Now that teenage girls have finally gotten over their fear of Twilight star Robert Pattinson's chest hair, they can go back to their regularly scheduled, quavery anticipation for the vampire-in-love drama, which comes out in just a few weeks. How intense is the want-to-see factor for the film? For a primer, just check out this excerpt of footage that just leaked from the Rome Film Festival, where the dialogue is no match for the Beatles-worthy shrieking from the audience that greets every single moment. Summit Entertainment's logo? "AHHHHH!" The first glimpse of Pattinson? "AHHHHH!" The arrival of a female supporting player who's maybe tenth-billed, at best? Screams, fainting, and revivals that can only be successfully administered by the Pope himself. We'd pegged this movie as The Dark Knight for girls, but even Bat-mania was never this loud. Clip above (be sure to turn down your volume). [Twilight]

Boo! You want a Halloween scare? Go over to RadarOnline.com. Our old friend has been shipped off to an institution by their new adoptive parents and lobotomized, and now spends afternoons staring out a window and mumbling about The Bachelorette and dolphins. We've heard the rumors, we just didn't have the stomach to really face it until today. On the plus side, new tag headings of "Bachelorette, PhotoOp, SeaWorld, and Trista Sutter" should make it all the easier for you to access this empty husk's growing database of stories on those topics, should you care to. [Radar Online]

The typical formula of two pliant Bond girls per movie tends to serve the 007 franchise well, as in Casino Royale, where Daniel Craig's first at-bat was supported by striking work from Eva Green and that other one. For the new Quantum of Solace, though, things seem to have gone haywire — almost as though it were planned by some shadowy, nefarious league pulling the strings of Her Majesty's empire! First, Bond girl Gemma Arterton unnerved fans with the bizarre revelation that she was born with six fingers, and now female lead Olga Kurylenko is... well, we'll let the Communist Party give you the details:

We realize our ongoing Halloween costume ideas series has so far overwhelmingly catered to the mannish among you, so we thought we'd now throw one out to all you sexy ladies in the house. Some old-fashioned roller skates, a period hat, vampishly red lipstick and an assortment of ethnically diverse dolls are the essentials for this ensemble. See the finished product after the jump!

The influence of Quentin Tarantino's Reservoir Dogs has finally broken out of the film-school ghetto and into the real-world application where it really belongs: law enforcement. A disbanded troupe of rogue Australian cops was exposed this week in a report citing four decades of skull-cracking work by the "Armed Offenders Squad," which had in recent years taken to amending the conventional cop uniform to include black suits, sunglasses and lyrical poetry talents in lieu of Tarantino's more confusing non-linear storytelling:

Click to viewBoomp3.com 90210 & Degrassi: The Next Generation star Shenae Grimes was surprised by the attention she received after leaving the Blackberry Bold party on Thursday night. Stepping into a sea of flash bulbs, Grimes paused and said, “Really? All this for me? It’s flattering, but I assure there’s somebody more famous coming out of that party real soon.” A lone snapper stepped forward and explained that they’re actually Blackberry super fans and they just wanted to get a snapshot of the new phone for their respective tech blogs. Another added, “Yeah, we got this really cool shot of Heidi and Spencer licking a Blackberry Storm like an ice cream sandwich. So could you do something equally as wacky?” Grimes retrieved the phone from the gift bag and pretended to take a bite out of it while rubbing her stomach. [Photo Credit: Splash Pics] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

· John McCain will appear on SNL tomorrow, playing what we hear is his uncannily dead-on impression of David Archuleta in a planned sketch with musical guest David Cook. Good on McCain for managing to stay up that late, assuming he does! [Variety] · Spider-Man 4 will be written by Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright David Lindsay-Abaire, giving this franchise a key into the snooty, UES-society-lady demographic that has been eluding it until now. [THR] · Samantha Who? gets a back seven order from ABC. [Variety] After the jump: Finally—an answer to your "Tatum O'Neal and Brigitte Nielsen starring in the same B-movie" prayers! Find out who else joins them.· Tatum O'Neal, Tom Berenger and James Brolin join Brigitte Nielsen and Moon Unit Zappa in Last Will, an indie suspense drama we're predicting might have been better off casting unknowns. [THR] · Bradley Whitford will star with Weeds's Romany Malco in NBC pilot Off Duty, a buddy cop comedy. [THR]

We told you to steel yourselves, and now here it is: following Whoopi Goldberg's sartorial lead, the other co-hosts of The View dressed up as men today for Halloween. Presidents, in fact! They even introduced themselves in character, which was a little bit awkward when Barbara Walters-as-George Washington babbled on about freeing her slaves in a manner so leading that she practically demanded Goldberg and Sherri Shepherd fall at her feet in exultant praise. Then, it was Elisabeth Hasselbeck's turn.Dressed up as Ronald Reagan, she offered a hearty, beyond-the-grave endorsement of John McCain (O RLY?) before Grandma Barbara led her into the weeds with a tortured Sarah Palin analogy and an appreciative Werther's Original. Then, as Hasselbeck is wont to do, she gave Joy Behar (as Teddy Roosevelt) a Cold War-worthy slam. Happy Halloween, ladies: who knew we could be frightened so early in the day?

Click to viewBoomp3.com A couple of fiendish film flashers got their Halloween jollies in a day early as they spooked spectacular sassy screen star Kate Hudson at popular celeb hangout, LAX. The fiends wore spooky burlap sacks over the faces and shouted scary phrases like “Boo!” and “John McCain won the election!” while jumping out in front of the Raising Helen star. [Photo Credit: WENN] *A Call To The Bullpen is a work of fiction. Although the pictures we use are most certainly real, Defamer does not purport that any of the incidents or quotations you see in this piece actually happened. Lighten up, people ... it's a joke.

You may recall that about six months ago, we posted a Photoshop contest winning entry featuring the inspired casting of Javier Bardem as everyone's favorite Prince of Dark Chocolateyness, Count Chocula. We said at the time that we'd definitely shell out for such a movie were it ever to be made, and threw out the suggestion of Philip Seymour Hoffman and Jake Gyllenhaal to play his monstrous kiddie cereal cohorts, Frankenberry and Boo Berry.Just in time for Halloween, the same digital artiste who conceived the original has sent us his rendering of our proposed dream cast in the breakfast mascot roles they were clearly born to play. Seriously—we don't mean to toot our own horns here, but Jake channels his delicious inspiration right down to those half-cocked eyebrows, wonky smirk, and sleepy boo eyes. What are you waiting for, Hollywood. Poor some milk on this sucker and make some magic happen!

MGM has released the final trailer for Valkyrie, and really, nothing here indicates why United Artists would have sabotaged this film with one Harveyesque bump after another, all the way off the cliff into the dead zone of February '09. (It now opens Dec. 26.) They may not have the viable Oscar contender they wanted, either, but beyond the late, portentous introduction of Tom Cruise's eye-patched, would-be Hitler killer, this new clip has us marveling at the irony of a feel-bad Nazi drama potentially doubling as the feel-good comeback story of the year. It's almost enough to make us want to swap the old Superman Returns stand-up at Defamer HQ with the fancy new Valkyrie display occupying MGM's own lobby. Bryan Singer, you are a continued inspiration to one and all. [MGM]

Having had to evacuate Anna Nicole Smith's Coldwater Canyon residence after a freak cotton-candy-machine accident swept the home up in a cyclone of flossy, pink destruction, beleaguered babydaddy Larry Birkhead is left to pick up the pieces. For starters, that means taking work where he can find it—and in this dire economic environment, there just aren't many openings for 1-year-old-baby party planners. So Birkhead has relented and agreed to take the questionable step of laying bare his life, and the life of daughter Dannielynn, for the E! reality cameras.He justifies his rationale in the ET interview above, though we don't really see why he feels the need to. It's the next logical step for young Dannielynn, who made her TV debut at age 0 being pried out of her mother via C-section, and who now closes the Circle of Reality Show life on the very same network that pushed her mother's career to the next level. We mean—what's the worst that could happen, right? [ET Online]

A former Scientologist named Peter Letterese is suing Tom Cruise and his favorite religion for $265 million. According to Fishbowl LA, Letterese's charges include allegations that "Cruise and Scientology bribed and improperly influenced a federal judge, a Florida state judge and a federal bankruptcy trustee to tie up his original law suit in bankruptcy court." Those are serious charges, and there's no word of proof, so you might be excused for thinking Letterese is a wacko. Then again, there was that earlier incident when Scientologists tried to convince Letterese's wife that he was gay, allegedly: Back in July, Paul Barressi, a private investigator who works for Tom Cruise, gave the Daily News court papers of Letterese's allegations, including this:

Lemon Party! Looks like Tina Fey's second, third, fourth, and fifth jobs this year have paid off, as 30 Rock premiered last night to the biggest numbers in the show's history. THR says the sitcom lured 8.5 million viewers and a 4.1 18-49 rating, up 21% from its premiere last year. We're a little confounded by the fact that Rock still lost 800,000 viewers of The Office — what do you people need, every character on the show to couple up? A premature guest stint from Steve Carell? Prolonged sexual tension between Frank and Cirie (actually, that one we could live with)? [THR]

Quentin Tarantino and Brad Pitt's Teutonic catalogue-shoot adventure became all the more glamorous today as news leaked that Hong Kong icon Maggie Cheung is preparing to join the cast of Inglourious Basterds [sic]. Not to be outdone, Tarantino alum Samuel L. Jackson finally got around to reading the bootlegged script on his desktop, apparently phoning the filmmaker to lobby for some motherfucking narration up in this motherfucking war movie. And it worked!Jackson won't likely make the trip to Germany, however, where Cheung shall make her diva descent shortly for the role of Madame Mimieux, the French cinema proprietor who, according to the Playlist, "takes in the protagonist Shosanna (Melanie Laurent) when she is homeless and being sought by the Nazis." A man whose Asian-film fetish defers only to his taste for toes, Tarantino will work around the minor French/Chinese ethnicity-disconnect problem later just for the chance to work with Cheung — and potentially finish the movie someday after first and second choices Nastassja Kinski and Isabelle Huppert reportedly bowed out of the same role. Meanwhile, Jackson's narration will come much later, a small part whose expository whimsy served as rich consolation yesterday from old pal Tarantino after the indignity of Jackson's attachment to... we can't even say it. That's what friends are for, we guess.

Now that Madonna has entered the "ex texting" part of her breakup with Guy Ritchie ("OMG Debi Mazar Hates U 2"), it's time for Hollywood's looky-loos to saddle up and choose a side. On Team Madonna, we have Yankee T-friendly Rocco, a concerned Gwyneth Paltrow, and Alex Rodriguez, whereas Team Guy consists of little but his Sherlock Holmes cast, a discarded British accent used by Madonna over the last decade, and maybe Sarah Palin? Someone should ask her! Now, Page Six breaks the news of two new celebs warming the bench for Madonna: Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld, who are loaning out their house so Madonna and A-Rod can get it on.

Happy Halloween, everyone! Who doesn't love Halloween? Besides all that candy and the fact that it gives frat boys everywhere the perfect excuse to indulge a year's worth of cross-dressing impulses, it also brings some of our favorite TV personalities in costume. We already gave you a sneak peek of the ladies of The View, done up as various U.S. presidents (and commend Joy for refraining from remarking to Ronald "Elisabeth" Reagan, "You should only wish for Alzheimer's. That would be the least of your problems."), while the cast of the Today Show embodied their fairytale fantasies (Pinocchio Viera will give you nightmares), and Ellen DeGeneres came out in some kind of matador/coin getup that really marks a step backwards in her fashion evolution. But we highlight for you Regis and Kelly, not so much for the execution of their celebrity chef costumes of Gordon Ramsey and Paula Deen, but rather for the stream of filth spewed forth by Regis throughout the episode.If the beloved Oscars bumbler was just trying to emulate the Hell's Kitchen star, we think a British accent might have helped the illusion along. Instead, it just seems like a spectacular uncorking of decades of bottled rage. Years pressed beneath Gelman's thumb, having to remember all those dumb celebrity names while listening to your shrill co-hosts yammer on at length about their upcoming children and Christmas albums—it's all enough to drive any mild-mannered TV fixture to lose it. Live! [Regis and Kelly]

· The Ron Clark Academy's T.I. parody "You Can Vote However You Like" (sample lyric: "Stick wit McCain you gone have some drama") is so frickin' adorable we could just bite their little equal-time-honoring heads off. · Breaking! King of the Hill's butane tank has finally run dry. · Jon Hamm will play Liz Lemon's boyfriend on a 30 Rock arc this season. Don't screw this one up, Lemon. · Obama sprinkled his magical ratings glitter on cable too, giving The Daily Show and The Colbert Report their largest audiences ever. · Apparently, there exist popular stereotypes that define residents of West Hollywood, Santa Monica, Sherman Oaks, Westwood and Holmby Hills, and Dylan McDermott, Zoe Saldana, Lake Bell, Nick Stahl, and Shannen Doherty are going to play them. We'll let you match neighborhood to actor. · And finally, we'd like to introduce you to Troublemaker, the kind of Sulawesi black-crested macaque you just wanna kick back and have a beer with.

Hollywood PrivacyWatch Fonzie's Birthday Edition!— On Yom Kippur (10/9?) I'm driving up Sepulveda, near the Getty Center. I'm stopped as people are crossing the street to make it to services in time, and who crosses right before my path? Worst attorney in the world, Mr. Barry Zuckerkorn himself, HENRY WINKLER. (According to the IMDB, he also played Fozzie in American Graffiti, where he jumped sharks). He seemed to be late, in a rush to atone perhaps, but it was still very cool. [Hollywood PrivacyWatch is written by and for Defamer readers; send your sightings to tips@defamer.com.]

Digging around our Otherwordly TV Programming inbox this afternoon, we found just the bit of ephemera we'd been praying for: a spot teasing ABC's Unleached, featuring our experimental dance/comedy idol Cloris Leachman's finest outtakes from her abortive journey on Dancing With the Stars. It's all here — the sassy interviews, the heroic training regimens, her heaving bosom, and pretty much everything else preceding her pyrrhic-victory lap on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Alas, when contacted for additional information, an ABC could confirm only that we'd been duped by creative gag-reel editors from the inside. Cruel, and cruelly unfair at that; we'd watch three seasons of Unleached before watching another hour of CBS's entire fall line-up. Are we wrong? [YouTube]