Here's a fascinating bit of today's View wherein Barbara Walters recounts the miraculous powers of her dog Cha-Cha, who, presumably because she's been treated better than Barbara's own daughter, has no problem expressing affection for her owner. Cha-Cha, in fact, told Barbara that she loves her. Later in the show Barbara called for other stories about talking dogs; if there's no column from Post gossip dowager Cindy Adams over the next few weeks it'll be because Cindy's busy beating her bitches until they say "Only in New York, kids. Only in New York."

Having not seen (and no desire to ever see) The Path to 9/11, we have no idea how effectively The Path to Mickey parodies the actual miniseries. (Wasn't it a dramatization, and not a documentary? Where's Pluto as Harvey Keitel?) We do, however, feel a responsibility to pass along any work that reveals Mickey Mouse's sordid history as a Nazi sympathizer, his ties to the Kennedy assassination, and his role as a co-hijacker of the plane that crashed into the Pentagon on September 11th. We always knew in our heart that the acting career was a front for more nefarious pursuits.

"It was the hardest boyfriend I ever had to break up with," Stacey "Fergie" Ferguson told Time magazine in an interview for the issue that hits newsstands Monday.

PRESIDENT Bush showed off his sense of humor this morning on "Today" in an interview with Matt Lauer. The segment, taped Friday, showed Bush entering the Oval Office holding a copy of People magazine opened to the page with a bare-chested Matt Lauer. The president jokes, "Can I have an autograph?" Lauer responds: "Oh, do not start with this. That's just not nice [pointing to the picture]. The amazing thing is they put my head on your body." Bush: "I don't spend that much time at the gym."

Watch it quick before NBC gets it canned — a new Saturday Night Live sketch about MySpace teens and the creepy old men who love them.

The producers of Bottoms Up, Paris Hilton's latest straight-to-Blockbuster-bargain-bin-oblivion project, couldn't be more pleased that their star drank that single, three-gallon margarita and got behind the wheel, resulting in the priceless free publicity provided by an obsessively covered DUI arrest, as their movie contains at least two instances of unexpectedly cross-promotable examples of her seemingly alcohol-impaired driving skills. Better rush out and pick up a copy now, before all of the DVD's ironic-gift possibilities are eroded by a new round of Hilton shenanigans not coincidentally reflected in the film's jarringly edited footage.

Earlier: Today on 'Today': Cindi Leive Lives in a Pup Tent in Rock Center

A gang of Microsofties is trekking the Redmond campus, recording a visit to each cafeteria in a blog that's part Anthony Bourdain, part MSN Spaces.

Normally we're not ones for corporate promotion, but it looks like Google put this dirtbike video on their home page a week back. Another user caught it in the wild.

Earlier: Great Moments in Synergy: Paris Hilton Arrested for DUI

The boys at Good Morning Silicon Valley gave Brian Valentine a warm send-off from Microsoft, finding a video of the ex-chief of Windows Vista development imitating Bluto Blutarsky from Animal House. We stole borrowed a shot to show you, but you oughta see the whole scene.

In part three of our trilogy of TV news idiocy, please enjoy this weather report. We can't believe they chose Sam Champion over this guy for the GMA job.

Anyone know what the hell's going on over at Good Morning, America? You'd figure now would be their time to shine, what with Katie moving her adorable gravitas over to CBS. Instead the show seems to be in complete disarray: Diane and Charlie feuded over who would go to the evening broadcast, there are rumors of budget money gone completely unaccounted for, and they hired Chris Cuomo. Well, at least what's happening on-screen is okay, right?

• Justin Timberlake Smells Like Teen Spirit House of Blues [YouTube via Stereogum]

You think you've had enough Suri Cruise? We'll tell you when you've had enough Suri Cruise. Until then, you're the Internet's little p t goose getting force-fed Suri cornmeal until we've decided your liver is just succulent enough. Above is this morning's Suriana from the Today show (baby-wig-tip, Cityrag), with Vanity Fair's feetch editor Jane Sarkin glibbing it up with Matt Lauer on the whole photographic extravaganza. Sarkin knows how to bring both the bubbly and the serious, so sit back and watch how the pros do it, Janice Min.

Earlier: Suri: The Photo You Won't See in 'Vanity Fair', More Suri: "This Is Definitely Tom's Child"

After months of goosebump-inducing lesbianticipation, Rosie O'Donnell at last made her debut as a regular co-host of The View today. Amply filling Meredith Vieira's vacated chair—in high heels and makeup no less—Rosie looked every bit the bulldyke lady, with only Joy Behar beaming more, as visions of tag-teaming Elisabeth Hasselbeck danced in her head. After Rosie assures the cameras that she's been cured of all asymmetrical hairdos and rampaging mood swings now that she's "taking her medicine," the subject quickly turns to that of longtime, nonsexual crush Tom Cruise, and the gargantuan floral arrangement sent by none other sitting conspicuously at her feet—a lush bouquet of blossoms plucked from the greenhouses of Scientology's Gilman Hot Springs headquarters, and specially bred to dispense an intoxicating aroma that should have the typically outspoken and opinionated View team coming to an almost magically harmonious agreement in the days to come on the life-changing benefits of a sauna-and-vitamins based lifestyle.

Not to be outdone by Diddy, Gawker mascot Andrew Krucoff takes a camera into the bathroom to note the new viral (ha ha, get it?) ad for Jackass 2. The footage is kind of grainy, but the video stream is strong. (It's hard to stop, sorry.) We just want to know if Krucoff was filming with one hand and holding his dick with the other. Because we never figured him to be that coordinated.