If nothing else, this Age of YouTube has given us a deeper understanding of the bizarre international promotional obligations to which our cherished, movie-pimping stars are subjected upon each new worldwide release. Hollywood's latest press tour victim is Johnny Depp, who recently appeared on Japanese TV (clip above, and more here) on behalf of his recently released Pirates of the Caribbean sequel; to his credit, Depp does his best to be a good sport, humbly accepting gifts in the John Lennon-inspired persona he's working on for an upcoming project. Ultimately, however, the actor had no choice but to offend his hosts by politely refusing their ceremonial offering of the country's four most talented children, perhaps not realizing that the cultural affront will doom his film's local box office prospects and result in the disgraced tykes being sold off to the cast of Fantastic Four 2 when they pass through on their upcoming junket.

As finale fever grips the nation, even the anchors at "Good Morning America" are getting in on the act. They discuss their favorite series finales in television history. Their picks may surprise you! Unless you've been paying attention.

All this summer movie season, we're sending Richard Blakeley and the Cajun Boy to different New York multiplex flicker huts to see how viewers enjoyed their two hours of brain no-thinkee time. This week, the cineastes of Union Square's Regal Stadium 14 let you know how they liked the newest edition of the George Clooney-Brad Pitt conman franchise.

Hot hot hot profile of IAC head Barry Diller on "60 Minutes" last night. While the luscious boys of his subsidiary College Humor were, sadly, granted no screen time, Barry's wife, the luscious-in-her-own-way Diane Von Furstenberg was all over the place. Here she explains the touching marital bond that she shares with Diller.

[Warning: This post will contain spoilers. If you chose to ignore the most significant moment in the history of pop culture by time-shifting last night's Sopranos finale, we recommend that you smash your monitor with a rock and save yourself the anguish of having your life ruined. —Ed.]

Paris Hilton did indeed call Barbara Walters collect this weekend to talk about her jail time; on today's "The View," Babs discussed the how the incident has caused a spiritual awakening in the young hotel heiress. It's a powerful story of redemption. And so honest.

Demonstrating the same admirable commitment to bravely seeking out publicity in the face of unspeakable personal tragedy she exhibited in choosing to spend her final night of freedom with 4,000 of her best friends at the MTV Movie Awards, a newly re-jailed Paris Hilton yesterday expended one of her precious phone calls to reach out to the only person she felt she could trust to deliver a message of hope to her millions of fans: Barbara Walters. In a brief conversation with The View's den mother, Hilton reveals that her brief stay in prison has caused the Swarovski crystal-encrusted scales to fall from her eyes: she's now found God, is ready to drop the dumb girl "act," and wants to build a giant dollhouse in which sick children can simulate her own charmed, carefree upbringing. Truly, the L.A. County justice system's short-sighted desire to topple an icon of privilege has backfired, as Hilton will soon emerge from her incarceration as the Celebutard Nelson Mandela.

This weekend Gawker videographer Richard Blakeley took a trip to the Belmont Stakes, the third jewel in horseracing's Triple Crown, blah blah blah. What did the equestrian betting set look like? Let's just say that if you like watching douchebags cavort you won't be disappointed.

So last night "The Sopranos" - the greatest television show EVER, etc. - drew down the curtain. Balk and Choire rose at an ungodly hour to sort out the whole thing. If you're the sort of person who has not yet seen the episode and doesn't want it ruined, call in sick to work and watch it now. Then come back here and read this conversation which, it goes without saying, has more spoilers in it than [certain character who got shot last night] has holes in him. Enjoy and chime in.

So the fellow who was so distraught about the reinprisoning of Paris Hilton? Professional celebrity heckler for the Jimmy Kimmel show! He had a few other things to say. As did Fox News' Shepard Smith, who referred to the whole sordid spectacle as "a mockery of justice." Also "great for ratings," although that part was probably off-camera.

It is in difficult times like these that we throw ourselves into the arms of the Drudge Report, knowing that any potentially upsetting news with be broken to us with a gentle whisper in the ear and a reassuring stroking of our hair.

The news that Paris Hilton is going back in the can has deeply divided our nation. While some feel that this is a sign that the system works and justice is truly blind to class and race distinctions, others, such as one fellow attending the press conference at which the court's decision was announced, had a slightly different, and quite vocal, reaction.

Should the above clip of Paris Hilton's police-escorted departure from the Kings Road Detention Facility (complete with fashion report: she's "looking a little baggy and more casually dressed") not satisfy your hunger for up-to-the-minute reports about the progress of the heiress's low-speed journey to this morning's hearing, you can always switch over to Fox News.com's PARIS ON THE MOVE live stream, which is currently providing a bird's eye view of the courthouse from a hovering helicopter. But wait! Breaking: as we type these words, the camera has suddenly switched from the sky to the ground, where a number of paparazzi are milling around as they await her arrival, apparently not realizing that Hilton's already snuck in (not even the internet can keep up with the speed of this story) through a private entrance.

As we speak, Paris Hilton is wending her way back to court with a government-provided (and -mandated) escort. Fox News captured photographers on the scene covering her departure from home. Ladies and gentlemen, it's your free press, protecting your right to know.

Yesterday, hotel heiress and vehicular freestylist Paris Hilton was released from prison after only three days due to an undisclosed medical condition. What does this say about the legal system in our society? The Assimilated Negro and Richard Blakeley stepped outside to survey the surprisingly well-informed citizenry of Manhattan.

At last night's regional U.S. Air Guitar Championships, Gawker videocamera-haver Alex Goldberg caught up with High Times editor Bobby Black. Guess what? Dude smokes a lot of pot!

We have to apologize for not informing you sooner about the startling innovation that our beloved 'Toos has added to her MySpace queendom: 40-second long clips of her on-camera insights. She's mastering another platform every time we turn around, it seems! Sort of. Here, she explains why being into fashion doesn't make you shallow (for the record, it's because "fashion is a costume... I mean, all the world's a play").

Lindsay Lohan's New York apartment in the Atelier on far West 42nd Street has a secret entrance, as Access Hollywood explains. And a self-closing toilet seat, which is really annoying when you accidentally leave your head in the bowl.

Paris Hilton: Around her home for 40 days. Also, since when is herpes a valid medical condition?