According to reports in everyone's favorite trusted supermarket tabloid, Britney Spears is allegedly deep in planning mode for Comeback #487. Sources tell the National Enquirer that Spears is shelling out up to $10 million on what sounds like a very tasteful, classy-by-way-of-Louisiana string of song-and-dance shows at The Palms, one of K. Fed's favorite places to sink into debt play the big baller. Where Spears is coming up with all this cash, considering most of her dough is currently going towards her father's daily rate for babysitting, is still a mystery. But based on the description of her latest plan to "jump-start her career," we're not so sure these shows will do much aside from force us to remember Britney Spears Comebacks number 1 through 486:

• OMG smoking gun: Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are hugging and holding hands and putting their faces close together and everything! It's nearly almost practically lesbian kissing, and thus proof that they are girlfriends in that way. [Egotastic] (Photo via Egotastic)

The latest celebrity said to be jumping on the nudie pregnant pictures bandwagon is Nicole Kidman, who was seen yesterday attending a "top secret" modeling session for a potential cover shoot with Frenchy photographer extraordinaire Patrick Demarchelier. While he's no Annie Leibovitz, and it's unknown which magazine this shoot was for, Demarchelier is a monthly contributor for Allure, Vogue, and Demi Moore's old knocked-up-while-nude stomping grounds, Vanity Fair. So whether or not Nicole is looking to appear on an upcoming cover of VF as Demi's successor is still unknown, but we took a look back at some classic big-bellied celebrity appearances in the past to see some glossy examples of what Kidman will be competing with in the Nude And Pregnant Hall of Fame:

• While girlfriend Jennifer Aniston has been acting like a goody two-shoes, John Mayer has been a total party boy, drinking it up all night at a bar in New York. But he's also been totally domestic and whipped in Las Vegas, where the singer dodged groupies right and left to go to bed early. Since Aniston is really into mixed signals, the actress decided Mayer is "the one." None of this is going unimpregnate Angelina Jolie, Jennifer.

Jennifer Aniston did it first, quickly followed by Blake Lively. Now Britney Spears has pulled out this spring’s most reliable accessory to nab a boy toy: the bikini. While sobering up at Casa Gibson down in Costa Rica, Spears spent the weekend looking happier than she has in months in two very itty bitty string bikinis adorned with tattoo parlor jargon. And in between bouts of boogie-boarding, golf cart-riding and rounds of Hide-and-Seek played amidst driftwood, Spears appeared to have successfully lined up a male suitor of her own. Who the mystery man might be, and a closer look at Spears' ongoing tendency to block her possibly-knocked up belly from sight, after the jump.

Despite looking slightly, vaguely puffy in some recent photos, Britney Spears is not expecting a third kid. "U.S. pop singer Britney Spears says she is not pregnant for a third time despite recent photographs showing her with a bloated stomach. The 'Toxic' singer says a new medication she is taking was responsible for her recent weight gain and not a third pregnancy, the Daily Mail reported Saturday. 'I am not pregnant — it is just my medication that makes me bloated,' Spears said of recent pregnancy rumors. A source close to the 'Baby One More Time' star told the British newspaper Spears has struggled with her weight since the birth of her 20-month-old son Jayden James. Meanwhile, a friend of Spears said she is spending some time with actor Mel Gibson and his wife in Central America to help her gain some perspective in her life."

Slowly healing pop tart Britney Spears is reportedly vacationing at Mel Gibson's ranch in Costa Rica. (Ew! He's old!) Anyhoo, this is what she looks like in a bikini lately. I wanna go to the beach too! Waaah!

Back in March, we heard Malibu’s own Ken and Barbie, Mel Gibson and Britney Spears, were aligning their forces of stupidity for the greater good. But it was tough to figure out whether or not they were on a date or set to co-produce a new film starring each and every one of their split personalities. But thanks to recent reports, it sounds as though the partnership was neither love- or business-bound. They’re just two confused drunks trying to stay clean together! Master of sobriety Mel recently flew both Britney and her owner, father Jamie Spears, down for a vacation at his Costa Rican clam shack for some R&R. But why now? And more importantly, why does Britney keep hiding her newly rotund tummy from the paparazzi?

• An LA band called Lustra called out Miley Cyrus by name for a song that sounds way, way too much like one of their songs. But it turns out Cyrus doesn't write any of her own songs, so now the band kind of looks like a bunch of assholes. [P6]

Most sex tape rumors involving Britney Spears are either too good to be true (Colin Farrell!) or too gross to convince us to want to see them at all (K. Fed). But the latest story from the tabloids is filled with details so plausible (especially considering the then-manic Package's mental state) that we're not so sure it's just another fairy tale. As the National Enquirer is reporting (again, don't judge a supermarket tab's creds by its cheap cover):

• This gold bust of Oprah features two dogs above her head, begins showing next week at a gallery and is intended to highlight "the overlooked threat of accidental pet fatality by common household products." [Oh No They Didn't] (Photo from Caplakesting.com via OhNoTheyDidn't)

It took them long enough, but People has finally seized the magical capabilities of the world wide web and uploaded each and every cover in its almost 45-year history online. And while we hand-picked a few of our favorites, from a very Dirk Diggler-looking John Travolta in 1983 to the sad black and white sight of Jennifer Aniston’s misty eyes looking up as Brad Pitt placed the wedding ring on her finger in 2000, we also featured a few after the jump that are slightly more disturbing. "Judge Judy Disrobed," and Brooke Shields doing her whole kiddie porn thing back in the 70s, for example. Plus, a very special throwback to a time when the world wondered whether Britney was looking “too sexy too soon” ... way back in 2000!

The popular celebrities of the day influence baby names, because we worship them! As you can see from this graphicle, the popularity of "Britney" as a baby name (gleaned from the Social Security database, which is searchable), has plummeted. What mom in their right mind would want to mark their child from birth with a reminder of a mentally unstable child star turned Lolita Pepsi-selling shill turned Blanche DuBois? "Britney" was at #200 in baby names in 1993, and its decline in popularity mirrors the pop star's own, beginning its descent to #600 around 2001. Yep, sounds about right.

• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are supposedly in the market for another screamless Scientology birth. [E!]

Casual nudity enthusiast Sienna Miller became an official card-carrying member of that elite group of celebrities who unleash their hate of paparazzi by way of physical assault. As the Daily Mail reports, Miller swung her pricey purse at one pap's face yesterday at LAX, possibly because he was a resident of Pittsburgh, or maybe she simply mistook him for Jude Law (as the pictures show, there is a resemblance to the nanny-loving baldie). But Sienna's moment of outrage prompted us to recall our all-time favorite When Celebrities Attack moments in time, from Woody Harrelson's caught-on-tape choke-hold to Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz's romantically executed freakout years ago. Our five top picks after the jump:

Madonna can pretty much do whatever she wants at this point and the world will shrug its shoulders, whether she's assaulting Justin Timberlake with needles or spreading her soon-to-be-50-year old legs on album covers. But the vocally-challenged icon has taken her recent trip down memory lane as a pansexual nympho to new heights by inviting a female fan on stage during her concert last night and pulling a repeat performance of Madonna And Britney Spit Swap. Why? As she put it, "Why do I have this relationship with France? I'm always drawn to working with French people - and frenching French people...Vive la France!" A closer look at the kiss step by step, plus suddenly gorgeous daughter Lourdes' reaction, after the jump.

• Britney Spears managed to stay out of the mental hospital for, like, three whole months, so a court commissioner was "extremely impressed." The singer now gets more time — possibly three days per week — with her kids. No one seems to know how much time she had with them before. But she can maybe have the children over for sleepovers in a month, depending, probably, on how her next TV cameo goes. The system works!

Will Nicole Richie (shocker!) ultimately wind up just like that other tabloid favorite who got knocked up a wee early and eventually morphed into a ripped pantyhose-wearing, bathtub-hopping gurney-strapped party girl? As MSNBC reports, Richie is finding herself torn between the So! Wonderful! life of motherhood and domestic bliss all those parenting magazines assure us is pure happiness, and her former profession as a full-time mischief causer:

Baby showers tend to be happy, innocuous gatherings dabbled with smiley supportive friends, gushing family members and the occasional guest who clearly doesn't want to be there. But when Juno Lynn Spears throws a big ol' baby party down in sweet home Louisiana, party guests also include armed guards and security detail. Why? Well, big sis Britney came to town, bringing her best pair of booty shorts and that memorable messy blonde bun from her barefoot bathroom escapade days along. The rest of the guest list, including which family member was noticeably missing, after the jump.

We have to give Britney Spears some credit: even after all the gurney rides, mental ward stays and umbrella attacks, she's still capable of inspiring her fellow Bimbo Summit alumni to follow in her bare footsteps. According to TV Guide, Lindsay Lohan is "in advanced discussions" to become the latest stunt cast victim guest star on the May 22nd finale of ABC's runaway hit Ugly Betty. And in a nostalgic nod to the good old days when she played an outcast in Mean Girls, she's reported to play a fast-food worker who Betty befriends. The only bad news? Lohan will be forced to share the guest star spotlight with the all-time queen of anger management-be-damned divadom.