "Is it a real group? No. It's just me," Morrow tells Salon.

Ashton Kutcher's editorship of Details was, as we noted yesterday, a brazenly self interested and highly misleading act of journalism. But it may have been a federal crime, too, judging from what the New York Times is reporting.

Yes, ladies and germs, you might just be seeing a little more of Mr. Manganiello. Also today: bad news for Kat Von D, good news for Josh Groban, and this summer is going to save the movie industry.

DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

Larry Flynt, perpetual king of the publicity stunt, has offered Jersey Shore's awful outfit wearer Mike "The Fitchuation" Sorrentino money to wear his Hustler line of clothes. This comes days after Abercrombie & Fitch offered him cash not to wear A&F clothing in the world's first case of reverse product placement.

President Obama is beginning his third consecutive annual family vacation to Martha's Vineyard, in August, when literally nothing happens anywhere. On a scale from 10 to 10, how furious does this pretend to make you? Because it makes some people very pretend unhappy!

It's hot in Japan, and finally coming to the U.S.: For $2 or $3 per title, you can have your book collection lovingly scanned, emailed, and ground into dust. You don't even have to dispose of the corpse. Progress!