One week ago, for the duration of rush hour, officials shut down all four downtown San Francisco BART stations — the heart of the commuter subway system — in response to a small protest by Anonymous. Today, the hacktivists are back. Whether the chaos returns is up to BART.

A prominent Silicon Valley investment firm has hired a college sophomore as an associate venture capitalist. Before you rush out to dump all your tech stocks in anticipation of the coming bubble crash, know this: She's a high achieving college sophomore.

Time for an insanely depressing story about Americans living in squalor: A Florida couple was charged with child neglect today after police found them living in the above-photographed trash-stuffed car with their three children, the Orlando Sentinel reports.

The universe's most perfect couple, professional make-believers Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie, have put their Malibu dream mansion on the market for an affordable $13.75 million. They're selling the 4,000 square-foot, four-bedroom home presumably because they tend to spend most of their downtime at their 900-acre chateau estate in France. You know how that is. [Real Estalker, photos via PCN and Getty]

Preaching fit! Ninja warriors! Muscle cream! Bulletproof skin! Bite counters! Vanity benefits! Meditation strength! Novak Djokovic! And the stunning origin of the TRX workout trend! It's your Monday Fitness Watch, where we watch fitness—bitingly!

Silicon Valley's loathsome side is ready for its closeup again, judging from the recent press. You know, the side that says it deserves a tech bubble even as it insists none is forming; the side that's greedy but pretends money doesn't matter; and the side that dresses up clubby insularity as a virtue.

According to data on same-sex couples released by the U.S. Census Bureau, the gayest city in these 50 states is, not surprisingly, Provincetown, Mass., the vacation spot of circuit boys, insane writers, and homosexuals who make a whole lot more money than any of us.

You'd think that with all their Googling to find the Spark Notes of the novels they didn't read, today's students would understand how the search engine works. Wrong: They are completely clueless!

Here's a trailer for Carnage, a movie based on the Yasmina Reza play God of Carnage, about two yuppie couples warring over an incident between their sons. It was filmed in Paris but takes place in, of course, Brooklyn.

Mitch Winehouse, the father of late singer Amy, is returning donations that fans made to the Amy Winehouse Foundation. Why? Apparently because someone else is using the domain name he wanted.

Forty-three years after his assassination, Martin Luther King, Jr., has taken his place on the National Mall: the MLK Memorial in Washington, D.C., was unveiled to the press today, in advance of its official dedication next week. It captures the great civil rights martyr just as he was in life: Trapped in a big white rock, like Han Solo frozen in carbonite, with some other rocks piled up behind him.

Megan Fox has officially stepped down as president of the Marilyn Monroe Society for Unoriginal Starlets. In an interview with Italian magazine Amica, Fox explains why she's removing her Marilyn tattoo:

A survey by British principals found teachers fear Facebook more than they fear official schools inspectors, with 20 percent having received online abuse or threats. It's just the latest evidence that people turn into Facebook maniacs when school is involved.

Last night's episode of Lady Marmalade(-Colored) picked up where the Jacqueline/Bouffant blowdown left off last week. And then things got worse. And then worse still! Mother and daughter are at wits end.

A new study that followed more than 10,000 people for 22 years showed that women tend to gain weight in the two years following getting married and men typically gain weight two years after getting divorced. Every couple is doomed!

Gilded dildo casket Donald Trump sure was peeved during his weekly call into Fox News' illiterate dementia variety hour, Fox & Friends, today. Muammar Qaddafi, he's no good, sure, but why do the people of Libya now get to manage all of that sweet untapped brent crude under the sands of their own country? Can't NATO, meaning America, just sort of take it now?

Welcome to the terrible nexus of Foodie and Earth Mama culture: In "The Placenta Cookbook," New York Magazine reports that the placentas of Brooklyn are no longer content to be buried in gardens, or ground into powder and consumed as nutrient-rich dietary supplements. (That is so 2009.) Every placenta who is any placenta gets blended into a coconut juice smoothie, or Bloody Mary, or placenta jerky strip:

Dominique Strauss-Kahn, the former International Monetary Fund chief and living Pepé Le Pew instantiation who was arrested last May for raping a hotel maid, will see the charges against him formally dropped tomorrow, according to his accuser's lawyer.

All Americans spend 90% of their time at work screwing around on the internet. This is why America's so great! According to science, browsing the internet for fun makes you a better worker.

We continue today in our journey to the bottom of the state-based cesspool that is America, praising eight more territories for their meager good and shaming them for their overwhelming terribleness.