· Despite being led to believe that Megatron was the gay one, something about hearing the plea from the reassuring-yet-authoritative lips of Optimus Prime really made us reconsider our callous response to the singer's disastrous VMA performance:

Some measure of redemption for Britney Spears, whose disastrous VMAs performance was so universally derided that the one person on Earth willing to leap to her defense has become an international media superstar, may be just an uncomfortable, one-armed hug from Ryan Seacrest away. Us Weekly's website is reporting that Spears is "in negotiations" to put in an appearance at the Emmys on Sunday night, where she can apologize to millions of TV fans for her nationally televised attempted euthanasia of her enfeebled music career:

In a MySpaceTV! Exclusive!, Leave Britney Alone Guy (and yes, we know his name, he's only like the most famous person on the planet at the moment) offers to join his embattled hero in a suicide pact should she be driven to self-annhilation by the cruel words of insensitive bloggers. [MySpaceTV]

Chris Crocker—the weeping Britney fan whose YouTube performance has inspired homophobia even among the gays—is milking his recent notoriety for all that it's worth. While professing indifference to the possibility that his fame might fade ("at the end of the day I'm still going to have my luscious hair, and I'm still going to have a mirror to look into and that's all that matters. The public doesn't make this diva, I'm already made."), he's not exactly turning down any interviews either.

· Just for the proverbial shits n' giggles, here's another clip from Dr. Phil's Late Show appearance last night. Panties, or the lack thereof, are discussed.
· The LAT gets to know Hoboken Beach Diet Guy, with whom you're already probably pretty well acquainted by now.
· Leave Britney Alone Guy gets his Gallery of the Absurd moment. Also, his Howard Stern moment. And his ABC News moment.
· Ben Affleck's Gone Baby Gone might not become a huge hit in the UK.

As we all learned yesterday through two minutes and eleven seconds of the most affecting moving images ever transmitted over the YouTubes, even though it sometimes seems as if the entire world has turned on turned on VMA exploitation victim Britney Spears, there are still those willing to reach out to her as she tries to navigate this seemingly endless dark night of the erstwhile-pop-star soul. In the interest of connecting Spears with the generous, but anonymity-valuing, individuals offering to help her through these difficult times, we pass along this note from a Craiglister:

There is perhaps no one better qualified to hold forth on the Britney Spears VMA debacle than American Idol trainwreck evaluator Simon Cowell, who noted that while bigger shorts and a python might have helped her performance, "she stole the show whether you liked it or not." Unlike Dr. Phil, however, he refrained from commenting on his weariness of Spears' genitalia. [Extra]

Entertainment Weekly listens to a few tracks from Britney Spears' forthcoming album. "'Piece of Me' kicks off with her standard breathy-sexy growl over a thumping hook: 'I'm Mrs. American dream/ Since I was 17.' Then things get darker: 'I'm Mrs. Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous/I'm Mrs. "Oh my God, that Britney's shameless"/ I'm Mrs. "Extra, extra, this just in" / I'm Mrs. "She's too fat, now she's too thin."'" The album also reportedly includes a "Jackson 5-style number" called "Stop, The Head You Shave May Be Your Own." [EW]

Everyone's favorite weeping Britney fan YouTube guy is on the phone with Howard Stern right now. He's talking about why he doesn't like Perez Hilton—he and Perez are no longer speaking over Britney. He thinks Britney is "the best singer"—better even than Courtney Love. And: "Who can think of 9/11 at a time like this? Britney, she is a national treasure." Also he is discussing why he likes anal sex. Apparently he is a top, in the gay parlance. He says he'll be on CNN and The View today. Busy!

• LOL du jour: Britney's ratty VMA hair extensions were from Jessica Simpson and Ken Paves' product line. [TMZ]
  

What if the auteur behind the "LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE" video had his own scent? The ads for it might be like this. By the way, here's a profile of Chris Crocker, who is that the overly-emotional Britney fan that's going to be the most-watched thing on YouTube today. [Via Cheek Beauty]

• LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE! [YouTube]

Okay, there. We've posted it. It's clearly the video of the day. So now will you stop emailing and IMing us about it? Thanks!

Some deal with a professional setback or public embarrassment by retreating within themselves. Some turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain. Some find the strength within to accept that, while things might not have gone their way this time, if they carry themselves with dignity and put their best foot forward, success in future endeavors will be the inevitable result. And then some just break out the old vag. Guess which one Britney Spears went with? [Egotastic]

Flushed out of hiding by Sarah Silverman's unkind remarks about its attractiveness, Britney Spears' vagina put in a public post-VMAs appearance. Seriously, don't click through, you already know what you're going to see, and you're just going to feel filthy afterwards. [Egotastic]

Hoping to solve the mystery of how Britney Spears, a seasoned performer with many memorable faux-lesbian and python-related VMAs performances to her credit, came to prance across that Las Vegas stage as listlessly a past-her-prime, breakfast-shift stripper who'd just been shot in a fishnetted haunch with an elephant-grade tranquilizer dart, Page Six today consults a spy who claims to have the behind-the-scenes information about the much-discussed debacle. Spears' rehearsal session, it seems, was hampered by lateness, the tragic overriding of a wardrobe professional's costume choice, and, unsurprisingly, the refusal to perform any choreography that might result in the spillage of her precious pre-show cocktail:

Britney Spears' performance at Sunday's MTV Video Music Awards show remains the nation's only important topic of conversation. The poor thing was exploited by MTV, says Kanye West, who certainly has no axe to grind with the network even though they haven't given him one of those idiot moonman statuettes for two years. While her performance has been compared to a variety of both natural and man-made disasters, including "a catatonic reenactment of an Ambien overdose," a "partial-birth abortion as performance art," and "The Holocaust," the singer still has some defenders.

Sensing that Hollywood Blvd.'s legendary pop-culture-dissecting minds might have something to say about Britney Spears' disastrous VMA performance, Defamer videographer Molly McAleer grabbed her trusty camcorder and headed for the talking-head paradise that is the sidewalk outside of the Kodak Theatre, where a talkative cross-section of fans from around the world were more than happy to offer their reviews. For those who find the assessments of the Walk of Fame opinion-havers unfairly negative, we direct you to ABCNews.com's penetrating piece analyzing What Went Wrong, which found at least one anonymous truth-teller willing to defy the anti-Britney thought police: