• VMA-holes: Your Gold Teeth II [Gawker]

We conclude our coverage of the VMAs with a look at the coifs and tonsures that make us realize this is truly the best of all possible worlds. Warning: Do not look directly at images.

We don't want to oversell it, but this may very well be the single greatest video ever posted here to Gawker. Turn your audio up to ten, please.

We're gonna go ahead and say that this doesn't require a whole lot of explanation. Except for that whole WTF? thing.

Seeing as even the crickets are bored off their asses today and yesterday's trip down memory lane inspired so much reverie, we're going back to the eighties once again. Those of you who grew up in other areas will find this both bizarre and impenetrable. Those of you from here originally will be cursing our names for the rest of the evening as this tune goes through your head.

• Your American D-List Idol [The Malcontent]

Spike TV, Viacom's network for straight guys who can't count up to 45, will be airing former Viacom employee Tom Cruise's opus Top Gun this week. Again. How's the channel approaching it?

If you grew up in this area during the eighties, there are a few things that are probably permanently stuck in your head in the place where algebra should be. Among them are "Pix pix pix pix pix," that Melle Mel/Van Silk "don't do it" PSA for WNBC against crack, and this commercial, which has probably been buried deep in your subconscious. Well, HotelChatter dredged it up for us; we're going to do the same for you.

Enjoy (or completely ignore, your choice!) this internal Microsoft "training video" starring Ricky Gervais that the software monolith is trying so desperately to wipe from the face of the internets.
· Broadcast journalism tip: Make sure your mic is turned off before you run off the bathroom to blab about your life in the middle of a Presidential news conference.
The first phrase that comes to mind that rivals Costner and Kutcher Promote New Movie in its ability to deter clickthroughs is Go Here To Receive Ball Cancer.
Tom Cruise only has amusement park money, so maybe he still might be interested in some of these occupations.
Even Chinese video pirates are sick of Cruise's behavior. [via DVD Dossier]

• Paula Abdul [YouTube]

UPDATE: Thanks to commentator kid icarus for pointing out that this clip is actually from Diddy's daily video blog on his Bad Boy Records page on YouTube.

Really, there's nothing we can add.

Click to view

Are you the kind of person who gets so excited some times that you can't be quiet even for a second to let whomever you're talking to get a word in edgewise? If so, maybe a career in broadcasting isn't the right move for you. Yeah, you heard us, Campbell. Actually, you probably just talked right over it.

Early this morning we sat down with Democratic gubernatorial candidate Tom Suozzi and asked him your questions. Mr. Suozzi, answering some fairly juvenile queries, was thoughtful, professional, and substantive throughout the entire interview. Which leaves us with something of a quandary: While we don't doubt the man's political aplomb, we're not sure than any of you want to see it. So we've chosen instead to cut a series of commercials using footage from the interview: We're prepared to allow the Suozzi campaign to use them free of charge in whatever venue they desire. Let's face it, barring the revelation that Eliot Spitzer keeps Rudy Giuliani's prostate in a jar, the guy doesn't have a chance. It couldn't hurt, right? After the jump, the ads that will propel the Nassau County Executive into the high twenties.

UPDATE: A reader fluent in Japanese fills us in on some of the juicier tidbits that were lost in translation, including what the show's anchors are giggling about at the end of the video. It's after the jump.

Valleywag editor Nick Douglas was called in to CNBC this week to tape some background for a story about "the yacht index" — the quick-and-dirty economic theory by Slate writer Daniel Gross. His article, "The CEO Bought a Yacht? Then it's time to sell," inspired our equally quick-and-dirty chart.

We don't lightly link to another video clip of the same thing in the same day, but we are in the closing weeks of summer, and quite frankly, this is excellent no matter the time of year. We mentioned Diddy's new video blog, highlighting his just-awakened self. Above, the man rags on Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson for endorsing Proactiv acne treatment, which Diddy claims he's been "up on" for seven years, hence his "silky smooth cocoa butter skin." Oh yes.

• Survivor - Cook Islands - Early Show Intro [YouTube]