Yes, it's blindingly obvious, but if you're currently unemployed you can take comfort in the fact that researchers have condemned open-plan offices, where "noise, overcrowding and invasion of privacy... can lead to exhaustion, high blood pressure and even the flu." Squeezy balls, breathing techniques, and hanging a nice painting to look at are some of the measures suggested for warding off fantasies of murder-suicide, although coming to work lightly drunk, stoned, or otherwise tranquilized might help too.

• Gannett, the largest newspaper publisher in the U.S., is forcing thousands fo employees to a week of unpaid leave. [NYT]
• The NYT-owned Boston Globe is cutting its staff by 12 percent. [NYT]
• Penthouse is laying off staff. [Portfolio]
• Newspapers are saving money by outsourcing foreign news coverage. [WSJ]
• Hope you're interested in reading lots more about Bernie Madoff. There are a total of eight books about him now in the pipeline. [NYO]
• Here's something you didn't expect to hear: A recent study finds that commercials actually make watching TV more enjoyable. [AdFreak]

Jerry and Jessica Seinfeld heading into the Waverly Inn, where they had dinner with Madonna and Gwyneth Paltrow ... Paul McCartney signing autographs on the street ... Liev Schreiber pushing son Alexander in a stroller and carrying groceries ... Agyness Deyn walking in the East Village with a cup of coffee ... Blake Lively and Penn Badgley on the set of Gossip Girl ... Heather Mills shopping with daughter Beatrice and boyfriend Jamie Walker ... and Salma Hayek arriving at JFK with daughter Valentina.

Per the Times today, we're pleased to present you with a very tasty stop on the Bernie Madoff Tour of Manhattan, the restaurant Primola on the Upper East Side. According to the owner, the Madoffs turned up here once or twice a week for the past 22 years, always insisting on a "quiet table in the back." And while there are no pork sausages on the menu—Bernie's favorite—New York has great things to say about the veal scallopine and bistecca fiorentina perfumed with rosemary, garlic, and olive oil.

• The art gallery Plane Space has taken $1 million off the price of its townhouse at 102 Charles Street (left). The 5,760-square-foot space is now listed at $9.6 million. [Cityfile, PDE] (Update: This item originally listed the owner as Andrea Soros Colombel, the philanthropist daughter of George Soros. A rep for Ms. Soros tells us she no longer owns the townhouse, having sold it to Plane Space several years ago.)
• The longtime home of Baroness Jacqueline de Gunzburg, who passed away in September, has hit the market. The five-bedroom apartment at 960 Park Avenue has an asking price of $10.95 million. [Cityfile, Stribling]
• Wanna live in the same building as Jamie Dimon? Furniture designer Vladimir Kagan and his wife Erica Wilson have put their 3,840-square-foot co-op at 1185 Park Avenue on the market for $8.75 million. [NYP, Corcoran]

Just because Raffaello Follieri is sitting in a prison cell doesn't mean his legal troubles are over. Yesterday five former employees told a judge that the fraudster cheated them out of $1 million in wages that were promised to them back when Follieri's firm was "working with" the Vatican on "real estate deals." Anne Hathaway's ex wasn't in the courtroom to respond to the allegations; he participated via video hookup from Pennsylvania's minimum-security Loretto Federal Prison Camp. The worst part: the former Prada aficionado had to wear a green prison uniform for his TV appearance. Sounds miserable, doesn't it? If you're beginning to feel sorry for Raffi—or you happen to have some extra time on your hands today—perhaps you'd be interested in cheering him up with a belated holiday card? Be our guest! Raffaello's contact info is below.

The documentary about Anna Wintour and Vogue, The September issue, which is showing at Sundance this weekend, sounds like it will be a nostalgic look at a golden era when advertisers had huge budgets, readers had disposable income, and print media still had a reasonably healthy pulse: Based on footage gathered during the months before the publication of the September '07 issue, Vogue's biggest-ever, the film goes behind the scenes at the fashion bible and exposes the creatives processes of its inner circle like Grace Coddington (who filmmaker R.J. Cutler said was "unhappy" about the presence of his cameras), as well as delves into Wintour's personal life.

John Catsimatidis is the billionaire owner of the Gristedes supermarket chain. He was also seriously considering a bid for mayor, at least when it looked like he wouldn't have to go head-to-head with Michael Bloomberg. Oh, how Catsimatidis's fortunes have changed since then. In September, a federal judge ruled that his company had violated federal and state laws by failing to pay overtime to hundreds of supermarket employees. Then Bloomberg successfully pushed for a change in term limit laws, which cleared the way for him to run for a third term and also foiled Catsimatidis' plan to be New York's second billionaire mayor. And now he suffered yet another embarrassing legal defeat.

It took close to a year, but John Leguizamo and his wife Justine have finally unloaded their four-bedroom apartment at 45 Gramercy Park North. The 11th-floor spread, which the couple purchased in 2004 and first listed in January 2008 for $5.85 million, was sold for $3.65 million to Samuel and Elizabeth White. Photos of the apartment and a floorplan after the jump!

There's a new Madoff-related scandal! It turns out that Bernie's wife, Ruth Madoff, who published a cookbook in 1996 with the unoriginal title The Great Chefs of America Cook Kosher: Over 175 Recipes From America's Greatest Restaurants, didn't actually write the book herself. She paid someone else to do it: "Mrs. Madoff was interested in having her name on something that would allow for some sort of fun." We're as stunned as you are, we're sure. [NYT]

It's been a rough few months for designer Rachel Roy what with her husband Damon Dash's money troubles, but today she really does have a reason to break open the Cristal. It's her 35th birthday. Others blowing out birthday candles today: Actor Chad Lowe is 41. David Zaslav, the CEO of Discovery Communications, is 49. Advertising bigshot Linda Kaplan Thaler is turning 58. And nutty British royal Princess Michael of Kent turns 64 today.

• JPMorgan Chase posted a 76% drop in profits in the fourth quarter, results that chief Jamie Dimon eloquently described as "very disappointing." [WSJ]
• Washington is close to finalizing a deal to give Bank of America billions in extra cash to help it "digest" the purchase of Merrill Lynch. [Reuters]
• What's Morgan Stanley doing with its bailout cash? It's buying an oil supertanker, which is what we'd do, too, if someone gave us $10 billion. [BN]
• An exec at Blackstone has been charged with insider trading. [CNN]
• Carl Icahn is suing fellow activist investor Warren Lichtenstein. [DB]
• The Dow dropped 248 points yesterday with Citigroup taking a particular beating, shedding 23 percent. But that doesn't mean Vikram Pandit isn't doing his best to keep morale up. [NYP, WSJ]

• Naomi Campbell has settled a lawsuit by a former maid who alleged the world's most temperamental supermodel threw her phone at her head after she failed to find a pair of misplaced jeans back in 2006. [NYDN]
• Casey Johnson and Courtenay Semel appear to have made up following their violent brawl. They're heading to Sundance together. [P6]
• Guy Ritchie spent time at Madonna's apartment on Tuesday. Not because they're reconciling, but because Madonna's daughter Lourdes insisted on it. [NYDN]
• George Soros has a new "friend," a model 50 years his junior named Kate Gibbs. This is what she looks like, just in case you're curious. [P6]
• Book agent and man-about-town Luke Janklow and his wife, Sweetiepie owner Julie Janklow, appear to be headed for divorce. [P6]

It wasn't a joke: Gwyneth Paltrow really is planning to open a gym with her personal trainer, Tracy Anderson, the same woman responsible for Madonna's freakishly muscular arms. Paltrow's publicist tells the Daily News that the gym will be located in Tribeca. But don't expect to see Gwynnie in person when it eventually opens: When she went on Oprah last fall with Anderson, she said her "favorite gym in the world" was the one located in her own home. [NYDN]

New York magazine has dropped columnist Kurt Andersen, reports FWD. Of course, this has absolutely nothing to do with the layoffs last month or the salary cuts reported earlier today, which the mag's publicity chief, Serena Torrey, tells FWD weren't really cuts: Staffers are actually going to make more money now, she says. Good, because Bruce Wasserstein can clearly afford it! [FWD]

• Valentino didn't lose money in a giant Ponzi scheme. He did, however, just lose $39 million to the government of Italy. [NYM]
• Neiman Marcus is laying off 375 staffers. [WWD]
• That giant Forever 21 in Times Square? It's actually going to be a Century 21. [Reuters]
• Disney and Sephora have lots in common. [NYT]
• Liz Claiborne is expected to report big losses for the fourth quarter. Isaac to the rescue! [WSJ]
• Alas, no bar is planned for Topshop. [Racked]
• Annie Leibovitz was spotted at the Hay-Adams in DC yesterday, suggesting Michelle Obama could be on the cover of March's Vogue. [Politico, via]

Have you been paying close attention to the people who have been named to key positions in Barack Obama's incoming administration? Here's one you might have missed: The man who Barack and Michelle tapped to give the White House a makeover. Meet Michael Smith, Newport Beach native and protégé of John Saladino, who describes his sensibility as "old-world European" meets "bright, light California." He also seems to be fond of bipartisanship. Previous clients include Steven Spielberg and Rupert Murdoch. [Domino]

Thousands of attorneys have lost their jobs as the economy has spiraled downward in recent months. One group who won't be unemployed in the near future (and probably won't be seeing their husbands and wives much either): The ones who have been retained to defend Bernie Madoff and the men who showered him with cash, people like Walter Noel, Ezra Merkin, and Bob Jaffe. This week, Noel's hedge fund, Fairfield Greenwich, was sued for a third time in as many weeks. The plaintiffs in the most recent suit include several anonymous offshore trusts and a Mexican businessman by the name of Carlos Gauch. But they've lined up a star attorney, David Boies of Boies, Schiller & Flexner, to make Noel's life miserable. Just in case you don't have anything better to do this evening, you can look over the most recent legal assault on Noel after the jump.

• Steve Hanson shocker! The restaurateur is closing down SoHo's Fiamma as well as Ruby Foo's on 77th Street, and the Blue Water Grill in Chicago. [Eater]
• Drew Nieporent, Danny Meyer, Alan Stillman, and Jennifer Oz LeRoy are all contenders to take over the Rainbow Room if the Ciprianis are evicted. [NYO]
• How to pay the least and get the most out of Restaurant Week. [NYP]
• Frank Bruni hands out one star apiece to West Branch and BarBao. [NYT]
• Famed Mexican food cart Calexico is opening a restaurant. [NBC4]
• Restaurant recommendations from... personal trainers? [Zagat]

Of the many ways Starbucks has had an impact on society—speeding neighborhood gentrification, making us go crazy, killing off independent coffee shops, helping launch the career of Naomi Klein—none is quite as annoying as the constant reminder that the price of a product or service is merely what you spend on lattes.