Bravely we soldier on, like Dante into Inferno, toward the worst state in the union. We reach the midway point today, folks, so abandon all hope ye who enter.

Facebook just filed plans to massively expand its campus into a largely self sufficient complex, complete with doctor's offices, laundry services, tribal "garages," and an open pit for roasting dead animals. Just in case the social network and its 27-year-old CEO didn't resemble Lord of the Flies enough already.

First it was Chuck E. Cheese, and now it's Tweety Bird. A Dallas mother is furious with the Six Flags Fiesta Texas amusement park after noticing that in a photo taken with her daughters, Tweety Bird appears to be giving the middle finger.

Woah! There was just an earthquake! The ground swayed for maybe 10-15 seconds here in New York. The US Geological Survey is reporting a 5.8 magnitude quake hit Mineral, Virginia. Our D.C correspondent Jim Newell says the quake was much stronger down there, shaking his house and rattling things but not knocking anything down. Updates below.

Another day, another drop in new home sales. Another week, another rise in delinquent mortgages. Wake up, American paupers: the American dream of home ownership is dumb.

With the start of Anderson Cooper's new daytime talk show, Anderson, just weeks away there's speculation that CNN's biggest closet case will be coming out during the daylight hours. So will he? And just when would he do it? Let's speculate.

Americans are smartening up and staying the hell away from school. We recently came to our senses and started avoiding law school. And now, we're avoiding fake colleges, as well. We'll make something of ourselves yet, fellow Americans!

Bennifer 2.0 has a bun in the oven. Will and Jada Smith might be breaking up. Amy Winehouse's toxicology report is complete. Katie Holmes has a "cupcake emergency." Tuesday gossip struggles to avoid the Kardashians.

This leading lady got her face stretched so tight it's unbelievable. This star bought a new TV with the money he was going to give to charity, and this actress is hitting on married men. That will keep her young until it's time for a face lift.

According to this CNN screenshot (apparently from Monday), Libyan rebels are advancing on Tripoli, Lebanon. Wrong continent, guys! They all do sort of look the same, if you are a 4th grader trying to pass her geography pop quiz.

Col. Muammar Qaddfi's high-profile son Seif al-Islam was said to have been captured late Sunday night by Libyan rebels — a claim that was repeated by the International Criminal Court in the Hague where Seif is charged with war crimes along with his father. But early this morning, Seif showed up at Tripoli's Rixos Hotel in a white limo to talk a little shit to foreign journalists. He even took reporters on a guided tour: "We are going to hit the hottest spots in Tripoli."

Jasmine Fike is a 15-year-old Colorado teen who had decided she wanted to run away from home. But she didn't want it to look like she'd run away, concocting instead an elaborate hoax that made it seem as if she had been kidnapped by a former drug dealer she'd met only once. (Because if there's any way to prevent people from looking for you, it's to make it seem like you've been abducted. Great, teenager logic!)

[Ed. Note: For this next post, we ask that you blow the dust off your original vinyl copy of License to Ill. Or else just command-click here.]

Nick Ashford, of Motown songwriting duo Ashford & Simpson, has died at 70 from throat cancer. He co-wrote "Ain't No Mountain High Enough," "You're All I Need to Get By," "Reach Out and Touch (Somebody's Hand)," and "I'm Every Woman."

There's an art to shit-talking your co-workers. If you are to indulge in it, there's a certain checklist of precautions you'll need to take:

A Tacoma woman crashed her car on Monday, all because she lost control of it after giving a passing motorist the finger.

The legal filing on Monday to dismiss charges of sexual assault against Dominique Strauss-Kahn contained within it one crusty footnote, illuminated by the blacklight-wielding investigators of The Smoking Gun: The $3,000-a-night Sofitel suite where the former IMF head stayed last May, and where his accuser said the alleged crime had occurred, contained within it remnants of ejaculate from anywhere from four to seven other men.

Jared Gilmore, the third to play Bobby Draper on Mad Men, on his TV mom: "Be careful around January [Jones]. She's not as approachable as the others. She's really serious about what she does. Everyone else is so nice."

David Letterman returned to the Late Show on Monday, his first broadcast since word got out that a jihadist had marked him for death and demanded his tongue be cut out over a nonsensical joke about Sarah Palin.

After announcing in 2005 that bisexuality was merely an unproven theory, Northwestern University has doubled back and proven that — Eureka! — bisexual men actually exist. And it turns out that advancing bi-science was hard work.