Next time you see a paparazzo camped out on the sidewalk outside of Hyde, won't you toss him a nickel? Times are tough all over, and the recession that swallowed America is now threatening to put Hollywood's most aggressive celebrity photographers out of business — only, the blame for this financial crunch falls squarely on a newly sane (and thus unphotographable) Britney Spears. Says the L.A. Times:
A few months ago, at the height of her prolonged meltdown, Britney Spears alone used to account for 20% of L.A.'s paparazzi business, providing ample opportunities for photos like this one. Now, says the L.A. Times, she's cleaning up, behaving herself—and ruining the living of the city's hardworking thuggish paps:
Ah, the buzz cut: that sometimes-risky, sometimes-successful ‘do usually sported by male celebrities when it's required for a role in a military/secret agent/futuristic film or because they need a quick way to change their public image. But no matter what their reasons are for taking the razor to the scalp, the look has roughly a 50/50 chance of working. Two of the most recent stars to shave it all off are Jennifer Aniston arm candy John Mayer and new member of the Movie Press-Generating Lawbreakers’ Club Josh Brolin, and while Mayer irritatingly manages to pull the look off despite his big head ego, Brolin’s close cut reveals a bit too much skin. Which immediately made us reminisce on buzz cuts of the past, both the bad (Hey, Jude), the good (pre-Scientology Tommy C.), and the very ugly (Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearers):
Madonna broke into the public consciousness not because of her vocal talents, but because of her catchy tunes, dance fever, and suggestively nymphomaniac tendencies. But now, the nearly-50-year old has finally morphed into the modern day Britney Spears: she's forcing unwilling male stars to pull down their pants, she's making headlines mainly due to a messy divorce, rumored affairs and plastic surgery rumors. Just as the British tabs begin to accuse the failed director/actress of going under a very sharp knife, it seems as though the exercise addict has used her seduction technique of shooting B-12 shots into hunky acquaintances’ butts. But this time around, unlike the soaring success story that was Justin Timberlake’s energizing vitamin-equipped ass, her second attempt on quasi-ex-husband Guy Ritchie’s newest leading man, Gerard Butler, left the poor man’s Clive Owen “severely ill.” Butler’s tale of Madge’s terrorist attack on his “little bum,” plus the allegations being made about how the extremes the Yankee doodler’s “grueling” beauty regime have affected her oddly sharp cheekbones and “popping veins,” after the jump.Cameron Diaz' ex and 3000 star Gerard Butler (we keep trying to forget that we first noticed him in Phantom Of The Opera even though every time we see his now-rugged face we can't help picturing him over-earnestly busting out "Music Of The Night") is fortunate enough to be starring in Ritchie's upcoming Rocknrolla, which means he was unfortunate enough to run into Madge at some point during filming. And as we learned months ago, the Ritchie groupie is always equipped with a baggie filled with needles filled to the brim with Lindsay Lohan's favorite "asthma attack" cure, Vitamin B-12. But according to Butler, the normally healthy kick to the ass advertised extensively be Madonna's most fickle supporter/critic Justin Timberlake, "the injection failed to boost Butler's immune system - and left him feeling worse than before." Even more embarrassing for Madge, Butler describes her as "the nurse" on set. Meaning she's gone from platinum singer to failed director to failed on-set medical assistant. Frankly we don't blame her if she did get some "filler in her cheeks," as a Daily Mail plastic surgery believes. A little nip and tuck, which, in Madonna's case, doesn't look as horrific as the tab makes it out to be, can go a long way in boosting one's self-esteem. Just look at Bat Face victim Nicole Kidman — it's almost like she never looks unhappy, even when she's so bored by her husband's music that she nods out for a while! [Photo credits: Splash]
With two days of dog-hair-flinging and abortion confessionals throwing The View set into chaos, the impish presence of noted slingback sprite Neil Patrick Harris came as a welcome relief. Of course, the panel went straight in for the Britney kill: Harris was open about the experience of hosting the troubled singer's two-episode guest arc on How I Met Your Mother, noting that she was "out of her element," but that it was "cool" and that "she's looking better now." Still, burned before, he acknowledged that anything he said would likely be twisted beyond recognition by a scandal-hungry celebrity media machine. He then insinuated, with nothing more than a cocked eyebrow and sidelong glance to Whoopi Goldberg, that Britney propositioned the five series regulars with a celebratory wrap orgy.
Eight bottles of perfume/cologne and the eight celebrities to blame for unleashing them on the naive public: Recognize the hands or the shapes of the bottles? The answer key after the jump.
Whenever a long-standing couple like Sarah Silverman and Jimmy Kimmel hit the skids, we feel the need to play Emma and set the lovelorn kids up with someone new ASAP. And since we were the ones who debunked the news that Jimmy had already rebounded with one of his writers, we feel like we should continue our tradition of suggesting a few paramours for the pair of funny people. See our suggestions after the jump.
Click to viewIt's shaping up as a cruel summer for drunk, high or otherwise messed up celebrities trying to stay on the straight and narrow. Comedian Andy Dick was arrested this week for groping a 17-year-old's breasts while in possession of marijuana and Valium, in something of a reprise of his bust last year for doing blow in a nightclub. Actress and teen rehab veteran Drew Barrymore is now reported to have boozed her way to a breakup with actor Justin Long. Heather Locklear fled "depression and anxiety" rehab in Arizona after barely two weeks. Even a Rolling Stone, Ronnie Wood, surrendered himself to rehab again after leaving his wife for a 19-year-old cocktail waitress — and two bottles of vodka per day. Maybe all that summer daylight is pushing everyone over the edge! In any case, it's tough to keep track of who's where on the customary arc of high-profile substance abuse: embarrassment, criminality, rock-bottom desperation, rehabilitation and then either another trip around the circle or a break into the freedom of sobriety. That's why we've compiled a guide to once and future inebriated celebrities: 20 actors, singers, models and socialites who hog way more than their fair share of space in the gossip pages — and here on Gawker. We'll update and expand this list over time as a sort of encyclopedia of shame; your comments and tips are encouraged. (The arrows, by the way, indicate trends in drunkenness, so an upward arrow means getting drunker, downward means getting more sober.)
Ah, the sweet smell of desperation. Unlike the smell of success, it tends to accompany fallen pop stars, singers who’ve failed to “make it” in the showbiz, and more than a few ladies with a laundry list of divorces and annulments under their garter belts. Currently reeking of it are Madonna and Britney Spears who, as we noted yesterday, are planning a musical (well, under their definition of “musical”) collaboration that promises to top any and all racy stunts either has pulled in their respective never-a-dull-moment careers. And now Us reports that, beyond bondage scenes and nudity nobody wants to see anymore, Britney has filmed a video clip for the performance that sounds like Attack Of The Killer Umbrella-Bearing Baldie 2: This Time, With Hair! Yes, we’ll soon see an enormous Spears at her “screaming,” “kicking,” “anxious” best, giving a whole new meaning to elevator music:
With her name being dragged through Yankee Stadium's muddy infield, Madonna and family are doing their best to focus on work—husband Guy Ritchie hunched over Final Draft putting the finishing "Oi Oi"s on his lad-flick take on Sherlock Holmes, and she, jodhpurs-deep in rehearsals for her upcoming Sticky & Sweet Tour. (Not to be confused with Flavor Flav's Crispity & Crackily Tour.) But how, really, to top the mirror-tiled disco-crucifixion sequence from her last tour? By blowing herself up to several stories high and getting slutty with her most famous stunt-lesbian co-star, Britney Spears. From The Sun:
Publishing insiders are all a-twitter about Lynne Spears's memoir about her troubled pop-star daughter Britney. CEO Michael Hyatt, of Christian publisher Thomas Nelson, microblogs: "I'm reading through the second draft of the Lynne Spears manuscript tonight. I am hoping to be able to approve it tomorrow. It's totally compelling." A few minutes later: " I can't put it down—and I'm not even the market!" One hour later: "Wow. People are going to be surprised. The media have it so wrong." Teach us, Lynne. [Michael Hyatt's Twitter]
