• Matt Damon's wife Luciana gave birth to the couple's second child together yesterday, a girl named Gia Zavala Damon. [NYDN]

• Britney Spears thinks a 1,200-calorie-per-day diet has left her "the healthiest I've been in years." The grueling workouts helped too. Sounds healthy! [OK!]

• Amanda Beard denies she's dating Michael Phelps because that would be "nasty." Michael, however, isn't commenting on whether or not he's dating Lily Donaldson, or anyone else. [NYP]

• Lindsay Lohan is either converting to Judaism for Samantha Ronson, Ivanka Trump style, or about to leave her for a man.

Now that Britney's sister Jamie Lynn Spears has just "had the damn Caesarian already," you might think the 17-year-old would be free to raise her new baby in relative peace. Sadly, the newest issue of InTouch arrives bearing the gift of postpartum depression; the magazine has alleged that babydaddy Casey Aldridge has been cheating on Jamie Lynn with an older woman, 28-year-old Kelli Dawson. They even have proof: incriminating pictures of the two touching tongues as though they were eight-year-olds who wanted to try out the exotic concept known as "french kissing." Says the mag:

After a brief, fruitful detour into Crazytown, pop starlet Britney Spears appeared to be on the mend: first there was the How I Met Your Mother cameo, then a sanity-spurred decline in baiting the paparazzi, then even a self-mocking MTV promo taped with Russell Brand! Things seemed to be going so well that we hardly batted an eye when OK! announced that Spears would be granting them her first interview in two years (after memorably storming out of her last encounter with the magazine). Then we saw the pictures. And the bag of Cheetos.Britney, Britney, Britney. Shouldn't you know by now that you've become so associated with a white-trash, Cheetos-chomping image that the last thing you should do is give the snack food priority placement during your comeback photoshoot? At least Spears evinced a semblance of self-awareness when she vetoed the idea that her children might follow her into the entertainment industry. Says OK!:

• John Mayer dumped Jennifer Aniston after the actress pushed him for "a timetable" and to promise not to tour so much when they eventually make babies together. (Sounds clingy.) There was a trial split first. Aniston was said "furious" initially but now is pretending that she's "already dating someone else in LA."

• Jay-Z is in talks to sell a stake in his 40/40 club to the owners of Las Vegas' Venetian and Palazzo hotels for $44 million. The deal would also allow the club to expand to Europe, a continent clamoring for overpriced Cristal. [Page Six]

Feast your eyes now upon those buzzy promo spots for the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards—featuring host Russell "Big in England" Brand, 2007 VMAs catastrophe Britney Spears, and a giant elephant in the room (not white, but you get it). 10 first impressions:1. Britney looks good. 2. Britney isn't chewing gum. 3. Britney is relaxed. 4. Britney doesn't appear to be pregnant. 5. Britney is good at covering up signs of fear and/or repulsion. 6. We're amazed she didn't say, "What's a surname?" 7. That hairstyle is atrocious. (You decide which.) 8. We believe she truly has no idea who Brown/Brand is. 9. She notices a passing resemblance to K-Fed at the :39 mark. 10. The elephant appears to be fantasizing about scraping saucy-British-comic out of his toes. Feel free to add your own in the comments.

• Guests at a Bridgehampton benefit thrown by Gwyneth Paltrow were upset they couldn't mingle with their A-list host on Saturday night, since she was sequestered inside the house and off-limits to partygoers. But the real reason she wasn't mingling with the crowd may have been because she ditched the party early to attend Mariah Carey's wedding bash at LA Reid's house. [R&M, Page Six, Fox411]

• Britney Spears gave her first sit-down interview in two years to OK!, which will publish its piece Friday. The singer also made some fairly charming promos for the MTV Video Music Awards with show host Russell Brand, the British comedian.

Though they've already missed the perfect Mother's Day window, publisher Thomas Nelson, Inc. has just released new information on a parenting guide/cautionary tale penned by Britney and Jamie Lynn materfamilias Lynne Spears and set for release next month. Dubbed Through the Storm, the book will no doubt prove instructive to any stage mother willing to milk her daughters for all they're worth, subsequently ignoring them when their pregnancies/mental breakdowns interfere with a novelty T-shirt sale at Kitson (free out-of-season Uggs with any purchase!). Says Star Magazine:

Scene of the Crime: Though Britney Spears probably won't be reprising her woozy, indifferent performance of "Gimme More" at this year's edition of the VMAs, MTV was able to convince the newly (and unprofitably) sane starlet to record a promo poking fun at the 2007 trainwreck. Improvising her way through the ad with VMAs host Russell Brand, the two bantered on without ever mentioning the elephant in the room — in this case, an actual, 9000-pound elephant grazing behind the stars. The scene soon turned ugly when Brit-Brit wrapped the shoot by offering the tempestuous animal some Cheetos and chicken fingers; five PAs and a Real World alum working the catering table were trampled in the ensuing rampage. [Access Hollywood]

The Olympics are the most popular entertainment spectacle in the world. Or are they? Pictured above is a Google Trends report comparing web activity for "Olympics" to that of "Super Bowl." As you can see, outside of very short spikes coinciding with the actual games, the Super Bowl is the more consistently popular item. And that's just an American thing! How do the Olympics stack up against several other, more universal, pursuits? Three comparisons below give you all the perspective you need:

Another day, another windfall of remakes, updates and adaptations requiring attention on our End of Ideas scorecard. It could be worse, we suppose, than Natalie Portman allegedly signing on for a graphic horror re-do, or yet another movie-to-TV serialization that could possibly make Dennis Hopper's own new show a folly in comparison. Even staffers at the LA Times are getting in on the recycling act today. It's never been hotter! But we're not here to cast aspersions, we're just here to handicap. As such, read on for your irregularly occurring guide to the latest in retreads — and their varying chances for winning us over.THE TITLE: Suspiria THE ORIGINAL: Dario Argento's 1977 giallo classic planted nubile Jessica Harper in the middle of a ballet academy-cum-witch's coven. Vivid, over-the-top bloodshed ensues. THE REMAKE: Having long expressed interest in a remake, David Gordon Green is reportedly set to follow Pineapple Express with Suspiria — featuring Natalie Portman as his lead. She would produce as well. APPEAL: Strong. Face it — for all its inspired demises and influence, Argento's original doesn't age well. It's saturated from eye to ear with genre cheese that could benefit from a modern reimagining with real cinematography (by Green's brilliant regular lenser Tim Orr, we presume) and a less-manufactured sense of peril. Only downside: Can it compete with the horror of Portman's real-life love interest? THE TITLE: The Conversation THE ORIGINAL: Between the first two Godfather films, Francis Ford Coppola knocked out this extraordinary drama about a surveillance expert (Gene Hackman) paranoiacally ensnared in a murder plot. THE REMAKE: Oscar-winning Usual Suspects screenwriter Christopher McQuarrie is on board an AMC TV series with producer Tom Krantz, who has been trying to develop the show for a decade. APPEAL: Zero. Krantz tells Variety that "[t]he issues of privacy and individuality, and issues of spying and listening, are as relevant now as they've ever been. This is the perfect vehicle to tell those stories." Exactly — which is why you broadcast the timeless original on AMC as opposed to embarrass yourself attempting to keep up. Coppola is behind it, though; there's only so much wine he can sell, evidently, to subsidize his nonsense. THE TITLE: Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! THE ORIGINAL: Russ Meyer's 1965 saga set the enduring standard for busty-stripper murder rampages. THE REMAKE: Quentin Tarantino, who already did sex-kitten speed-demonry in Death Proof, wants you to pay for a variation on himself and Meyer. Starring Britney Spears. Sigh. APPEAL:: Sigh. It's a little easier to swallow once you remember how well the guy's always done without ever conceiving an original idea. But is this really news, or is he just hedging lest Inglorious Bastards' hype proves unsustainable? After all, the Spears/Mendes/Kardashian rumor mill has been churning since January. This whole mess screams, "Just in case." That said, we've heard worse. (See The Conversation) THE TITLE: "French thriller Tell No One a word-of-mouth hit" THE ORIGINAL: An Aug. 1 enterprise story by Steven Zeitchik of The Hollywood Reporter, spotlighting what has become the art-house sleeper hit of summer. THE REMAKE: An Aug. 7 enterprise story by John Horn of the LA Times, spotlighting what has become the art-house sleeper hit of summer. APPEAL:: Flatlining. Happy as we are to see Tell No One's out-of-the-blue indie traction, Horn's second head-slapper in as many days has us fearing he may need more direct supervision at the Times. At least yesterday's baseless piece "Wednesday is the new Friday in movie releases" was an original. Try harder, John — your paper needs you.

Putting together a celebrity slideshow isn't for the faint of heart: just ask our own Molly McAleer, whose titanic work in the pursuit of compilations could kill a lesser man (and has — don't ask us about that intern in '06). So how do you survive filling out an eleven-page slideshow when your subject is that most rarest of species: celebrity virgins? Well, if you're an employee at Us Weekly, you cheat a little, padding your list with both non-virgins and non-celebrities alike! Hard-nosed investigative analysis after the jump:

How much of a silly old ass do you have to be to get me to side with the terrible, slithering Hilton Clan? About the size of John McCain, I'd wager. The war-loving Republican nominee's ad comparing Senator Barack Obama to Paris Hilton and Britney Spears (watch it here) has gotten Paris' mom Kathy Hilton to write a terse response today. Well, she likely had someone else write it, but still.

• Courtenay Semel, lesbian daughter of Yahoo's CEO was dating heiress Casey Johnson until a drunken hookup with Tila Tequila at some party. Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson totally giggled. [P6]

Good news for the beleaguered Hollywood paparazzi: LAPD Chief William Bratton opposes a new proposal to place restrictions on particularly aggressive photographers. In fact, he took time out of his daily workout to tell KNBC that the problem lies not with the paparazzi but with the bad girls they photograph — a salient point made amusing by Bratton's brusque verbiage and up-to-the-minute starlet savvy (preserved on video after the jump):

A clearly flailing John McCain has just released his new Obama attack ad and boy, is it a doozy! Employing a risky "Obama is awesome...but is he too awesome?" strategy that seems designed to fail, McCain calls Obama "the biggest celebrity in the world" (because if there's one thing America hates, it's celebrities) and plays footage of Obama's massive rallies and beatific smile that could have come from an Obama b-roll itself. The only signs that something is amiss are the split-second shots of Britney and Paris spliced into the ad — inclusions that have baffled the reps for both washed-up celebutantes. Says the Huffington Post: