Earlier: The Infinite Torture of Starbucks (Check out the comments for reports of other Starbucks riots around the city.)

While we have a propensity to mock journalists on this site, let it be known that there are some dedicated, professional people who are willing to put their lives on the line in pursuit of the public's right to know. What, for instance, happens if you sit in a hot car for too long? Yesterday, the stalwart correspondents at Good Morning America investigated. The results... may surprise you.

Last night, on a very special episode of Project Runway: bad boy contestant Keith Micheal sparked the baritone ire of fashion-coach Tim Gunn when his fey roommates discovered Keith had fashion pattern books in his room. To make matters worse, Keith also left the production unsupervised and checked the internet. Bringing any sort of how-to books and surfing for internet porn are, as Gunn says, "big no-nos." And so the scolded child must pack his bags and go, resigned to a cruel fate of designing Old Navy performance fleece.

Now that everyone seems to have calmed down about Chuck Norris, David Hasselhoff has re-re-re-emerged as the fleeting kitsch masculinity icon of the moment, receptive to the brutish advances of anyone with a reasonably fat endorsement check. Hence this ad for British net provider Pipex that's been making the rounds, where Hasselhoff loudly claims his title as "king of the Internet." One has to admire the Hoff — briefly — for throwing himself shamelessly into the mugging. Afterwards, you realize you never want to say "the Hoff" again, even sarcastically.

This clip right here should be ample proof to any New Yorker that there really is no God. Thanks to Thighs Wide Shut via the Apiary for killing off what little remains of our optimistic nature. And as for you, remember longingly what life was like before you'd witnessed the opening credits, theme, and skatin' Steve Guttenberg from 1980's Can't Stop the Music. Good evening.

This is a story of an actor's unshakeable faith rewarded.

It's rare that The View's resident pretty-but-dumb blonde Elisabeth Hasselbeck says more than 3 seconds worth of right-wing drivel, but when she does, it's out of passion. Today the ladies (with special guest co-host Lisa Loeb) discussed the over-the-counter availability of morning-after pill Plan B, and of course this sent young Hasselbeck into a tizzy of earnest "life begins at penetration" arguments, getting herself so worked up that her voice slipped into the trying-not-to-cry quiver. Den mother Barbara Walters eventually had to step in and calm the girl down; after the segment, we're certain that Hasselbeck stomped off to her room and slammed the door. "You'll never understand me, Barbara! I hate this family! I can't wait till I go to college and get away from you people!"

A resourceful operative dug up this video of serial killer-befriending actress Victoria Redstall's fine work for Grobust, an herbal breast-enhancing remedy whose unfortunate side-effects seem to include the atrophying of the part of the brain responsible for making generously bosomed females flee from incarcerated men with a track record of storing surgically removed mammaries in recloseable sandwich bags. Should any other clips from her reel be made available online, we'll be sure to pass them along and do our part to get her some work that might leave her less time to hang around inside prisons.

We're all about exceeding expectations and reaching the broadest possible audience here at Gawker. We realize that some of you might have found our previous post on media softball too highbrow; intense parodies of magazine features and memos from the late Harold Ross can be heavy going, especially on a day like today. So for those of you who felt left out by the previous logorrhea, we offer the following clip: It's quick, it requires no reading, and, best of all, it shows a man getting hit in the nuts by a baseball. Enjoy.

Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Tabloid Wars

Redesigning a front page is a risky venture, especially for a general-interest site — for instance, Netscape dealt with whiny users when its front page switched from top-down news to a community format. But Yahoo pulled off its front-page reworking with aplomb. Now, we don't want to credit all of Yahoo's success to its snappy "My Yahoo is changing" commercials, but if the average Yahoo user is as shallow as we are, then spots like the one below are what won them over.

Ladies and gentlemen, witness the most awkward, unnecessary PR stunt in Silicon Valley history! Software incubator Cambrian House wanted to buy cheap publicity thank Google for changing the dot-com industry.

Earlier: Gawker's Coverage of Tabloid Wars

Continuing coverage of the revelation that is CNN correspondent Karl Penhaul: We nearly yipped with joy when it seemed that Penhaul, waiting for the go-sign on this segment from today's CNN coverage, inscrutably said, "Stylin' it." Repeated viewing made it seem more likely he was just saying, "It's dialin' in." Regardless, those new to Penhaul can enjoy a few seconds of His Baldness hanging out on a Lebanese beach, sunburned and frisky. We particularly love how he says "fresh barrages."

• The Lance Bass DVD Collection [DVD NewsRoom]

If you weren't at the Get Cocky for Charity Awards ceremony, you probably have both dignity and self-respect. We, on the other hand, have neither, and were thus forced to attend the "tribute to downtown arts and culture." Here's an assault that's both visual and auditory!

I'm as confused as you'll be about this video found on YouTube (with the title "Naaasty Footage!"). As far as I can tell, the action goes as follows:

Here's what's happening today in the world of the Long Tail (Wired editor Chris Anderson's niche-marketing theory, recently disputed in the Wall Street Journal):

Ask and ye shall receive: A kind soul sent us the video of Jodi Applegate's on-screen freakout, and it's every bit as enjoyable as we expected. At this point we feel any further comment would be superfluous; just watch and enjoy.