ABC unveiled the cast of Dancing with the Stars last night, and in a flight of artsy-fartsy-fancy, we've paired them with a choreographer from history we think could best serve them throughout the competition.

New York Fashion Week begins Thursday but we're getting the jump on it tonight. First up: The ageless icon Karl Lagerfeld. Maybe you can't afford his clothing, but you can probably achieve his hairstyle.

Disney and DreamWorks today sent out official confirmation of their shotgun wedding, issuing a release around town raising more questions about its relationship than it answers.

Questions are continuing to pile up in the Chris Brown/Rihanna dispute, including debate over whether there was a deadly weapon involved and speculation that a second felony charge could be coming down the pike.

Jerry Springer's unlikely Talent heir: Nick Cannon? [The Live Feed]

Looking for that elusive, one-of-a-kind resource to help you attain Ben Lyons's dizzying heights of film literacy? Oh. Well, he's revealed his secret anyway.

Congress stepped in to ensure your bubby's old Hitachi still receives snowy episodes of All My Children, but you have been given a similar window of opportunity to rethink your life and poor eating habits.

The NSFW redband trailer for Seth Rogen's Observe and Report resolves a few lingering issues around the rapidly developing mall-cop comedy subgenre. First up: "Comedy" might be stretching things.

Claire Danes engaged, Billy Crudup's blue wang still single. [People]

No one ever told Whitney Houston that talking was going to be part of her comeback, but the embattled singer bravely attempted to speak words at last night's Grammys, with varying levels of success.

Tired of Christian Bale spoofs and Michael Cera's obstinate reluctance to sign on to the Arrested Development movie? Have we got a video for you!

If the incoming Oscar producers are serious about their pledge to detonate the awards show and rebuild from scratch, may they take two imperative lessons from Sunday night's Grammy telecast:

Out of popular demand, and several days too late, the results vastly exceeded our expectations. [YouTube via BoingBoing]

· A brash appeal to teenyboppers brought 19 million viewers to CBS for the Grammys.

Finally, W has released the photo essay that documents the exact moments that Madonna met/fell for/sucked the soul out of 22-year-old Brazilian model Jesus Luz. So, what have we learned?

Not yet recovered from M.I.A.'s 9-months-pregnant body dressed to resemble a Minnie Mouse head? Coldplay in colorful, matching melody-pirate outfits? You have a Grammy hangover. Take some box office numbers and go back to bed:

Mickey Rourke put some Oscar-race distance between himself and Sean Penn last night, winning the British Academy Awards' Best Actor prize before ceremonially washing it down backstage with a bottle of Champagne.

Most-shirtless Oscar-nominated screenwriter Dustin Lance Black made his deepest inroads yet to awards-night glory, claiming two WGA prizes Saturday for his work on Milk.

As the last awards stopover for two weeks before the Oscars, the Orange British Academy Film Awards could have made things fun by rejecting Slumdog Millionaire just for the hell of it. Oh well.

Defamer's Week in Review: Christian soldiered onward, Bikini Girl strode outward, Jude posed dragward, and Miley mugged slantward. Remember the good times after the jump, and have a great weekend!