After sentencing them to eight years just last month, Iranian authorities have supposedly released Americans Joshua Fattal and Shane Bauer from prison today. At least that's what "a U.S. official" told CNN, to which CNN texted back, "pix or GTFO."

Joan Renee Zalk is a professional yoga instructor and acupuncturist, not a professional dog walker. So please pardon her for not realizing that making a chihuahua run alongside your Toyota Camry while you drive isn't an acceptable dog-walking practice. There's no manual about these things, and she doesn't always get to read the British papers.

Gosh, you are probably saying to yourself right now, my commute was bad today. I wonder how it was in Boca Del Rio, Mexico? Well! "Masked gunmen blocked traffic on a busy avenue... and dumped the bodies of 35 slaying victims as horrified motorists watched."

Troy Davis has become a cause celebre for death penalty opponents and fans of justice in general—primarily because there's substantial doubt about whether he's actually guilty of the crime he's sentenced to die for.

After being robbed of $400 in a drug deal, the mother of Cassondra Marie Rassi—the smiling woman whose mugshots you see here—decided to retaliate against the alleged dealer-thief by building a pipe bomb and blowing up the person's car.

A marauding gang of cross-dressing bandits stand accused of stealing "thousands of dollars of filmy fabrics, sequins, feather boas and other accessories" from stores across Florida. This loathsome act of scrunchie-jacking larceny has produced some of the best eyewitness quotes from any single news story in recent memory. Orlando Sentinel, you are the best.

Look, we're all for taking an interest in your children's extra-curricular activities, but we draw the line at going all hockey groupie on members of your son's team. (Actually, we draw the line way before that.) Sadly, Katia Maria Davis, a 44-year-old mom from Laguna Niguel, looks to have felt differently, as she was arrested last Wednesday on suspicion of having sex with two members of the Beach City Lightning, her son's youth hockey team. One was "under 16" at the time of the alleged incidents, thought to have occurred around six years ago. The other was "under 14."

One super funny thing about the classic "police lineup" is how likely it is to get an innocent person convicted of a crime. It's given us so many wacky crime dramas! Alas, a new study says that there is something better than the ol' Usual Suspects method.

Curious college student Luciana Reichel thought it would be funny to add Visine to her roommate's water bottle a la Wedding Crashers, in which Owen Wilson added Visine to Bradley Cooper's wine—and made him super-sick. Well, sometimes life really does imitate art, because Reichel's roommate—just like Cooper's character—also became super-sick!

One night back in July, 18-year-old Minneapolis resident Malo Dashaunta Gomez decided that the best way to cure his boredom was to shoot off his gun. So he saw some cops hanging out in a squad car and fired off nine rounds at them. Problem solved?

How could you possibly improve the story of two 19-year-old women falling in love and going on a summer-long crime spree? What if I told you a lion was involved?

Talk about dick moves: Two British drug dealers, one of whom is named Richard Johnson, are in jail after admitting that they attacked a late-paying mephedrone customer by putting his penis between hot straightening tongs. The customer, 18-year-old Anthony Dabbs, was so traumatized that he fled the town. Small business owners take note!

You know how no one has a job or money and everything's going to shit and you feel like a rat in a cage and the streets are erupting into a cauldron of rage and torn flesh? It's all in your head. According to the feds, violent crime was down 12% last year.

A pair of Coloradans have been charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft, and criminal impersonation for loading their dead friend's body into the backseat of their car, then using his ATM card to finance a night of bar- and strip-club-hopping. The cause of death has not yet been determined.

Denroy Morgan, an old-timey Jamaican reggae star, got pulled over in the Bronx on Friday with 25 pounds of weed in his trunk. Oh crikey, can you be any more stereotypical, Denroy Morgan?

Eight people have been charged in Italy for allegedly supplying tangerine sex machine PM Silvio Berlusconi and his associates with prostitutes for his legendary "bunga bunga" parties. Berlusconi has not been charged in this case. [BBC]

After reading some books about banking, Denny Ray Hardin set up a website, created 2,000 fake promissory notes, and opened up "the Private Bank of Denny Ray Hardin" (not necessarily in that order) from his home in Kansas City. How entrepreneurial! And illegal.

25-year-old Katherine Goldberg is in a bit of a pickle, it would seem, after getting a little hammered on a Virgin Airways flight from South Africa to London. Well, "a little" might be underplaying it. Goldberg, who works in education, consumed "50 centilitres" — or about a pint — of whisky on the flight, the Telegraph reports. But she hadn't yet broken any laws.

Here we have the booking photos (click to enlarge) of eight men from the Swartzentruber Amish sect, all of whom were ordered arrested and jailed on Monday by a Kentucky judge. Their crimes?

There have always been a few particularly bad apples amongst the never-ending parade of costumed ne'er-do-wells that loiter outside Hollywood's famed Grauman's Chinese Theatre. Past arrests have included that of a rampaging Chewbacca and a Spider-Man gone berserk. Now to those unseemly ranks we add yet another, for SpongeBob SquarePants was "questioned but not arrested" by LAPD officers on Tuesday after a "brief incident with two females."