A small town in Alabama is offering non-violent offenders the choice between doing prison time and paying a fine, or working their sentence off by going to church every week.

After spending 26 years in a Texas prison for murdering a guy, Randall Lee Church became a free man in April 2011. As it turns out, however, he didn't care for freedom very much. We can't really blame him.

Making good on their gruesome warning of targeting "internet snitches," members of Mexico's Zetas drug cartel decapitated a woman who was a frequent poster to a website where citizens could post information about drug gang violence.

Attention pig farmers! Thieves who may or may not be operating in "well-organized rings" have been stealing hundreds of pigs owned by your Minnesota and Iowa brethren—most likely to sell as emotional-support animals the pork chops and hams of the future. Your porcine pals could be next!

"I love being single." — Floridian Jennifer Hearn, posting to Facebook after allegedly murdering her husband Cliff and burying him in a hog pen. Hearn, who says she shot her husband during an argument, has been charged with second-degree murder.

Although Floridian father Michael Turner has decorated his body with several tattoos, he didn't want his daughter to get any body art of her own. Tattoos are played out, and also nerdy. Apparently his daughter did not care, however, and convinced her brother to drive her to the tattoo parlor. Felony charges resulted!

As the resident watchwoman of the Cook County Forest Preserve in Chicagoland, USA, Cynthia Wojtanowski was supposed to make sure that nobody ever used forest lands to grow their deadly devil weed. The County's definition of "nobody" included "Cook County Forest Preserve watchwomen named Cynthia Wojtanowski."

It's a scientific fact that teenagers are annoying. But are they so annoying that you should throw urine at them? One 91-year-old man says: Yes. A whole bucket.

I don't know how many times we have to go over this, people: when you're planning a murder, do not announce that fact on your Facebook page. Just find satisfaction in the murder itself.

Remember meth-addled Geraldo Martinez, who killed a cat by throwing it out of a seventh-story window after having sex with it? He pleaded guilty to animal torture and received a two-year sentence. The judge dismissed a bestiality charge, because why?

Hey there! Um, so, I don't want to interrupt your breakfast or morning calisthenics or anything, but I was wondering if you could help me out with something. I'm trying figure out which one of these guys has the most memorable mugshot.

In July, a Brazilian hitman named Carlos Roberto de Jesus was paid a little over $500 by a jealous housewife to kill Iranildes Aguiar Araujo — another woman she suspected of having an affair with her husband. But Carlos broke Rule Number One of the Hitman's Handbook, the Daily Mail reports. He forgot to check his heart at the door.

A 25-year-old from Syracuse has been charged with reckless endangerment and child endangerment for using cocaine while breast-feeding her 14-month-old baby. The New York Daily News reports:

Off-duty NYPD officer Michael Pena was arrested in uptown Manhattan last month after a woman said he grabbed her, flashed a gun, took her into an alley, and raped her. Police caught him red-handed, drunk, and armed. Innocence personified!

Prosecutors have charged two Fullerton, California police officers involved in the death of Kelly Thomas, a schizophrenic, homeless man who was brutally beaten during a confrontation with six Fullerton cops in early July. It sounds like they're not kidding around, either.

David Alan Anderson is not an exemplary traveler. After the 60-year-old Salt Lake City native recently boarded a Las Vegas-bound Delta flight, he immediately started elbowing the passenger seated directly next to him in an attempt to "claim" the armrest, according to a federal complaint. That led to Anderson putting his "foot on the passenger's leg," to which the passenger responded: "Sir, you are going to have to move over."

Getting home with your big bag of Taco Bell only to find that the guy behind the counter forgot your "Border Sauce"—we've all been there, right? The thing is, most of us probably didn't go back to the Bell with a shotgun.

Gay men always get stereotyped as being drama queens while the lesbians escape the rap. Well, let's look at the case of Angela DeHart, the lesbian car thief who boosted a hearse with a body in the backseat. This crazy story will change the stereotype.

The Senate is about to debate whether Google is evil. The search giant's competitors, including Yelp, have come out swinging, and they seem to have a good case.

Christopher "Dudus" Coke was the baddest cross-dressing drug lord in Jamaica—it literally took an army to bring him down. Now, he's about to be sentenced in New York. He'd like leniency, please. Why? Because! Stuff, and things.