A Defamer reader, perhaps new to the American Idol party, writes in with a reasonable request:

Entertainment Weekly has been granted a first look at the official Snakes on a Plane logo (left, as if you couldn't tell on your own), which director David R. Ellis tells the magazine was based on fan art like the above example submitted by one of our readers back in September. (If you want one that's really similar—if much more psychedelic— take a look at this entry from a recent, brilliant Fark Photoshop contest.) Not that it takes a genius to throw together a couple of snakes and an airliner after the heavy conceptual lifting's already been done by the movie's self-consciously B-flick title, but at least the New Line folks seem to be paying attention to their potential audience, who may abandon their blogs long enough to show up on opening night wearing flight attendant uniforms and covered in rubber cobras.

Industry watchers critical of Paramount emperor Brad Grey's early moves and who feared that the new chief had no plan beyond "1. Buy another studio. 2. Fire people. 3. Repeat as necessary." will be pleasantly surprised by the "Blueprint for Grey's Paramount" released today via the studio's internal newsletter, which lists six "collective goals" for his fledgling empire. Finally, his own manifesto! But before we get to The Blueprint, we'd like to point out what Grey feels is the truly crucial part of working in this crazy business:

In perhaps the least surprising development in the continuing story of Paramount's shakeup, Stacey Snider might be sprung from her Universal contract and working at DreamWorks in as little as a few weeks. We hope she gets back her security deposit for the 10-month vacation she'd been planning. [THR]
Will Smith will star in the feature adaptation of the TV series It Takes a Thief for Universal, in which he will play "a charming rogue who is blackmailed by the government into doing covert larceny for the good of his country." After stretching to kiss a fat man in Hitch, it's nice to see that Smith continues to challenge himself with different kinds of charming roles. [Variety]
Variety analyzes the closing of theatrical windows, which dropped 11% for films that grossed over $50 million in 2005. Bored yet? You shouldn't be—the closing of the theatrical window foreshadows an entertainment industry apocalypse that will once again plunge us into the days of communal cave painting viewing. Cave paintings directed by Brett Ratner. Yeah, now you're listening. [Variety]
· Big Love drops about 1.2 million viewers between its premiere and this week's episode, and isn't holding its Sopranos lead-in audience well. How many more times does Bill Paxton have to show his ass to please you people? Don't make the man resort to full frontal. [THR]
Mid-seasons The Unit, The New Adventures of Old Christine, American Inventor and Deal or No Deal (for our money, the stupidest show on television, yet we've now watched it twice, powerless against the spectacle of people yelling at briefcases held by supermodels) are scoring well for their respective networks. [Variety]

When he's not (allegedly!) making humorless threats to his corporate employers or publicly demonstrating his passion for his war-bride-to-be for 50,000 captive baseball fans, Tom Cruise is unafraid to show off his action-star stunt chops to meet his personal appearance obligations. Yesterday, Cruise traveled north to Yahoo's HQ in Sunnyvale, where he delighted the company's employees with his A-list presence. Well, delighted some of them, as an SFist tipster wasn't quite buying in to the Tom-and-Katie show:

If they gave Pulitzers for fishily reported and completely unattributed stories about Jennifer Aniston's long road to post-Brad Pitt recovery, there's no shortage of sources to vie for the honors. To help you sort through latest batch of Aniston lore winding its way around the internets, a Jennifer Aniston Suspicious Item Round-Up:

NY Daily News JV Gossip Lloyd Grove reports that Gina Gershon "halted production" of the ABC pilot Ugly Betty yesterday by demanding that she be allowed to keep a $650 pair of shoes:

Movie site IESB.net corralled X3 director Brett Ratner at ShoWest, where the beloved fauxteur revealed his top-secret casting plans for the latest installment of the Rush Hour franchise:

Best Week Ever blog ran a Photoshop contest asking readers to incorporate those candid pre-Oscar party photos of Jake Gyllenhaal—you know, the ones where he appears to possessed by the demon known as Seven Glasses of Shiraz—into other scenarios. The results vary from the outright adorable (it's a Natalie Portman kiss avalanche!) to clever riffs on the Jake canon (a reunion with Frank the scary Donnie Darko rabbit). Then again, some of the images will haunt our dreams for years to come: Let's just say Tara Reid only wishes her left boob was that dreamy.

Predictably, the clip of Without A Trace's $3.6 million teen sex orgy of teenage sex-type shenanigans was quickly yanked from YouTube due to "copyright infringement" (read: CBS lawyers) shortly after we posted about it. But as several readers reminded us, a clip of the scene is still available on the Parents Television Council website, who really go the extra, crazy mile by also offering this shockingly detailed blow-by-blow of the offending footage. Enjoy the hott, full-text, teen-on-teen-on-teen action, courtesy of one of your favorite watchdog groups!

· The angry folks at Chef Gate have started an online petition to protest Comedy Central's yanking of South Park's "Trapped in the Closet" episode and Viacom's general spinelessness in the face of rumored Tom Cruise-applied pressure. They're even offering downloads of the episode in a variety of formats. Get yours before the lawyers erase animated Cruise from history!
· While The Fast and the Curious is definitely not a Brokeback Mountain parody, it's certainly a spiritual heir to that grand tradition. Thanks to Brokeback, two overly macho guys will never be able to fight (whether physically or verbally) onscreen again without the homosexual subtext instantly becoming the text. Especially if those two dudes are Vin Diesel and Paul Walker.
24's Chloe: Pouting her petulant little way into America's hearts.
A Japanese orphan and a deaf, blind, and mute fox cub team up for perhaps the saddest movie in the history of international cinema.

Sharon Stone is determined to single-handedly return Hollywood to a bygone era: Not one of glamour and sophistication, per se, but rather that era that exists entirely in her own imagination, when manic, loopy movie stars were free to act on their every lunatic whim. Newsweek's interview with Stone is a virtual Encyclopedia of Bipolar Ramblings—choosing just one entry becomes a difficult task. Let's turn to the passage where her Basic Instinct 2 co-star David Morrissey describes what a typical shoot day was like:

There can only be one American Idol, the Fox singing contest often reminds us, and assuming for a moment you care about such things, this year is anyone's game. For example, resident studcake Ace Young was in last week's bottom three, while the excruciating, lisping musical stylings of Kevin Covais look to be with us for quite some time as he sails through each round with miraculous ease. Today, the LAT consults a group of "paranormal authorities" in order to sort through the hard-to-handicap fifth season:

· Music round-up: Ben Harper does an in-store at Amoeba Music; The Pretenders at House of Blues on Sunset; Cold War Kids and Tapes N' Tapes at the Knitting Factory s Alterknit lounge; White Rose Movement and Sky Parade at the Troubadour.
· Actress/host/writer Annabelle Gurwitch pushes her book Fired! Tales of the Canned, Canceled, Downsized, and Dismissed, featuring stories from famous pals like Felicity Huffman, Andy Dick, David Cross, and Tim Allen, at Dutton s in Beverly Hills. [via LAist]
· The T.E.AN crew hosts a Kiefer-tastic double-feature of Sutherland-centric films Lost Boys and Flatliners at Akbar, and claims that Jack Bauer himself has been personally handed a flier for the event and invited along. If he doesn't turn up, we're sure you won't have to go far to find him grabbing a beer at one of Vermont or Hillhurst Avenue's other fine watering holes.

A Defamer operative was on high alert during Sunday night's closing presentation of The Cherry Orchard at the Mark Taper Forum, a celebrity-target-rich environment begging for some low-grade eavesdropping:

By way of an update on yesterday's utterly pointless "tip" that Paris Hilton was to eat lunch at The Ivy at a prearranged time for maximum rag/paparazzi exposure, the "reality" of the situation is far more depressing than we'd dared imagine. Claims an e-mailer (whom we can't guarantee isn't tied up in this whole thing—see how cynical and mistrustful we've become?):

We'd thought that the much-ballyhooed Assistant Beer Pong tournament was a time for the call-rolling caste at rival studios, agencies, and production companies to finally put aside their differences and get communally shitfaced in the spirit of harmless frat-house-style competition. But as an aggrieved Lionsgate employee informed us, not everyone was welcome at the party:

UPDATE: If you haven't noticed yet, YouTube has pulled the video. If you're really dying for a clip of a "teen sex orgy," we're sure Google can provide you with tens of thousands of more explicit options not owned by CBS.

Star Jones remains mum on how her magically morphing body slimmed down so quickly, so we'll just assume it's a carefully calibrated and strict regimen of diet, exercise, and invasive surgical procedures that keeps her looking so fit. But according to America's #1 untrusted news source, The National Enquirer, a recent routine breast lift went seriously awry, leaving Jones fighting for her life:

Electronic Arts and Paramount eagerly anticipate the reaction to today's release of their big-budget videogame adaptation of The Godfather; EA hopes it has a Grand Theft Auto-type hit on its hands, while Paramount fears posthumous reprisals from the ghost of Marlon Brando, who promised to haunt the Melrose lot for eternity should his partial voiceovers for the game bring shame to his legacy. [Variety]
SNL's "Lazy Sunday" put YouTube on Hollywood's radar, and ever since the industry can't decide if its wants to embrace the site or sue it off the planet. [THR]
Samuel L. Jackson and Josh Hartnett will star in Resurrecting the Champ, the story of a reporter and the homeless man who he thinks is a boxing champion, and who repeatedly swears at great volume at the crazy white boy who won't just leave him alone. [Variety]
The Cannes film festival line-up is starting to take shape, and will include the premiere of Marie Antoinette now that director Sofia Coppola has decided to jilt Venice in favor of the French. [THR]
SAG "perturbs" TV producers by still asking for strike authorization even after being offered a 14% residual increase, which would put them in line with the deals that producers already use to screw the DGA and WGA. [Variety]