DOs and DON'Ts for when you get a DUI:

Listen up, poors: important "news you can use" about how the government will take your children away from you, for some bullshit. They can't technically take your kids away just for being poor, but god forbid you smoke a spliff.

We ask that you now stop what you're doing and take a close look at this security video footage, shot 5:25 pm Tuesday at a Dallas Exxon TigerMart. In it, a man wearing a black and white flower dress with white boots, a pair of panties over his face, and what might possibly be an arm accessory fashioned out of yellow police tape, enters the convenience store. He then demands money from the cashier and a patron — pointing what appears to be a gun at them from underneath the dress — and flees with their cash. He is described by Dallas PD as a "white male, 5'05" and weighing 145 lbs," armed with "fabulous legs" and "a fierce, take-no-prisoners attitude." Approach with extreme caution. [Dallas Observer]

Artist Todd White is famous for designing characters who live in a pineapple under the sea. But did he also design an elaborate kidnap and art theft caper in Huntington Beach? Gallerist Margaret Howell has filed a $7.5 million lawsuit accusing "agents of Mr. White" of imprisoning and assaulting her for several hours, stealing $1 million in artwork, forcing her into "reciting a rehearsed and scripted 'consent' into a voice recorder," and then defaming her to associates.

A British man was released on bail today after he was busted trying to break into Facebook. According to the authorities, he allegedly "secured access" to Facebook servers repeatedly. So how close did he get to taking control of the social network's 700 million accounts?

Marvell Scott used to be the sportscaster guy on WABC-TV in New York City. Now he's a doctor. A doctor who just got sentenced to zero jail time for being "inappropriate" with a 14 year-old prostitute. Huh?

Hey, why didn't anyone ever think of this before? Instead of just allowing gang members to go places and do things, tell them they can't go places and do things. Places are only for good people! Gang problem= solved!

Scotland Yard today said that 1,005 allegedly riotous individuals have been charged with various crimes connected to last week's little kerfuffle in Britain, and added that the investigation is "far from over."

Are you feeling the heat from debt collectors? Or maybe you just aren't sure how you'll make your next credit card payment? Whatever the case, just be thankful you don't owe money to Citibank in Indonesia. And if you do, don't accept an invitation to settle in the bank's interrogation room.

There's such thing as being too hands-on a parent. Take for instance Oregon mom Keemonta Peterson, whose box-cutter-assisted, do-it-yourself circumcision of her 3-month-old son resulted in a sentence of five years probation and psychological evaluation.

A 14-year-old kid in Georgia wounded his grandmother and killed his great-grandmother with a "34- to 36-inch sword" on Monday. Fourteen years old! It had to be rap music, right? Or heavy metal? Or—no—videogames.

This is a distasteful subject, yes, but let's, for a moment, talk about defenses against a rape charge. I guess people who are charged with a violent rape could say it was a case of mistaken identity, that they weren't the guy who did it. That is about the only possible defense that I can think of! Or, you can try what NYC rape suspect Jason Quinones is saying: that terrified woman whose apartment I broke into totally wanted it.

Around three dozen young people got together on Saturday night in Germantown, Maryland and decided to casually walk into a 7-11 and loot the hell out of it. Local news reports are calling it a "flash mob" — a blanket term that's readily applied to any act of assholery by a group of teenagers in public — when really it's just shoplifting en masse. You can watch the other two parts of the video here and here. Personally, I like the guy who grabs the hat on his way out.

Lyle Bensley, a 19-year-old from Galveston, Texas, broke into a complete stranger's apartment early Saturday morning wearing only his boxer shorts. He then walked into the resident's bedroom, and began making "growling and hissing noises" while "biting and hitting" her, according to Galveston police.

On Sunday, police in Thibodaux, La.—following up on a tip from someone who thought he saw a human head in the road—found a "a garbage bag of body parts."

Times Square has cleaned up a lot over the last 20 years or so! But there's still no better place on earth to die with drugs in your pocket. Especially if you're the pastor of a huge church in Florida.

One of the summer's weirdest stories—the Australian teenager who had a "collar bomb" strapped to her neck for ten hours, only to learn it was fake—took another weird turn on Monday when the first suspect arrested the case turned up in... Kentucky?

The standoff between Tulsa cops and the crazy guy on top of a communications tower entered its fifth day on Monday, passing the 100-hour mark this afternoon. "This situation is unusual," Officer Leland Ashley tells the Tulsa World.

Lawyers for America's most hated former mother Casey Anthony are fighting her court-ordered probation in Florida. She either wants the probation eliminated due to "time served," or the location moved somewhere else. There have been multiple motions, one judge had to recuse himself, and another judge has called the whole situation "a mess." This lady's life is neverending disaster.

23-year-old David Dowling and his buddy were busted for stealing a life-size cutout of Justin Bieber from an F.Y.E. in a Florida mall. (They still have those!?) He told the cops: "We were just having fun holding Justin Bieber hostage."