Somehow, even as we typed the words you know, the one's where we reluctantly admitted feeling a momentary, uneasy kinship with Jessica Simpson we just knew a reality check bitch-slap addendum was forthcoming; we just didn't realize how soon. Creepy Svengali/manager/chromosome-donator Joe Simpson clears things up:
Hollywood PrivacyWatch celebrity sightings are submitted by our readers. Send yours to tips[AT]defamer.com (please put sighting or PrivacyWatch in the subject line) and let everyone know that Jake Gyllenhaal's feeble attempts to obscure his identity while in public will inevitably fail.
THR wins the race to quickly reword the press release announcing Marc Shmuger and David Linde's promotions to chair and co-chair, respectively, at Universal, with Variety's entry still TK. [THR]
The FCC makes its first ruling under new chair Kevin Martin, fining CBS a record $3.6 million for a supposedly indecent episode of Without a Trace and upholding the $550,000 penalty for 2004's Super Bowl "wardrobe malfunction," setting a clear (and expensive) precedent for future nipple-shield-related infractions. [Variety]
William Hurt will play Kevin Costner's evil alter-ego in Mr. Brooks, the psychological thriller with the decidedly not-so-thrilling title. [THR]
SAG is contemplating a cable strike, as their made-for-cable contract has not been revised in 16 years. Meanwhile, the local service industry salivates over the possibility of a sudden surplus of cheap labor. [Variety]
The CW assures potential advertisers that it's committed to being totally horny for the 18-to-34-year-old demographic. [THR]
Our assumption that Jessica Simpson spends the majority of her down time pointing and laughing at unflattering tabloid photos of a chunky, acne-beset Britney Spears turns out to be at least partially off-base: Simpson has been keeping busy visiting the capital in support of her pet charity cause, Operation Smile, which offers free plastic surgery to overseas children with facial deformities. Even more amazingly, Simpson managed to do what Robert Redford and Tina Turner could not: turn down an audience with the President.
Fans of South Park were disappointed last night when a scheduled rerun of the show's infamous, Scientology-mocking "Trapped in the Closet" episode, in which Tom Cruise locks himself in new Hubbardite savior Stan's closet, was quietly yanked. The Hollywood Interrupted blog reports that a threat from Cruise himself may have been behind the episode's sudden disappearance:
An operative on the Universal lot shot us this message a few moments ago:
As Superman Returns' release date of June 30 quickly approaches, look for media coverage to increase from a meager trickle of mostly gossipy items on the subject of Brandon Routh's goodies to a full-on torrent of Warner Bros.-sanctioned, P.R.-friendly coverage. USA Today took its flying leap into Supermania today with a "first look" gallery of the bulge in action, accompanied by a story which ledes with the passing of the (giant, flaming) torch:
Like a slasher movie psychopath refusing to be put down despite a liberal amount of shotgunning and a wrought iron fireplace poker to the eyesocket, ClooneyGate shambles forward once again, however briefly. NY Daily News JV gossip Lloyd Grove talked to the "spitting mad" non-blogging actor, who expressed his defiance in the face of pressure from HuffPo host Arianna Huffington:
· Following up on the earlier trade round-up post including Benicio Del Toro's plans to star in the The Wolf Man remake, a couple of readers reminded us of Del Toro's touching turn as Duke the Dog-Faced Boy in Big Top Pee Wee. He's definitely ready to take it up a notch to full-on wolf.
· Where's Andrae? Why, he's at the Red Lobster with Tim Gunn, sillypants! [via realityblurred]
"The Red Ranger" and Austin St. John are both perfectly acceptable gay porno names.
Jesus! It's Eva Longoria's 31st (coughcough) birthday! Be nice! Fuck!
Is it too soon to be pining for Brokeback parodies? Probably. But at least this one tries to redeem those sinning cowpokes.
· As if the idiot box doesn't consume enough of your life as it is, a return to the William S. Paley Television Festival tonight will put you in the same room as the cast of Weeds (including Mary-Louise Parker and Elizabeth Perkins), who we're sure will discuss in detail the frustrations of toiling in Showtime obscurity.
· Wednesday night music round-up: The Arctic Monkeys try not to spontaneously combust from their crushing buzz at the Henry Fonda; Josh s Cocaine Freakout at The Cocaine at Live Jazz; Flock of Seagulls at the Viper Room.
· Former New Yorker staff writer Lawrence Weschler reads from his latest essay collection (and contribution to the McSweeney's canon), A Wanderer in the Perfect City: Selected Passion Pieces, at SkyLight Books. [via flavorpill]
In her new column, the LA Weekly's Nikki Finke generously offers to help jog the memory of amnesiac Paramount emperor Brad Grey, who recently told the NY Times that he was only "casually acquainted" with Wiretapping Trial of the Century subject Anthony Pellicano, by reminding him about a project the two men were involved with in the past:
Vin Diesel may play the clown at his premieres, but on the inside, he's a serious guy with big plans (he's still chasing his crazy, pachyderm-filled, eleventy billion dollar dream to get his Hannibal trilogy made—in Punic!) and who isn't immune to the pain of the oft-whispered speculation about his sexuality. He confides to Details, the go-to publication for men seeking to dispel dogged gay rumors:
The morphing 3-D cover of the Weinstein Co.'s upcoming DVD release of Transamerica, courtesy of our new DVD-centered blog neighbor Pan and Scan, might lead the uninitiated to think that the much lauded central transformation at the heart of its story involves Felicity Huffman turning from a Hollywood actress after two hours of hair and makeup into some sort of Bible Belt Mary Kay saleswoman. Of course, she actually plays a male-to-female transexual, which leads us to question why they felt compelled to recreate the trannie-uglification makeup process on the DVD box. It's a gimmick that completely misses the point and spirit of the movie itself a marketing misfire with undercurrents of self loathing ("That's not a real woman but this is!"). Our cynical side assumes they merely wanted to cash in on Huffman's Desperate Housewives persona, but maybe they thought that consumers might be turned off by a DVD box depicting a penis being chopped off simply by tilting it.
While we all might have liked to think that Nicole Narain's enthusiasm for the eventual, official release of her videotaped sexploits with Colin Farrell was rooted in nothing but an altruistic desire to share Farrell's camcorder-enabled expression of their physical relationship with the public, The Smoking Gun has uncovered a document that attaches a more crass motivation for her consent: a shitload of money. Narain stands to reap a $3 million advance (she's apparently been guaranteed $100K no matter the outcome) from distributor ICG should Farrell's lawsuit to keep the video from being released fail. ICG must be expecting an absolute avalanche of demand, given that the amount of Narain's generous advance could easily be eclipsed by a class-action penalty awarded to curious fans whose every subsequent sexual encounter is ruined by the tumescence-melting auditory memory of a filthy leprechaun narrating each thrust with disturbing enthusiasm.
If you wonder why there was an epidemic of Oscar-related humility this year, particularly coming from blogger-against-his-will George Clooney, one need only look as far as his fellow Best Supporting Actor winner, Cuba Gooding Jr., who recently admitted his own hubris caused him to perhaps make some not-so-smart career choices following his win:
The disappointingly short-lived ClooneyGate is more or less over except for the hysterically overblown graphics and our desperate attempts to stoke the feeble flames of semicontroversy for another fifteen or so seconds, but we nonetheless note that the HuffPo has removed Clooney's entry (excerpt still available here) from the site. According to an update on scandal-breaker The Envelope, Team Clooney didn't ask for the deblogging, but responded to Huffington's explanation thusly: "This wasn't a misunderstanding. It was misrepresentation." As of this posting, however, Clooney's rather lengthy contributor bio is still up at HuffPo—just an oversight that will soon be corrected, or a subtle signal that Arianna's door is always open should Clooney ask his publicist to whip him up a blog post? Developing...
Travolta as JR Ewing? Yeah, not so much. But Benicio Del Toro as the Wolf Man, well, we can get behind that. [Variety]
Desiring his own 8 Mile or Get Rich or Die Tryin', Kanye West hooks up with New Line to produce a film inspired by his music. [THR]
MPAA head Dan Glickman plans a "Got Milk?"-esque PR campaign for a beleaguered film industry desperate to revive the public's interest in the moviegoing experience. The campaign is still in its early planning stages, with creatives trying to distill the phrase, "What are you going to do, stay at home and talk to that bitch wife of yours?" into just a couple of pithy words. [Variety]
Pilotmania! Stanley Tucci will star in an untitled CBS drama pilot, Campbell Scott is in negotiations for ABC's Six Degrees, Andrew McCarthy joins CBS drama The Way, and Marla Sokoloff leads ABC's comedy A Day in the Life. [THR]
Sarah Jesscia Parker will produce a half-hour comedy series based on Washingtonienne, blogger Jessica Cutler's novel about her DC-based, anal-tastic sexcapades (first brought to light by Original Wonkette Ana Marie Cox) for HBO. [Variety]
