The recent announcement that Warner Bros. would be resurrecting He-Man for yet another big-screen adaptation stirred little in us, other than a vague feeling that our childhood had once again been diddled by a studio desperate for ideas and mild disappointment that they hadn't chosen the relatively underexploited, vastly superior Thundercats for their 80s cartoon revival project. Imagine, then, the mixture of delight and fear we experienced upon reading in today's Var that Warners has optioned a script that could one day result in Lion-O, Panthro, Cheetara (inevitably to be played by Brandon Routh, Michael Clark Duncan, and Elisha Cuthbert) and their mutant-feline clan battling Mumm-Ra (Kevin Spacey, cashing an easy paycheck) at your local multiplex. But as Dolph Lundren's beloved Masters movie has set the creative bar dauntingly high for the new He-Man project, the successful development of Thundercats faces its own challenge, as the cartoon has already received a live-action treatment that arguably obviates the need for further updates. A clip of this visionary masterwork follows after the jump:

Last night's edition of brain-smoothing dinnertime celebrity newsmagazine Extra offered up a crazy-flavored appetizer for the upcoming Bravo reality series, Hey, Paula!!!, in which the American Idol judge unscrews the top of her head and allows the world an opportunity to climb inside and stroll around the church-parking-lot-quality carnival that is her mind. The brief clip reveals little, but now we do know this: her "best friend" is her stylist (always a sign that a famous person has disengaged from reality), there are many fluffy dogs—some of which will defecate on camera—underfoot to provide believable excuses for medication-induced mishaps, and we will get some glimpses of the Idol-related "exhaustion" incidents that are the reason the show exists in the first place. Unfortunately, we have to wait until late June before the star can officially welcome us into her home, a greeting that we expect will be followed by Abdul handing us a shopping bag full of half-empty prescription-pill bottles and urging us to makes ourselves at home.

NICK DOUGLAS — None of us watch Oprah, and only a few of us tune into reality shows like American Idol — it's so predictable, and who cares about the contestants? But now there's an online reality show perfect for the Valleywag crowd: The Next Internet Millionaire. Dot-commer Joel Comm explains in his video intro: "Here, at the base of the beautiful Rocky Mountains in northern Colorado, twelve aspiring entrepreneurs will compete for a $25,000 cash prize, and an opportunity to earn a million dollars as my new joint venture partner." Imagine Startup.com and Donald Trump had a crack baby even uglier than PayPerPost's reality show. As Wired News wrote, the show is so bad it's great. There's the offer of One! Million! Dollars!, the host in the just-too-big suit jacket, and the quick screenshots of his cheesy Internet businesses. Watch the intro below and check out the auditions.

Say what you will about Paris Hilton, but if the genius-level self-promoter had decided that the best way to attract some media attention was to get involved in a plot to blow up a major metropolitan airport, the evil scheme would not have been quite so easily foiled.

Gay Pride Month kicked off this weekend with the first parade of the season, in beautiful Jackson Heights, Queens. Momo, our man on the scene, took it all in. Drag queens, dykes on bikes, cheerleaders... it's just like Manhattan, only not all-white and with less money! This is gonna be the best Pride ever, we can just feel it.

NICK DOUGLAS — How did the artist below pull off this music video's odd fast-forward, almost-in-reverse effect? And how great are these lines: "You're prettier than fine CSS / you're finer than delish-i-ess"? If you hate the term "Love 2.0" (and god knows I do), you'll love the song with that title. Watch it below or give it 5 stars on YouTube.

We continue our series chronicling the 7,999,900 stories the naked city that New York magazine deems too down-market. This week, Richard Blakeley meets a city sage who has both his spiritual and temporal bases covered. As our Lookee puts it, "I might be into yoga, but time doesn't stop for New Yorkers." Truer words, etc.

Destroying our secret hope that Paris Hilton's surrender to authorities would take place following a high speed chase in which the desperate heiress piled her menagerie of neglected pets into her Maybach and made a bold sprint for the Mexican border, it seems that Hilton's last moments of freedom played out relatively uneventfully.

Lindsay Lohan has made a little news lately, what with all the cocaine-having and out-passing and car-crashing and rehab-entering. How do New Yorkers feel about the highly-publicized struggles of one of Long Island's most famous citizens? We stuck The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley out front of the office and wouldn't let them back in until they found out.

In the real New York, bar bathrooms serve as fitting rooms for trying on potential pairings, an all-important step before making that one-night commitment. Luckily for us, Slut Machine has been around all the blocks. In this occasional column, she rates which restrooms of N.Y.C.'s watering holes are best for non-traditional restroom activities. And then you call her a slut in the comments, you perceptive creatures you.

If your crazy Grandpa is too far away to visit, or just dead, you might just get a little misty watching this montage of some great recent moments from former "Today Show" weatherman and centenarian celebrator Willard Scott. Yes, he's still alive. Anyway, the whole thing was brilliantly assembled for some reason by Gawker videologist Alex Goldberg. Also, "areola" refers to the colored area of skin which encircles the nipple. That's pretty much all you need to know going in.

Even if this weren't an incredibly touching story, this clip from "The View" would be worth it solely for the way Barbara says the word "hookers" about three hundred times in twenty seconds.

The Best Week Ever blog has pulled the above clip from Sunset Tan, E!'s latest documentary-style celebration of all that is glorious about life in our somewhat image-conscious city. Be appalled if you must that a doting mom would drop $1300 on having her daughter irradiated and spray-tanned to a hue favored by Lindsay Lohan; we, however, are disgusted only that the parent didn't march her neglected child over to Dr. 90210's office for an on-camera consultation for the pre-teen breast augmentation that's wildly popular in fifth-grade classrooms this year, or, at the very least, a quick Restylane treatment to preemptively paralyze the various facial muscles that will soon rob her of her youthful good looks.

On the CBS Early Show this morning, our former Intern Neel pandered to the aged contingent of voters who may yet still make him Glamour magazine's next "Jake" advice columnist. Neel likes being with older women because "it's a different experience." He went on to clarify that "it's not something you experience on a regular day to day basis." Yeah, we hear it's more like every other day.

Last night's "O'Reilly Factor" featured a discussion between noted solons Donald Trump and Bill O'Reilly himself on the endlessly fascinating topic of "loser" Rosie O'Donnell. (Remember her? She used to be on "The View"?) Did you know she was polling even more poorly among Fox News viewers than President Bush? Well, she is. Also, they hate her.

· A reader asks us, "This is fake, right?" Considering how Will Ferrell and his merry, viral pranksters at Funny or Die have burned us before, we have to say it is. But it's still fun watching George-Michael getting mouthy, to say nothing of imagining him impregnating Katherine Heigl.
· We barely had time to get to the other drug-and-alchohol-related starlet hospitalization news. This truly was a Memorial Day weekend to remember.
· We don't know about you, but the sight of ripped, 60-year-old orange men in thongs never fails to awaken the beasts within us.
· Thank you, Odyssey! You're our one-stop destination for all our celebrity-sex-tape shopping needs—even the ones we forgot existed.
· Salma Hayek: Now more than ever, a series of massive, congruent orbs.
· And because today has been nothing but sadness, we leave you with a glimmer of hope: Elisabeth Hasselbeck is trying to patch things up with Rosie! We're going to climb into our inversion therapy Happy Bouncer™ and pray for their reconciliation.