· 30-second ad spots on the final episode of ER — featuring George Clooney, Noah Wyle and Anthony Edwards — are going for the low, low price of $425,000. We'll take two.
· The existential crises of Garfield Without Garfield have felt uniquely harrowing this week. At least add Odie back in or something.
· Flaxen-haired Jared Leto is out and about at this weekend's Oscar festivities. Consider yourself warned.
· ZOMG Google Earth found Atlantis! Maybe? Never mind.

Hmm. Strange. Our top comments of the week have earned their writers this mysterious trail of breadcrumbs, which appears to be leading to a place in the distance. Where? Perhaps we'll find out very soon...

FRIDAY
· Sonic Youth leader Thurston Moore makes the solo rounds with The Haters, Dead Machines and Hive Mind at the Smell.

Here's the trailer for Judd Apatow's Adam Sandler starrer Funny People, which looks like it will be hailed as the director's most mature, personal film yet. How personal? Let us count the ways:

As expected, the Academy steadfastly denies the legitimacy of that list of "leaked Oscar winners" currently making the rounds. But after rigorous analysis in Defamer's Oscarology Labs, we've authenticated much more than you'd think.

Rihanna steps out in public, releases statement. [Us]

There's a leak in TMZ.com chief Harvey Levin's ship of gossip. The Time Warner-owned gossip site paid $62,500 to get a police photo of singer Rihanna's facial injuries, TheMediaBuffet.com claims, citing a TMZ insider.

We're preparing ourselves for the last night of Late Night Conan with some BBC. It's important to check out what the Brits are chortling at these days because NBC will be repackaging it soon.

Despite editor Graydon Carter's earlier claims of a smaller Vanity Fair Oscar party on Sunday night, the event permit filed with the CIty of West Hollywood, which CityFile dug up, says they're expecting a thousand people.

Tonight is Conan O'Brien's last Late Night. Yes, it's a bittersweet changing of the guard—but he's all ours now! Make him feel at home by signing this Defamer Welcomes Conan to L.A. card.

Of all the possible Oscars surprises, the one most obvious—that Hugh Jackman will perform the show completely naked, his mind fizzily distracted by multiple Champagne cocktails on an empty stomach—never even occurred to us.

In what must be the last of the worst-guarded Top Secrets in Oscardom, we're learning a little more today about the show's new strategy behind the camera. Hint: The Academy is sending the blitz!

We'll be liveblogging the Oscars Sunday, at 5p.m. PST. Stake your spots early: You're going to want the best sight lines possible as we obsessively chronicle every Ledger-family chokehold, Swarovksi-curtain blinding, and big band speech-interruption.

The clip is a true teaser in every sense of the word: a lushly scored, dialogue-less series of...well, embraces. Still, it's known that Cruz is playing an actress caught up in a love rectangle, and that Almodóvar is looking to channel the spirit of directors like Nicholas Ray in making this film noir. There are three things that seem to bring out the best in Cruz: Almodóvar, Woody Allen, and Fergie's labia. We can't wait.

It's Friday, and that means one thing: It's Defamer Friday Funtime! Wherein we share something completely stupid with you in the hopes that it will make you smile, possibly kickstarting a weekend of savage self-abuse.

Sigourney Weaver just won't stop teasing potential Alien sequel. [MTV]

· And failing that, Esquire's got a few do's and dont's for you as well.

Few outlets have done as comprehensive a job at Twilight pandering as MTV, and Summit has finally taken time out of its busy schedule of being fellated by EW to throw them a bone.

We've seen the official trailer for Inglourious Basterds—a film that takes that incredibly satisfying face-melting scene from the end of Raiders and supersizes it to two blood-drenched, Nazi-mutilating hours—and now we present the posters.

Though the new season of Project Runway hasn't aired yet (thanks, Weinsteins!), the show was forced to present its mysterious final collections today at Fashion Week, regardless. What kind of catchphrase-spouting designers should we expect?