Though John McCain suspended his presidential campaign yesterday, third party candidate Paris Hilton is still busy courting voters. The heiress dropped in on The View today to replay her famous video rebuking McCain, and the clip prompted an inquisitive Joy Behar to ask, "You're not really going to be able to vote, are you?" After citing a friend who lost his right to vote after spending time in the "slammer," Behar was informed that Hilton did, indeed, still retain the ability. We're sad, too, Joy — the idea that Paris Hilton has any sort of political influence is almost as tragic to us as Whoopi Goldberg's hideous Ed Hardy t-shirt. [The View]

Click to viewBoomp3.com At the Fox Reality Awards, Corey Feldman took time out of his busy schedule to soothe the frayed nerves of everyone affected by the current state of the economy and the upcoming presidential election. Feldman said, “Don’t worry about anything. I got this. Sues and me are going to Washington right after this event and we’re going to solve everything. We saved the Haimster, so we could probably save the McCain campaign and Wall Street before our first coffee break.” [Photo Credit: Getty Images] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

We were so wrapped up in all that Letterman/McCain business, we almost forgot about this nice little surprise from last night’s Conan. Fresh off his best actor Emmy win for 30 Rock, Alec Baldwin stopped by the Late Night set unannounced for a brief round of “In The Year 2000.” It seems like Alec’s been rocking those Buddy Holly glasses even more these days, which is always fun. Plus, he actually gets off a couple of decent jokes. Check in after the jump to hear his zinger about li’l Bristol Palin (with a bonus Kirstie Alley-is-fat chestnut by Conan thrown in for good measure). [Late Night With Conan O'Brien]

As rumors circulate that Condoleezza Rice was passed up for John McCain's vice presidential slot due to questions about her sexuality, her film portrayer Thandie Newton sat down for an interview with gay magazine The Advocate. The actress, who is playing Rice in Oliver Stone's election-tipping presidential fantasia W., said that she herself doesn't believe Rice is a lesbian — and it's too bad, because Newton has the same-sex experience that could have informed such a role:

Earlier this summer, when the news emerged that Sidekick Hall of Fame charter member Ed McMahon was facing imminent foreclosure on and eviction from his Beverly Hills residence, an outpouring of sympathy and support quickly followed from many directions. McMahon's real estate agent threw a Hail Mary as time ran out on his bank's clock. Donald Trump, citing the 85 year old's military heroism and monolithic pop-culture standing, made the one-handed catch for the win. He cameoed last weekend in Josh Groban's Emmy-night Miracle on Figueroa Street. But mostly McMahon has fielded one bone after another thrown his way by the advertising industry — which is turning into a bit of a problem if the new, pimptastic pitchman now being rolled out for the highest bidder is any indication.Obviously this is not new terrain for McMahon; by his own admission the man has "spent my whole life doing commercials," all the way back to having paid his way through college selling vegetable slicers. When he required hospitalization last year for treatment of a broken neck, he all but summoned the Publishers Clearing House prize van before cooler heads dialed 9-1-1. The guy is a born huckster. We get that. We also know that under the circumstances, McMahon probably isn't using the soundest, most selective judgment. Exhibit A: This recently released still from the set of his latest commercial, featuring McMahon — a prodigiously generous man who sat at Johnny Carson's right hand for three decades — as a pimp selling... Hey, you know what? Fuck them. If you wanna look the vultures up, go for it. We know the contradiction that comes with covering this in the first place, but we understand debasement even better, and the long-term potential here outweighs the immediate scourge. Again: Ed McMahon is dressed like a gangsta. Where is Don Draper when we need him? Is this really the best you can do, Madison Avenue? Moreover, where is Hollywood when McMahon needs it? Just when things were looking up, the guy requires someone, anyone to fend off the vampires sucking away what remains of his dignity. Remember, people: Ed McMahon. Any volunteers? [Photo: ETOnline]

Are you still trying to scrub the memory of those heinous Emmy awards from your brain? Perhaps this rumor will do the trick. We can all agree that one of the only bright spots of the awards were when Ricky Gervais did that “give me my Emmy” bit with Steve Carell. Well, according to E-Dubs (that’s Entertainment Weekly for you laymen), after that performance, “his reps were besieged with inquiries about his availability and were urged to book a meeting with Academy Awards organizers, stat.” So does that mean Ricky’s gonna host the Oscars? He’d probably do an incredible job, and frankly, he’s the only host who actually feels exciting these days. We’ve already been down the Jon Stewart and Ellen DeGeneres roads, Billy Crystal has been M.I.A. for years, and if they go with Whoopi again, America will pluck out its collective eyeballs in protest. So why not give a Brit a chance?He’ll certainly be in good company, now that Dreamgirls director Bill Condon has been tapped to executive produce the upcoming Oscar telecast. This is the same dude who wrote the screenplay for Chicago, so he definitely knows how to razzle-dazzle ‘em. But he also directed Kinsey and Gods and Monsters, so which Bill Condon will show up? Will it be his glitzy, gaudy musical side or his frank-exploration-of-human-sexuality side? Either way, it should make for an interesting evening, and as long as five reality hosts aren’t involved, we’ll be watching. [Photo Credits: Getty Images]

Click to viewBoomp3.com Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan appeared to be very desperate to hear some feedback on her brand new boots. Sheridan said, “I picked up them when after things went south with Michael. Again. Now, I’m not so sure if they're right way to announce to the world that I'm back on the market.” The results of Sheridan’s informal survey showed that a majority of those asked were not fans of the boots, but with the caveat that they looked like they'd be really comfortable. [Photo Credit: Flynet] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

· In her first film since her split with Raffaello Follieri, Anne Hathaway will topline The Opposite of Love as an attorney whose life collapses when she rejects her boyfriend's marriage interests. That kind of thing will happen when you say "No" to a Vatican wedding. [Variety] · Memo to Will Smith and Warner Bros. re your planned I Am Legend prequel: Save $149,999,996 and rent the original. It has flashbacks and everything! [Variety] After the jump: Spielberg contemplates sci-fi, Travolta visits Paris, and at last! Fag hags get a show of their own!· Boldly empowered by his newfound independence from Paramount, Steven Spielberg's next film may finally tackle his risky, long-unexplored interest in child/alien relationships. [THR] · Parlez vous Flopz™? John Travolta and Jonathan Rhys Meyers are off to France as a spy and embassy worker in the thriller From Paris With Love. [Variety] · In our favorite Media Irony of the Day, masthead vagabond Tina Brown's HBO deal will officially launch with I Am Charlotte Simmons, a series adapted from Tom Wolfe's novel. [Gawker] · Are you a "girl who likes boys who likes boys?" If so, you might be Bravo's next big star! [La Daily Musto]

Remember yesterday when we told you Hugh Hefner’s pimp hand was weakening because two of his Girls Next Door were seeing other dudes while only Bridget Marquardt remained loyal? Well, scratch that last part. Apparently Bridget is seeing another dude too. We know she’s already married, but she’s been married ever since she started “dating” Hef, so that’s not the problem. What is a problem is that the New York Post says Bridget’s been “getting quite close with Nick Carpenter, Marisa Tomei's ex-boyfriend. He directed her in a movie recently and apparently they 'hang out' whenever she can escape the mansion.” Damn, is Hugh Hefner gonna have to choke a bitch? [New York Post]

Poor Lindsay. She finally just admitted to her relationship with Samantha Ronson, she has a meaty cameo in the in the season premiere of Ugly Betty tonight, and she even reportedly booked a gig as the guest judge for the premiere of Project Runway when it moves to Lifetime. Things were going so well. Not Mean Girls well, or even I Know Who Killed Me well, but about as good as they’ve been for her in months. And then along comes Star Magazine to burst her happy little bubble. That’s right, the tabloid is reporting that Lindsay is “on the fast track to another drug and alcohol-driven breakdown.”Though she’s only been out of rehab for a year, insiders are claiming that “Lindsay's been drinking, doing cocaine and causing all-around mayhem for the past few months…. She quit going to Alcoholics Anonymous and has absolutely never taken recovery seriously. She's gotten progressively worse, and everyone in her life is really scared." Even worse, she showed up at the VMA’s with red scratches all over her arm, leading people to fear she’s started cutting herself again. If you’ll recall, the last time she did that was back in 2006 when she claimed she’d hit “rock bottom.” Of course, Lindsay’s MySpace blog tells a different story. In an entry dated September 19th, the starlet writes (without using capital letters, just like e.e. cummings):

While David Letterman spent the better part of his Late Show last night ripping into John McCain, things were no less political over on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Leno's guest was Dr. Phil, and talk turned not to negligent parents or feuding spouses but to the government bailout of Wall Street. Turns out: Dr. Phil? Not really a fan of that plan! Oh, how we long for the halcyon days of mid-January, when Dr. Phil was merely a Britney Spears-chasing charlatan and not a needed, sober voice on economic matters. Enjoy your Great Depression, America! [The Tonight Show]

Click to viewBoomp3.com To shake off the rust in their pick up game, Jude Law and his wing man practiced spitting their game at a Manhattan area construction site on Wednesday afternoon. A few of the construction workers laughed at Law and his amigo’s attempts at catcalling women. One of the construction workers said, “You British guys are too nice. If a broad is working with a nice pair of whomp bompers, then just fucking say it. Don’t pussyfoot around.” Another Teamster added that they could get away with being forward since their accents are vocal panty removers. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

With infidel Mickey Mouse still in hiding after last week's death-sentence fatwa, Disney appears to be rolling the dice on a bold rebranding of sorts. Behold — Disney Depp (née Johnny), whose anchoring of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise yielded yesterday's news of not only Pirates 4, but also the star's attachment as Tim Burton's Mad Hatter in a live-action Alice in Wonderland and as Tonto in a revival of The Lone Ranger. The announcement was made Wednesday in Disney's marathon State of the Mouse Biennial, putting its jittery investors at ease, its fans in an uproar and the press into some kind of overwhelmed coma. Johhny Depp? As Tonto? In Josh Groban's incredulous words, "Really?!"Yes, really:

· Last night on The Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson, John "Leatherheads" Krasinski broke out his heretofore unheralded ability to demonstrate his "Muppet arms." Which, naturally, reminded us of Eric Stoltz's legendary (at least to us) "Muppet walk" from Mr. Jealousy. Whose impression is better? We'll leave that for you to debate in the comments. [CBS, YouTube] · Don't hit the beach this weekend unless your will is up-to-date. Because, if you haven't already heard, sharks are developing legs. [BuzzFeed] · In order to help ensure the Academy Awards don't befall the same fate as the Emmys, burgeoning comedy writer Nikki Finke makes an uproarious recommendation for who should produce next year's Oscars: the Chinese government! With a few more zingers like that, she just might land herself an offer to join Bruce Vilanch's writing team. [DHD] · Aspiring reality show participants, pay heed: Slate has cobbled together nine ways in which you can ensure you're not the first contestant to get kicked off your show. [Slate] · Finally, we can think of no better way for you to end this evening than by spending the next 30 minutes watching Dave Eggers interview Chris Elliott. You are welcome. [Goldenfiddle]

Jenna Jameson, who already looks startlingly, almost grotesquely different than when she started out in the porn biz 15 years ago, is about to look even stranger. That’s because she’s pregnant with twins thanks to the handy work of UFC and Celebrity Apprentice star Tito Ortiz. Jenna announced the happy news on her MySpace blog yesterday. “Yes everyone,” she writes. “I can officially confirm that Tito and I are expecting twins! I had my second ultrasound today and was greeted by two big healthy babies with pounding hearts. I can't even express the extreme serenity that came over me once I saw my children inside me. It has been my dream to have children for an extremely long time, and I truly feel like finally the time is right and god has blessed me. I have never felt more like a woman, or more alive.” We’re talking about a woman who’s had a lot inside her already, so these twins must really be something special. Congrats from all your friends here at Defamer! [Starpulse]

Get Used To It: Just when we thought we were done with today's People-led insurrection of the Claymates, this post from "NClayolina" pulls us back in: "I will never be able to listen to [Clay Aiken] sing, 'O Holy Night,' knowing he desires unholy nights." [The Clayboard]

John McCain announced today that he would suspend his presidential campaign until the current economic crisis is settled, leaving some big holes in this week's TV schedule — most especially, this Friday's suddenly in-jeopardy presidential debate, which McCain is seeking to postpone (Barack Obama and debate organizers have rejected the idea). In the short-term, however, McCain pulled out of his planned appearance tonight on Late Show with David Letterman, and the host is pissed. Seems McCain told Letterman that he was canceling so that he could rush back to Washington D.C., but then Dave caught wind that McCain hadn't gone anywhere — that, in fact, he was just down the street taping an interview with CBS anchorwoman Katie Couric. What followed was an on-screen excoriation, according to the Drudge Report:

You gotta admit, when it comes to ladies, David Spade has an amazing track record. He’s nailed Heather Locklear, Lara Flynn Boyle, Krista Allen, Julie Bowen, Teri Hatcher, Gena Lee Nolin, Kristy Swanson, and countless Playboy playmates, including one he recently impregnated. But is he really the Don Juan of our time? J.R. Moehringer from Los Angeles Magazine seems to think so, and he makes a compelling case in a nearly 8-page exposé. Consider the evidence: Spade is no Clooney in the looks department, yet he pulls more tail than George. What’s more, he’s been doing so since he was a teenager. “He was voted Most Artistic,” Moehringer writes, “but the entire student body at Saguaro High School knew he was the campus Casanova, a walking stick of catnip for every cheerleader and homecoming queen.”Spade is a funny dude, but that can’t be it. Surely he must have a secret—something that draws the skirts to him like men’s bathrooms draw George Michael. Thankfully, Moehringer wasn’t afraid to do a little digging, and through exhaustive interviews with Spade and various ladies he’s flirted with, he may have actually hit upon the reason for all the chick-magnet-madness. Spade’s platonic friend Courtney Cox Arquette explains it thusly: “He has good teeth.” But the most illuminating reason comes from David himself. When asked what advice he’d give a single guy, Spade says:

Does Josh Groban read Defamer? We may never find out for sure, but we have determined that we share startlingly similar perspectives on his grossly underappreciated performance at last weekend's Emmy Awards. You know our take, but we now yield the floor to Groban himself, who took to his vlog earlier today with refreshing candor about surmounting the monumental challenge of Emmycast suckdom around him. Again, it's not our place to say we were right, but we can say we're unreservedly Team Groban. More like this, please, Emmys. [Vimeo]

Hollywood may be a youth-obsessed industry, but that doesn't mean we can't find it in our hearts to celebrate a salty old battle axe like Cloris Leachman. In fact, now that the Oscar-winning octogenarian has been added to the cast of Dancing with the Stars, we may have to start watching with regularity — especially if she continues to curse up a storm on the family show, as she did last night. Presented with what she felt was a low score by judge Carrie Ann Inaba, Leachman muttered an epithet that went unheard by most, but couldn't escape Defamer's crack Profanity Investigation Team. Sounds like someone thinks she's still at the Bob Saget roast! [ABC]