[via FishbowlNY]

The PR company for Stickam, a video site that embeds flash-based blah-blah-blah-who-cares, sent a "video pitch" to journalists and bloggers instead of the usual text pitch. Most threw it away like any old PR spam.

The web archaeologists over at BestWeekEver.tv have unearthed a particularly impressive specimen: a 2001 McDonald's commercial featuring recently queer-empowered Lance Bass up at bat during a round of spin-the-bottle with the members of *NSYNC and Britney Spears. With the odds an attractive 5-1 that Bass would be spared the one vagina at the table, the bottle lands on the big money: Justin Timberlake, whose convincingly icked-out reaction undoubtedly drew upon countless late-night tour bus inquiries from his bandmate along the lines of, "Hey, Justin? You still up? Wanna arm wrestle, then compare abs?"

Jim Gilchrist is the founder of the border vigilante group known as the Minuteman Project, and he hopes to surf a bitchin' wave of xenophobia right into the U.S. Congress. Celebrating that cause plus his new book about the Minutemen, Gilchrist showed up at Ground Zero today to confront Satan, and/or people who don't share his views on immigration. We're not sure who "the meanest thugs carrying the biggest clubs" are, or why they would both "trammel" and "pummel" Gilchrist and his minions, but it all sounds like a cracking good time. According to Gilchrist, Satan might be the prince of darkness, but he will "back down under the rule of law." Because Satan is already thisclose to losing his driver's license from those two DUIs, so can you give him a ride back uptown, dude?

• Previously: The Morning Cruise: Wedding Rumors, Katie's Career, And Other Fun [Defamer]

The local CBS coverage of the latest Stirr Mixer takes that usual amused tone that the locals cast on Valley techies.

The fine folks at Animal point to this interesting bit on News Hounds, detailing how Hezbollah issued a "directive" to Fox News in particular and the media in general "not to show outgoing Katyusha rocket fire." Such a reaction might have been prompted by segments like the above, where Fox's Bill Hemmer points out (from the Israeli side) where such rockets had likely been fired from, and where they likely landed. Apparently Hezbollah believes that such coverage helps the Israelis target their positions. Since Fox has personnel on the Lebanese side of the border who might, you know, get all dead and stuff if one of those rockets "accidentally" went the wrong way, Fox agreed to abstain from rocket spotting.

The payoff on this clip comes about thirty seconds in: As Mayor Bloomberg praises Con Ed chief Kevin Burke for, we don't know, not allowing Queens to be consumed by an apocalyptic fireball, the pols behind him visibly roll their eyes in disgust. We're surprised no one stuck two fingers up behind the mayor's tiny head. Quote of the day goes to Assemblyman Michael N. Gianaris, who said, "Someone should ask the mayor why the guy playing solitaire deserves to be fired but Kevin Burke, who denied hundreds of thousands of people electricity and lied to the people about it, deserves to stay in his job."

Meet Melanie Martinez, until recently the host PBS Kids Sprout's "The Good Night Show," a collection of stories and cartoons designed to ease the kiddies into slumberland. What came between Melanie and her role as toddler tour-guide? Oh, you know, just a couple parody commercials endorsing assfucking. Thanks to the folks at Celebrity Crunch, we can all enjoy the pro-buttlovin' P.S.A. below.

This is a bit longer a clip than we might usually take your time with, but the creep factor makes it worth a look. It's videographist "Boss Tweed's" mashup of legendary sexolutionary Helen Gurley Brown giving advice on how to have an affair, run over news clips and other ephemera relating to the love triangle between philanderin' Peter Cook, forsaken ex-model Christie Brinkley, and homewrecking youth Diana Bianchi. Dates from the time where you could say "affair" without necessarily meaning "extramarital," but you can nevertheless thrill to observations like "Even pretty little slips of girls love to be called fascinating and funny!" and "Admire her character — even if she doesn't have any!". Strangely, no mention of "twat."

As powerless Queens alternately descends into Stone Age darkness or emerges to the withering gaze of the sun-god, them manholes continue to explode. Enjoy this WNBC morning news footage of a not-on-fire ConEd worker lethargically rolling across the street — until you see the flaming hellmouth he just barely escaped.

Tonight's the night you've been waiting for: at 9 PM, Bravo will unveil its riveting Daily News docu-series, Tabloid Wars. Much has been made of the appearance of gossipista Lloyd Grove's then-fluffer Hud Morgan (who has since fled to Men's Vogue), a lad whose wit and wisdom elevates the show to Emmy-worthy levels. Like manna from heaven, we've been blessed with a clip of Hud doing what he does best: covering a party, during which he asks a woman, "Can you get me a beer, because I'm such a man?" (Bet that goes over swimmingly at Conde.) As for actual gossip reporting, when Adrian Grenier tells Hud to do something that contributes to the greater good, our man gets philosophical and asks, "Why?" Indeed, dude. Indeed.

The rest of the post and an update after the jump.

Abandon your composure for a moment and allow Oliver Stone to take you to a new emotional low with the trailer for his forthcoming treat, World Trade Center. Honestly, does this film need to be so dark and depressing? Where are the 9/11 comedies? The rollicking buddy flicks? The Farrelly brothers? C'mon, Hollywood — we want to laugh!

Say hello - or, more appropriately, goodbye - to Malan Breton, the latest casualty from "Project Runway." In a brief exit interview with "The Today Show," Malan talks about overconfidence, his mom, and - well, we're going to be honest, we've just been watching this over and over and looking at the dude. He's a weird compilation of French Stewart, Alan Cumming, and Harry Connick, Jr. It's kind of mesmerizing. Take a look.

"Text? Text is for your granddad! Everyone's kickin' it at BoomYEAH! We rock out in hot spots like SALT LAKE CITY! We look like Netflix! We are making WEB 3D! It's on your time! It's statistical! The revolution has begun! BOOMYEAH BABY!"

We know it's all too easy to regurgitate a funny from last night's Daily Show, but trust us, this particular segment merits a look for sheer ranty showmanship over and above Jon Stewart's usual routine mockery. The main subject is CNN's waffling on the use of the phrase "brink of war," plus the appending of a cautionary question mark on same. The wrap consists of a long-overdue slam on the media trope of worrying how actual pain elsewhere translates into "pain at the pump" for Americans.

Enjoy this cringe-inducing Best Week Ever montage of Barbara Walters's inability to keep her hands off the hair of recent guests of color on The View. Both popstar/starlet Brandy and TV hostess Tanika Ray get the business, enduring creepy hair-tugging and light caresses. Black people are different in all kinds of ways!