Congrats to Dirty Sexy Money's Samaire Armstrong for landing at the top of Vanity Fair's "Swag-Happy 'Celebrities'" list. It's always reassuring when an actor turns a very bad addiction into a much more harmless one! [Vanity Fair]

As expected, Morgan Stanley took control of Smith Barney this afternoon, paying Citigroup $2.7 billion for a 51 percent stake in the brokerage firm. Even better: It allows John Mack, Morgan Stanley's CEO, to go home to his wife tonight and brag that he controls the largest brokerage firm in America, grabbing the coveted title out of the hands of Ken Lewis, the Bank of America chief who completed the acquisition of Merrill Lynch just two weeks ago. [Bloomberg]

• The Cipriani saga continues: The family has filed suit against landlord Tishman Speyer for terminating its Rainbow Room lease and is asking for $1.8 million in damages. [NYP]
• Here's some good news (or perhaps some wishful thinking): A handful of America's priciest restaurants, including Masa and Per Se, say that business has not been hurt by the recession. [Bloomberg]
• Joe Bastianich is dropping the price of the tasting menus at Del Posto. [NYT]
• Klee Brasserie in Chelsea is now open for lunch. [GS]
• Scott Bryan is taking over for Neil Manacle as executive chef at Apiary. [NYT]
• What can you get to eat downtown for $1 or less? Quite a bit! [Metromix]
• Change is not on the way, at least as far as the White House kitchen is concerned. The Obamas are keeping current chef Cristeta Comerford. [WP]

Remember when mega ad agency Omnicom announced it planned to lay off 3,500 employees? That was a full three weeks ago, but there's much better news to report today, at least if you happen to be John Wren, the agency's CEO: He collected another $25 million in Omnicom stock just ten days after announcing the layoffs. How nice to see that in these times of flux, some things stay the same! [AgencySpy]

The romance between Wall Street high rollers and contemporary artists was always going to be a Faustian pact, even though the Chelsea denizens who rode the wave of stratospheric prices haven't wanted to contemplate that fact. But they no longer have a choice as it becomes increasingly obvious that the collapse of the financial markets has pulled the art market right down with it.

How many financial fraudsters are on the run, or at least appear to be? At least two as of this afternoon! There's Marcus Schrenker, the financial adviser accused of defrauding investors through three of his companies, who tried to fake his death over the weekend by bailing out of his plane (which crashed in a Florida swamp) before taking off on a red motorcycle. Schrenker remains missing—some suspect he may have fled the country—but if he gets caught, he'll have quite a movie to sell to Hollywood, won't he? Schrenker isn't the only crook to have mysteriously disappeared. Robert Jaffe, the Bernie Madoff middleman from Palm Beach, who, last we heard, was selling off his wardrobe to a consignment store, failed to show up at a meeting with Massachusetts regulators today. There isn't an arrest warrant for Jaffe yet. ("What happens now is yet to be determined," says an official.) Let's hope that changes. It isn't every day that you get to see a police car chase a vintage green MG through the streets of Palm Beach.

• MSNBC is planning to broadcast the inauguration live in 27 movie theaters around the country. The tickets are free; the popcorn and soda are not. [THR]
• The White House has requested 10 to 15 minutes of airtime on Thursday evening so George Bush can give a "farewell address" to the nation. [NYT]
• Chris Rock has signed a book deal with Grand Central Publishing. [PW]
• Is Blake Lively's appearance on the cover of Vogue a bad sign? [NYP]
• Ex-Voice fashion writer Lynn Yaeger will be writing for New York. [NYO]
• Condé Nast has appointed Bill Wackermann to oversee Domino. [MW]
• Comedy Central will begin broadcasting in high definition later this month, just so you can enjoy Carlos Mencia in all his glory. [B&C]

If there's one thing we can learn from the events of the past few months, it's this: If you insist on going fishing, leave your digital camera at home. Because whether you're the son of an admitted con artist, the clueless governor of Alaska, or the "financial genius" at a bank on the verge of going bust, the photo of you holding up your catch will almost certainly be used against you in the court of public opinion. Better yet, give up fishing altogether. When's the last time you saw a photo of a disgraced politician or mogul carrying a squash racquet?

Although there's rarely any accounting for the taste of the gays who run the fashion industry, the ridiculous success of an English androygyne who's neither beautiful nor tall is one of this decade's bigger mysteries, even factoring in the admittedly significant effect of launching a hair trend. But as the modeling phenom formerly known as Laura Hollins explains in an interview, it's all thanks to numerology!

Wall Street's reputation as an aggressively male zone, running on free-flowing machismo, utterly hostile to women and irredeemably suited to adrenaline-chasing, strip club-patronizing he-men? It's scientifically accurate, according to one of those studies that uncover the secrets of life by measuring people's fingers. Research by former Deutsche Bank derivatives trader John Coates has found that traders with the longest ring fingers as compared to their index fingers—indicating exposure to high levels of male sex hormones in the womb—make three times as much money as their less biologically blessed co-workers. It certainly simplifies matters for job recruiters/rich husband-seekers: Just ask for a hand-photocopy and all will be revealed!

These are tough economic times, no doubt. Have you been tempted to make a little cash by starting up a meth lab in your apartment? Who hasn't? If you're worried that you're going to have trouble finding a pharmacy to sell you boxes Sudafed in bulk, put your worries to bed. Just make Rite Aid your first stop. [Crain's]

• Guy Metcalfe isn't having much luck flipping the apartment at 15 CPW he purchased in October for $9.35 million. Two weeks after closing on the second-floor unit, the Morgan Stanley exec put the apartment on the market for $16.5 million, cutting it down to $13.75 million in December. Now Metcalfe is chopping again: The pad is currently listed at $12.5 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]
• Jason Capello, a partner until 2007 at Dwight Anderson's (now-doomed) hedge fund, Ospraie Management, has sold his 72nd-floor condo at the Time Warner Center for $16.25 million. [Cityfile]
• Hedge funder Steven Stuart, who left Fortress to co-found the Garrison Investment Group in 2007, has taken $1 million off the price of his 35th-floor apartment at the Park Laurel on West 63rd Street. The four-bedroom spread is now listed at $9.8 million. [Cityfile, Corcoran]

Were you hoping to see Bernie Madoff stand trial? Don't get your hopes up. His lawyer is reportedly talking to federal prosecutors about a plea deal whereby Madoff "would agree to plead guilty in exchange for some type of leniency." [NYT]

Author Jay McInerney turns 54 today. Nutty editor Atoosa Rubenstein is celebrating her 37th. Orlando Bloom is 32. Grey's Anatomy star Patrick Dempsey is turning 43. Grey's creator, Shonda Rhimes, is 39. Julia-Louis Dreyfus is turning 48. Former Citigroup CEO Charles Prince is 59. Former Hillary Clinton advisor (and now Citigroup exec) Lisa Caputo is turning 45. Socialite Renee Rockefeller is 41. And legendary American Idol reject William Hung celebrates his 26th birthday today.

• Citigroup and Morgan Stanley may announce a joint venture combining their brokerage divisions as early as today or tomorrow. The firms have already agreed to set aside $2 billion and $3 billion to retain top brokers. [WSJ, NYP]
• The joint venture isn't giving Citigroup or its CEO, Vikram Pandit, much of a boost. Shares dropped 17 percent yesterday as investors grew concerned the deal was prompted by Citi's desperation more than anything else. [NYT]
• Close to 2,000 former Merrill Lynch employees in London have been laid off by new parent Bank of America. [Times UK]
• AIG is expected to sell its Canadian life insurance operations to Bank of Montreal to repay government loans. [BN]
• Federal Reserve chair Ben Bernanke says a fiscal stimulus won't be enough to spur an economic recovery. [BN]

• It looks like Ashley Dupre's 15 minutes of fame isn't entirely over jet yet: She was spotted at HarperCollins' offices and is now reportedly trying to sell a memoir. [P6]
• Hijinks at the Golden Globes: Leonardo DiCaprio asked CAA to construct a ladder so he could sneak into the agency's dinner last Friday and avoid the press. Adrian Grenier and Paris Hilton were denied entry to another event. And Harvey Weinstein appears to be smoking again: He was spotted taking cigarettes out of Hilary Swank's purse. [P6]
• It's not easy being a Forbes: The family is taking its Highlander yacht out of commission until summer and has fired the ship's crew in the meantime. [P6]
• Eddy Curry is being sued by his former chauffeur for sexual harassment, after the Knicks center allegedly tried to "solicit gay sex" from the driver and forced him to "perform humiliating tasks." [NYP]

• Gisele is engaged. [People]
• Fur is back. Jean Paul Gaultier, Karl Lagerfeld and Giorgio Armani are among the designers leading the rebellion. [Ind.]
• Despite the recession (and a gazillion lawsuits), American Apparel is one of the few retailers seeing record profits. [WWD]
• Sass & Bide has dropped out of New York Fashion Week. [Fashionista]
• With marketing budgets on the decline, more designers are looking for a boost from Hollywood's awards season. [WSJ]
• Menswear designer Ferruccio Pozzoni is departing Valentino. [Reuters]
• As expected, vacancies are up on Madison Avenue. [Crain's]
• The worst of the worst from the Stephen Sprouse party last week. [Pipeline]
• Rumor has it Elite is cutting both models and bookers. [NYM]
• Blake Lively refuses to wear anything but a size zero. The solution? The Gossip Girl costume department cuts the tags out of larger samples. [FWD]

It looks like Bernie Madoff isn't out of the woods just yet. Federal prosecutors said late this afternoon that they plan to appeal the ruling allowing Bernie to remain free on bail and asked for a stay until an appeal could be considered. The judge consented and said his order would be stayed until 1pm on Wednesday. The letter from the prosecution is after the jump. [Bloomberg]

Now that Tinsley and Topper Mortimer have reportedly split up, we thought we'd give the Tinz a quick call to see if she'd changed her cheery Tinsley-and-Topper answering machine message, which we shared with you over the summer. Tragically, the situation is much worse than we could have possibly imagined: Tinz has disconnected the number! Was it us? Did she ditch the line when she moved out? We don't know, but we have no doubt that you'll do just fine, Tinsley. Topper was neither particularly good-looking nor particularly wealthy (or so we've been told on numerous occasions), and we have no doubt that you'll snag someone cuter, richer, and more suitable for life on the social circuit. Just ask your good friend Tory Burch!

Bernie Madoff was a winner today, successfully convincing a judge to let him remain free pending trial. Who lost? The dozens of reporters who turned Bernie's block into "a full-blown media circus" as they waited for him to emerge from his toasty $7 million penthouse. He never showed, of course, although a reporter for the Times did spot pro-Bernie posters on a signpost on the corner of 64th Street and Lexington Avenue, which read "Keep Bernie Madoff Free" and "No Jail and No House Arrest for Bernie Madoff." And so now you know what Bernie's sons have been doing in recent days, too! [NYT]