We know that the cast members of The Hills have many outside talents: Lauren Conrad is an acclaimed young adult author, Heidi Montag makes a second living as a fitness instructor, and Audrina Patridge's blog reveals her to be a face cream connoisseur. But before last night, did we have any idea how skilled the Hills women are at cutting a rug? While watching the band White Tie Affair perform at the Roosevelt, Lauren & Co. kicked out the jams with a series of white-girl moves so fierce that they could be worked into common rotation for just about any type of song, no matter the genre. In fact, to test our theory, we tried out their moves to a very 90's backing track that just so happens to be making a Kanye-assisted comeback. Go Lauren, go Lauren, go! [MTV]

As most of you know by now, Sarah Silverman took home a Creative Arts Emmy on Saturday night for fucking Matt Damon. But rather than rattle off a traditionally dull acceptance speech, she used the opportunity to put the screws to her ex, Jimmy Kimmel, by thanking "the person for who this video was made, who broke my heart, oops ... who... will always have a place in my heart." Not only was she rewarded for her creative ingenuity, but her speech also had the (unintended?) effect of inspiring scores of women everywhere, including our very own videographer, Molly McAleer. Her thoughts on Silverman's speech and this evening's To Do's appear, as always, after the jump.· The Fratellis at The Wiltern. · Billy Idol at the House of Blues. · John LaJoie at Largo. · David Fuller at Vroman's Bookstore. · The M.O.B. at Molly Malone's.

Madonna is always reliable for causing some sort of furor with her live performances, and so it went with her Sticky & Sweet Tour, in which a video-collage backdrop had aligned images of John McCain and Mike Huckabee with Adolph Hitler, Ayatollah Khamenei, Robert Mugabe, and Kim Jong Il; later on, Barack Obama appeared in a grouping which included the Dalai Lama, Al Gore, Gandhi, Mother Teresa, and (cough) Michael Moore. Now you can watch the video that McCain spokesman Tucker Bounds called "outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time," and judge for yourself, as a copy of the disco-agitprop has emerged on YouTube. Obviously, this was thrown together well before Sarah Palin was even a blip on the national radar; we can only imagine the kinds of fun Madonna could have throwing a cone-bra into the Palin impression ring, voguing her way through a choreographed moose-slaying accompanied by two shirtless and well-muscled background dancers representing Todd and Track. The video is after the jump:

When we heard the news that MTV mainstay TRL was headed for that great cancellation box in the sky, we decided to get some inside scoop from one of the people who knew it best: former MTV VJ Dave Holmes. The music buff first appeared on the channel as the runner-up to Jesse Camp on MTV's 1998 Wanna Be a VJ contest, but he outlasted the offbeat Camp and hosted multiple shows on MTV, eventually ascending to his own major place in the TRL firmament. So what does Holmes make of the cancellation — and the current state of MTV in general? Lauren Conrad, you've been warned:DEFAMER: How did you hear that TRL was going off the air? DAVE: I think I saw it on, like, Huffington Post or something. There wasn't a 3am phone call or anything like that. DEFAMER: How did you feel when you heard the news? DAVE: I hadn't watched [TRL] in a long time, but it was kind of a bummer, you know? It was a funny show where a lot of people who I still work with got their start. It'll be missed. DEFAMER: Had you heard any rumors about its demise? Did you see this coming? DAVE: I'm a little bit out of their demographic right now, so I hadn't heard anything. I check in every now and then, but I don't recognize a soul who's on it anymore. Damien [Fahey] does an awesome job, but I have no idea who the artists are at all. Like, I don't get Tokio Hotel. I don't understand why they're trying so hard to get them into them in the running. But yeah, I kind of thought that it might be coming. In 1999, 2000, there were a few huge stars. Now, there are a ton of semi-big stars. There's nobody that every thirteen-year-old girl can agree that they love, that they'd skip school and hop on the train and stand in Times Square to look at through a window. DEFAMER: But what about a show like 106 & Park, which I think is still BET's highest-rated show? How can a music video show like that succeed while TRL is cancelled? DAVE: Yeah, I don't understand how it doesn't make sense to at least keep it on. I mean, it's MTV's last music show, it's like their little clubhouse. It seems like the kind of thing they would want to keep going on forever, but then, what do I know? I mean, I just saw my first episode of The Hills last night, so what the fuck do I know?

Recently bestowed with official "icon" status by the L.A. Architectural and Faded Starlet Landmarks Association, Shannen Doherty pulled up a chair at The Rachael Ray Show table to discuss her recent cryogenic career-defrosting, appearing on a short but heavily promoted arc on the new 90210. She vigorously denied harboring any regrets about her decision to abandon the original series at its peak, explaining how the strain of playing a fictional bitch week-in and week-out was ultimately taking its toll on her real-life, bitch-being pursuits. As for why she chose to return to the fabled zip code, she admits she was hesitant at first; ultimately, it was something she did less for herself than for her fans—those "Brenda!"-chanting masses who have kept both her and her dogs in natural fabrics and macrobiotic vittles since her days on Little House on the Prairie. [Rachael Ray]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Going for the quirky (yet hunky) nerd look, popular actor of stage and screen Josh Hartnett attempted to make a clean getaway not only from a London nightclub, but actress Mischa Barton as well. Hartnett said, “She seems like a great gal and all, but I’m just too focused on my craft these days. Hence, the nerdy glasses.” Barton hollered at Hartnett to get his attention, but the dedicated actor would not heed Barton’s advances. Barton said, “He’s so brooding and deep and why doesn’t he want to hang out with me?” [Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

The revelation that the Will Smith-funded New Village Learning Academy will offer a uniquely Hubbardian curriculum came as little surprise to us last May, back when the star couldn't go a week without some new Scientology-related scandal consuming his painstakingly OT-free public persona. Finally, after taking a summer off, the NVLA controversy crept back into view last night when Smith attended the premiere for Lakeview Terrace, which he co-produced; despite his bodyguard's best efforts at suppertime interference, Smith confronted the issue head-on with Fox gossip Roger Friedman:

Click to viewBoomp3.com On her way to the Ugly Betty premiere party, Lindsay Lohan threw up a preemptive elbow to ward off any unruly and pushy photographers. Lohan said, “I didn’t want to use my bag the other night and I don’t want to use this tonight. I haven’t used any lotion in a few days on purpose, and now my elbow is rough like sand paper.” The political blogger hoped that she could reach a peace accord with the photographers, but only time will tell. Lohan said, “I sincerely hope we can be cool with each other, just like a bunch of Fonzies.” [Photo Credit: INF Daily] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

MTV's RW/RRC Destroy the Planet Challenge: Did you happen to catch Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Island, in which your favorite MTV reality stars are plopped "on a deserted beach off the coast of Panama" to compete for $300,000 in treasure? It's like The Hills, but with relay races and coconuts! And all they had to do was clear some rainforest, throw up some temporary living quarters that they never bothered to dismantle, and leave a pile of junk behind, according to one local's account: “I have seen the aftermath of a tornado and this was almost as bad...A large plot of rainforest had been cleared, a pristine Caribbean beach had been trashed, and the creators had simply packed up and left. A family of what appeared to be ‘squatters’ had already moved into one of the buildings left behind.” [sustainablog]

· Fox bought Jeff Foxworthy's animated pilot pitch about "a dysfunctional family set in the world of NASCAR." Since it comes from Foxworthy, we'll assume that unlike King of the Hill, this show is meant to be embraced by those it depicts. [Variety] · Ben Affleck will write, direct and star in the sexily titled The Town, in which he'll play a thief who falls in love with a bank manager. [Variety] · Sam Rockwell, Emma Roberts and Rob Corddry will star in The Winning Season, about a high school girls' basketball team. Yeah, we'd see that. [THR] · Football season means ESPN scores! Terminator isn't faring as well for Fox, however, despite the best efforts of Shirley Manson as its American Standard-issue flushable killing machine. [Variety] · Wall Street's pants-crapping directly affected entertainment media stocks, with the THR Showbiz 50 hitting its lowest point in a year. [THR]

Gnomish asshole Tribune owner Sam Zell is getting sued. By his own (current and former) employees! They filed a class action suit in LA today charging that "Zell's illegal and irresponsible actions and public statements have damaged the reputation and business of the company." Which is legalese for "You made all the Tribune employees take ownership of this shitty company under your stupid ESOP plan and we'd rather not all go broke, thanks." We imagine Zell is uttering some colorful expressions right now in response. ("Fuck you!" is what we mean specifically). This should be interesting! Click through for the full press release.

Though rumors continue that the CW may not outlive May sweeps, last night's ratings provided a bit of good news for the network: Gossip Girl, which has never managed to translate its huge New York media buzz into actual nationwide ratings, earned its highest numbers ever (3.7 million viewers), and along with One Tree Hill, contributed to the best Monday night in CW history. Does the 11% boost in viewers from Gossip's past two episodes bode well for a possible 90210 resurgence tonight, since the latter drama saw its numbers fall in its second outing? We'll know tomorrow whether all the babydaddy drama has paid off, or if the show's continued slide in the ratings will presage an emergency rescue from one very hirsute West Bev alum. [THR]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the premiere of the blockbuster rom-com My Best Friend’s Girl, Jason Biggs went the extra mile to ensure that the press photographed his preferred side. Biggs admitted that he may have been influenced by a recent episode of Entourage, but he’s always a bit sheepish about the right side of his face. Biggs said, “I think there’s a couple of crow’s feet on that side that the Photoshop wizards forgot to remove.” Biggs firmly planted himself in front of the poster until all of the invited guests had walked all the way down the red carpet and into the theater. [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

Free to Good Home: IMDb yesterday uncorked about 6,000 movie and TV titles available for free viewing via Hulu, including recent episodes of The Office, 24 and Battlestar Galactica; site officials also noted that new episodes of some series — 30 Rock among them — will be available in advance of their airdates this fall. Not so with the site's full-length features, however, which, beyond classics like The Night of the Hunter and Some Like it Hot, include Dude, Where's My Car?, Liar Liar and The Scorpion King, finally testing the critical consensus that their makers can't give these films away. We shall see! [IMDb via NYT]

The Spider-Man franchise has a reluctant protagonist in its star Tobey Maguire, who has now lived out more web-slinging adventures than quirky leading men twice his age, and who sounds more interested in watching his baby Ruby Sweetheart take her first earthbound steps than he is chasing The Lizard up the side of a skyscraper. Among the terms of his recent negotiation with Sony to shoot Spider-Man 4 through 5, he insisted, among the expected profit-sharing perks, upon a shortened schedule to accommodate for daddy-daughter bonding time, reports The Times Online:

We had no idea that next February's analog-to-digital TV conversion was shaping up as the Y2K of contemporary broadcasting, but a careful reconsideration of the facts offers alarming new perspective on a crisis in the making. To wit: Your grandparents may miss the Academy Awards. Or so reports Variety, which points to the Feb. 17 changeover, the Feb. 22 Oscarcast and a constituency of none-the-wiser viewers as the makings of a perfect storm threatening to wash away the Oscars as we know them:

Though George Lucas has dashed the hopes of a scant few Indiana Jones fanboys already camping out in line for Mutt Williams and the Search For Elvis, series add-on Shia LaBeouf is man enough to take the bad news on the chin (if not on the reconstructed pinkie). In fact, while promoting his new film Eagle Eye to MTV News, he took time out to defend his much-derided Indy 4 vine swinging, blaming the "changed viewer" for negative reaction to a hallowed film franchise that, somehow, LaBeouf compares to 80's sex comedy Porky's.Might "nuking the fridge" have been more palatable if it were followed by a scene where Indy, Mutt, and Ray Winstone spy on Cate Blanchett through a peephole in the high school locker room? Or are we subtly being prepared for an Indy 5 involving the mythical Quest for Teenage Tail?

One of the final shows on the MTV roster to still fulfill their "M" classification, Total Request Live is at long last drawing to a close. Once the state-of-the-art in boy-band-disseminating technology, it allowed viewers to e-mail, text, and phone in their votes, while offering them the thrill of seeing their feedback—"OMG Tom DeLonge izz zooooo hot. Blink-182 roxx so hard!!! LUV U GUYZZZZ :D BlinkGrl182"—crawl along the bottom of the screen in real time.It had multiple hosts over the years, but it's Carson Daly with whom it will forever be associated: A little-known Bay Area DJ dropped into the gig of a lifetime, he instantly became the fantasy dream boyfriend of billions of American teenage girls—and very nearly avoided early tragedy by calling off his engagement to Tara Reid. Variety reports the show "will depart in mid-November with a two-hour Saturday-afternoon special," replaced by the more popular Feedback New MTV, or FNMTV. We salute its departure with one of its greatest-ever moments: Part 2 of Mariah Carey's infamous TRL meltdown, when she called the show naked from her shower, shattering untold eardrums along the way with a sustained high G.

Photographic evidence of last Saturday's dogs-only preview of Beverly Hills Chihuahua has arrived at Defamer HQ, and it looks like precisely the kind of shrill, infernal canine redoubt we thought might occur when more than 300 chihuahuas and their owners piled into the Fine Arts Theater. The user reviews to date are positive overall ("IT WAS THE BEST MOVE [sic] EVER !!!! THANK YOU !!!" wrote one satisfied small-dog exploiter], but only trustworthy to the extent you can rely on the taste of people who stuff diminutive pooches into makeshift sweaters, tuxedos and other garments for a day on on the town. But that's OK! One critic apparently had an early look at the film, either busting Disney's review embargo or pimping it outright for a price — let it suffice to say he liked it. Still, even after a review with 12 chapters and seemingly no spoiler left unpeeled, we don't really get why:

Click to viewBoomp3.com A bodyguard in charge of protecting Hollywood’s latest comeback queen, Britney Spears, appeared to be in the midst of a rather intense game of cops and robbers at Starbucks yesterday. Justin, Spears’ main bodyguard (and the robber in today’s adventure) said, “Every day is pretty much a slow day since the conversatorship. So, a couple of the other guys and myself run around the neighborhood playing cops & robbers. It helps us focus and stay alert just in case she has another meltdown." Another bodyguard, Bobby, fondly recalled an epic game that took place last week and involved virtually the whole neighborhood. Bobby said, “It was like that movie Heat. Everybody running around. Making the sound effects with the mouths, hiding behind flipped over red wagons. It was great.” According to Justin and Bobby, Monday’s game was partly inspired by the Sylvester Stallone classic, Cobra. [Photo Credit: X17] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.