Ever since John Galliano flamed out and was fired as head designer for Dior after an anti-Semitic rant, the historic French fashion house has been without a creative director. Apparently very American (and ironically very Jewish) designer Marc Jacobs might fill the position.

Many completely correct adjectives come to mind when you think of presidential frontrunner Willard "Mittens" Romney: Slick, gross, rich, cheesy, evil, hilarious, weird, and, especially, white. But no one ever talks about how old he is. Did you know he's kind of old?

What's the reason for the unabated plunge of Wal-Mart's sales for the past two years? We assumed it was because Wal-Mart sucks a big one. In fact, there may be a mathematical explanation!

As we speak, Hurricane Irene (upgraded from "tropical storm" this morning and the first Atlantic hurricane of the season) is ravaging the Caribbean. So obviously, the next question on your mind must be, "But how are local celebrities doing?" The New York Post will have you know that Kate Winslet narrowly escaped a fire at Richard Branson's private isle in the British Virgin Islands. Branson's guests all got out safely, but his home, office, and "thousands of photographs" were "completely destroyed."

If you were a former three-term governor of New York and had dealt with all of Albany's crap for 12 years, wouldn't you hate politics and life so much that you'd want to go fishing or golfing or part-time corporate lobbying all the time, alone, while anxiously awaiting your death that just can't come soon enough? Yeah, you would! But if you're George Pataki, you apparently want to run for president. Hmm.

You know how much we love a time-lapse video of New York! Here's one of the work done on the 9/11 memorial between 2004 and 2011. Why doesn't this thing have the dramatic soundtrack and whirling lights we're used to?

The hits have not kept coming for Wikileaks. Since its massive diplomatic cables dump, the secret-sharing site has kept whatever secrets it's come across to itself. Now it appears a disgruntled former Wikileaks insider deleted them all.

Cops bust Kim Kardashian's wedding, but let them eat butt plug cake. Jerry Seinfeld disses child fans. Kimberly Stewart births Benicio del Toro's baby. Chris Rock is a "divo." Monday gossip is black and white and read all over.

This A-List stud showers so rarely he stinks up the entire movie set. This director likes to bust up marriages, this actor and soap star are both on the juice, and this Twilight actress charges for her company. At $50,000 a night, you better hope she bathes first!

It's true! Lady movies are officially the go-to fare for the final summer month. Though, don't discount apes. Don't discount them ever, we've learned this summer. We've also learned that America only has room for one Conan.

Libyan Colonel Muammar Qaddafi is enjoying his last tango in Tripoli (or Venezuela, or Zimbabwe) while rebels search for him and fight pockets of regime loyalists in the city. Since he finally seems to be on the ropes, here's a quick look back at the Brother Leader. [Image via AP]

Young suburban rapper Machine Gun Kelly started a Flash Mob™ at a mall in Ohio on Saturday, and was ejected along with some friends by police. At one point, MGK even stood up on a food court table! That's some hardcore shit. You can watch the Official MGK Flash Mob™ version here.

Every day, celebrities across the world are followed and photographed by the omnipresent paparazzi, often to entertaining results. Here are some of the more amusing shots from the past week.

You'd be forgiven if you'd mistakenly thought you were experiencing déjà vu as you thumbed through the Sunday New York Times, as two nearly identical front-page features ran in the Styles and Business sections. Each offered its own, fellated love letter to an emergent breed of carefree young fucks.

Tharvin Benitez, 21, is currently in an Illinois jail after an arrest last May on felony drug charges. But his first child with girlfriend Jessica Ortiz is due any day, and the two wanted to be married before it arrived — so they petitioned for a courthouse wedding. And what do you know! Not only did DuPage County Judge Blanche Fawell — the presiding judge on Benitez's criminal case — sign off on it, she officiated the ceremony herself.

A 49-year-old man employed at an American Apparel factory in Garden Grove, California, was "crushed by a circular knitting machine," according to a report on the Orange County coroner's website.

A Nebraska man has filed a medical malpractice lawsuit against a Dallas hospital for having entered for a routine tonsillectomy, and exited a human tracking device.

After months of trying, rebel forces finally and quickly entered the capital city of Tripoli—busting through 42-year dictator Muammar Qaddafi's "ring of steel defense." Ecstatic Libyans are celebrating in the streets, honking their horns, jumping up and down, and chanting "down with Qaddafi! or Khaddafi! or however the fuck you spell it ... Gah!"

GOP presidential candidate Michele Bachmann says the reason why she confuses Elvis Presley's birthday with his death day, and Russia for the Soviet Union, and herself with John Wayne Gacy when she means John Wayne—John Wayne, guys—is because "when you speak six times a day, slip-ups can occur."

Instead of creating cuddly animals that people might actually want (mini-giraffes for the home, hamsters large enough to put on a leash and take for walks), some Harvard University scientists are mixing up chicken DNA to make "embryos with alligator-like snouts instead of beaks." Great!