[Weathered pop singer Britney Spears celebrating her three 'Moon Men' win at last night's MTV Video Music Awards; image via Splash] 2CK's new line beats the original, Last Laugh Caught On Film.

• Britney Spears is supposedly furious with her mother over her upcoming tell-all, which accuses the pop star's former manager of grinding up pills and sneaking them into her meals. She should be in a better mood, however, after she reads all the positive reviews from her appearance on the VMAs last night, where she kicked off the show and later won three awards. [P6, NYP]

Greetings, Defamer readers! We have something special in store for you today, as the MTV Video Music Awards—the most prestigious of all awards shows celebrating achievement in a medium that peaked when fax machines still seemed cutting-edge—are coming to you from the heart of Hollywood, at Paramount Studios. A plate of Mexican food was all it took to get a homeless man to let us use his body as a human stepladder and hop the gate, giving Defamer editor Seth Abramovitch and associate editor Kyle Buchanan access to the Russell Brandiest musical extravaganza this side of Western Ave! We're not sure what to expect today, or whether any of this might be of interest to you, but for what it's worth, we're already having a ball. We followed a small mob of Christina Aguilera's accountants/background dancers into the actual soundstage, and have been watching the dress rehearsal. So much drama! Miley Cyrus has no power in her dressing room! Her hair people are flipping out! And Lil' Wayne is trapped in a bus at the gate! While we now see how long it takes for it to get back to security that we're actually inside, we'll leave you with the first of what is sure to be many exciting exclusives: An interview with Brand's troubled VMA promo spots co-star. Not Britney, but Tai the Elephant. Our exclusive interview (must credit Defamer) is after the jump, along with the rest of the live blog. What are you waiting for? Check it out!8:12 Kanye closed it out, backed by The Mysterious Drumming Monks of Burbank. Man, what a night. We're going home to celebrate our technical virginity. We dedicate it to Britney Spears! Good night, everyone! See you tomorrow. 8:07 A third trophy for Britney, the Original Purity Ring-Wearing, Intact-Hymen-Flouting Pop Queen! She's now being whisked off in a golf cart with the host to do lines with Tai the Elephant in the V.I.E. section. (Watch out for that Tai—she's a real hoover.) 8:06 Kobes presents VIDEO OF THE YEAR. This is the first time we've actually paid attention to any of the nominees, and you know what? These videos suck. 7:55 There really is a sad irony in having Russell Brand—the most gleefully filthy-minded comic to come along in some time—host the most Jesusy, virginy, Purity Ringy-y VMAs like, ever. We're sure this says Something About America, but we'll wait until Levi Johnston (who's so hardcore—he tattooed his Purity Ring on, bitches) comes on as a surprise presenter to close the show. The tweens will go wild! 7:49 So much for the 2008 MTV Britney Meltdown Awards! She just picked up BEST POP VIDEO, forcing her back on stage for more ratings-friendly face-time. This is the most spectacularly uneventful Triumphant Comeback in history. We're crying glitter. 7:47 There is palpable, seething hatred for Paris Hilton in the room right now. 7:40 "Tokio Hotel [ˈtoːkio hoˈtɛl] is a German band founded in Magdeburg, Germany in 2001 by guitarist Tom Kaulitz, singer Bill Kaulitz, drummer Gustav Schäfer, and bassist Georg Listing." Ah—thanks, Wikipedia. 7:38 Yikes, Russell Brand is losing his voice. The audience, he lost about an hour-and-a-half ago. We really do like Brand, though, so we guide you back now to his legitimately funny interview with us from a few weeks back. It's almost over, Russell. 7:35 It's the Christina Aguilera accountants/background dancers again! Hi, guys! Remember us? From before? When we snuck in behind you into the dress rehearsal? No? OK, nevermind. By the way, we were just told the Fire Marshall shut down the ENTIRE SOUND STAGE. Mark Burnett was pleading with them for 20 minutes trying to get back inside. Seriously, we've never seen chaos like what we witnessed on our way inside here. 7:33 Zac Efron just threw his Purity Ring into the audience. A hysterical teen instantly jumped on it, then ran out of the studio, screaming, "I finally have a legitimate reason to pierce my labia!" 7:29 Rhianna just performed her new duet with T.I. This single doesn't rape Soft Cell, it rapes...the viral video kid who sings the "Numa Numa" song? 7:22 Jordin Sparks just threw down for Purity Ring wearers throughout the world. Or rather, in America. Stupid shit like Purity Rings could only exist here. 7:21 BEST HIP HOP VIDEO winner Lil Wayne just thanked three things: "Family, God, and Y'all," at which point the man wearing a yarmulke next to us clapped enthusiastically, wooed, and shouted back, "Tha's right! We here!" For what it's worth. 7:19 Ah, Slipknot. That's a little more like it—we remember feeling too old for this shit watching them take the stage back in the late '90s. Glad to see they're still committed to the mask shtick. We knew that would come back in style eventually! And we believe we've just been McLovin'd. 7:11 Pink's pleather leotard (pleathertard? No, that's Pam Anderson) has all the Gays in blog row moist in the panties. Oh, and a straight photographer from Reuters—for what's it's worth, Pinks. 7:07 Miley Cyrus was just caught getting busy with the bassist from Rock Band. For heaven's sake—he's not even in a real band, Miley. He's a video game bassist. Can't you ever show some self-restraint? 7:04 Ah yes, Slash and Shia LaBeouf, side by side, where they truly belong. We think this makes Shia's first public appearance since..the incident...and all we want is to see his pinkie. There it is! We love you and we're here for you, Shia's Pinkie. Oh, and Linkin Park won BEST ROCK VIDEO. 6:59 Commercial-time topic for discussion: Notice how the 25th Annual VMAs seem incredibly reluctant to admit to their own age? Face it, MTV: You old. 6:55 Live! From the Whiskey A Go Go! It's Paramore! Ha ha! Tricked you! They're right here, on a set cleverly designed to look like the Whiskey A Go Go. Also—forgive our old-fartiness, but who's Paramore? 6:53 We're not sure if Russell Brand is talking too quickly for us, or too esoterically, but some brain just dribbled out of our left nostril and onto our laptop. 6:45 We now take this boring Pussycat Dolls acceptance speech moment to offer you a video delight: Seth Green and Clark Duke from Greek and Sex Drive delivering a friendly shout-out to you, the Defamer reader! (We apologize in advance if the audio is lousy. We were fighting noise pollution from the Rock Band stage, hovering helicopters, and whatever was coming out of a nearby Joe Francis's mouth at the time.) Click to view 6:41 Russell Brand just delivered a breathless monologue as if he was late for a flight to a country that knows who he is. Lindsay Lohan just announced she's the new lead singer for AC/DC? We think? Yeah we definitely have a touch of sunstroke. 6:40 Lil' Wayne has the room on its feet. He's even lil'er in person! 6:37 Michael Phelps just got a standing ovation, then crapped the pool with a mumbled introduction. We'll assume it had something to do with Leona Lewis, as she is now performing. Behold, ladies and gentleman: what Simon Cowell would look like if he could come back to earth as a woman. 6:30 We thought Katy Perry was doing a fairly straightforward version of "Like A Virgin" by the TravAm BarkDJis pit, until she fooled us all and replaced the word "virgin" with "Jonas." Because they're all virgins, you see. We can't wait to see what she does with her cover of the Divinyls "I Touch Miley Self!" (Groan.) Oh well, we got "I Kissed A Girl" instead. This is jam of the summer! High five! 6:28 So THAT'S what those mobs of tweens were doing in the lot. Run, Jonas brothers, run! They'll tear you to shreds and consume you alive! 6:26 Apparently the Jonas Brothers are performing live from the set of 227. Jackee just sauntered by and pinched Nick's cheek. Aww... 6:24 Chris Brown gives a short and sweet acceptance speech; he seems genuinely surprised that Mrs. Jefferson didn't win instead. 6:22 Back from commercial and it's a surprise appearance by the world's premiere Cougar Temptress Queen, Demi Moore, growling out the nominees for BEST...uh...SOMETHING INVOLVING MALE R&B SINGERS. Oh, it's BEST MALE. 6:13 So we're finally in our seats, and apparently we've missed Britney Spears's, much-hyped, four-second appearance. BUT WAIT! She just won BEST FEMALE VIDEO, looking sparkly in a short gown custom designed by Giovanni di Sparkly. Forgive our tardiness, it's truly a madhouse on the lot the likes of which we have never seen in our lives. Lines leading seemingly nowhere, security who have no idea what event they're covering, and the random cater waiter carrying a tray of champagne. We think we just got sunstroke on the red carpet (though we met Sumner Redstone!). Back in a moment after we get our bearings. Click to view

Britney Spears' mom has a tell-all book coming out which is sure to become a Lifetime Network original movie. In it, Lynn Spears accuses the singer's former "manager"—control freak and all around vile-sounding human—Sam Lutfi of grinding up pills and secretly dosing Britney to keep her docile while he insidiously took over her life. He also allegedly threatened that the troubled pop star would be heading to the morgue if he was ever out of the picture: "If you try to get rid of me, she'll be dead and I'll piss on her grave," Lynn says Lutfi told her just days before Britney's forced stay at a psychiatric facility.

· Let Lindsay Lohan, Albert Brooks, Jamie Lynn Spears, and Life Magazine introduce you to the GOP's great vice-presidential hope. · In one of the best TV scraps since Judd Apatow eradicated That 70s Show's Mark Brazill, Greg Garcia branded Alec Baldwin as an "unlikeable, psychotic narcissist" after Baldwin bitched about NBC showing more love to My Name Is Earl than 30 Rock. · David Duchovny taught us all kinds of hilarious euphemisms for "sex addiction." · Madman Nicolas Cage went all the way to Thailand and all he got was this lousy coup. · David Spade might have made a kid, but Matthew McConaughey made a kid cry. · Brad Pitt, Jennifer Aniston and Paris Hilton made their respective plans for the Toronto Film Festival. · Do we dare ponder a future without Beijing Ben frolicking on NBC's behalf? · David Cronenberg explained to us that David Lynch is "way weirder" than he is. · All-Trailer Day had a look at Zack & Miri, Labor Pains and Milk. · The likeness to Jason Priestley's facial shrub was easy to place. Robert Downey Jr's, though? Not so much. · The first trailer of burgeoning political pundit Lindsay Lohan's comeback vehicle, Labor Pains, made its way online. Lindsay and her newly remunerative ladyfriend Sam Ronson celebrated with a full-fledged liplock for the paps. · We finally got a taste our first taste of the newer, smilier 90210. It remains to be seen whether Shenae Grimes' shit-eating grin can top Shannen Doherty's bitchy frown of yore, but one thing is certain: we can't wait for the reveal that Brandon was really the Unabomber! · Don LaFontaine, RIP. · And finally, don't forget to check back here on Sunday for our liveblog direct from the red carpet of the 2008 MTV Video Music Awards. Britney will be opening and Kanye will be closing, while we're hopeful that watersports-enthusiast Russell Brand will be able to shake off his terrifying experience with an elephant's vagina and be as funny hosting as he was when we interviewed him. See you on Sunday at or around 3pm PDT!

· Oh. Ma. Ga. Ladies and gentlemen: Britney Spears, lean, mean, and executing complicated choreography. Is she actually going to perform at the VMAs? You'll just have to tune in to our liveblog—from the actual theater, all live-like!—to find out. [MSN Video] · "The item in today's 'Drudge Report' is categorically untrue," Winfrey wrote. "There has been absolutely no discussion about having Sarah Palin on my show...I agree that Sarah Palin would be a fantastic interview, and I would love to have her on after the campaign is over." Translation: That lipstick-wearing pitbull gets this lipstick-wearing pitbull ratings, not the other way around. [ABC News] · Because we can never get enough, here's an entire gallery of Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist star Michael Cera looking adorable next to someone else. [Getty Images] · Let Mary Hart take you on a tour of ET's all-new, state-of-the-art, super-duper hi-def set! Yup, that oughta hold 'er for another 50 years. [ET Online] · And finally, we'd like you to meet John Travis, the indestructible singing delivery guy. We just hope it's never on the road. [YouTube]

Though ladykiller VMAs host Russell Brand is certainly no stranger to female anatomy, his elephant-starring VMAs commercial with Britney Spears was nearly waylaid when he became obsessed with, as he puts it, one "terrifying vagina." In a chat with the Ebert-usurping Ben Lyons, Brand details how the elephant's mammoth sexual orifice nearly blew his mind, causing him to be late to an initial meeting with Spears (and subsequently leading the confused pop singer to ID him on-air as "Russell Brown"). With colorful anecdotes like these, the Defamer liveblog of this Sunday's VMAs should be a breeze; most of all, we can't wait until an onstage Brand takes the Jonas Brothers aside to demonstrate the colorful things an ambitious trio is really capable of. [MTV]

VMA FYI: In news that will surely please his favorite white girl Scarlett Johansson, Kanye West has been picked to close out this year's VMAs (which will be opened — in some fashion — by Britney Spears). Since it's the ceremony's 25th anniversary, the network says we can expect winks to MTV's past including Christina Aguilera returning to reprise "Genie in a Bottle," and Katy Perry essaying Madonna's "Like a Virgin." And just like at this year's MTV Movie Awards, we'll be live on the red carpet Sunday evening causing havoc and liveblogging our hearts out. But unlike the '07 VMAs, this year's event looks like it might actually be able to hold our interest, thanks to the addition of the unpredictable Russell Brand as host. Let's just hope they don't let Eva Longoria Parker near him — MTV couldn't afford the FCC fine if those two got into water sports again. [MTV]

Anticipation is building steadily for the release of Lynne Spears's Through The Storm: A Real Tale Of Fame And Family In A Tabloid World, a sort of My Life by Bill Clinton for the absentee parenting set. As luck would have it, the National Enquirer has secured an advanced copy of the three-time grandmother and world class permissivist's memoir, in which she weighs in with astonishing honesty about her powerlessness over her teenage daughter's extra-curricular activities:

• Britney Spears drank at 13, lost her virginity at 14 and started taking drugs at 15, her mom said in a tell-all memoir. By 16 the singer was caught with cocaine and pot on a private jet, and mom was feeling guilty about letting her sleep with Justin Timberlake and make "raunchy" music videos. But releasing a tell-all memoir about Spears six months after Spears's latest trip the psychiatric ward? No regrets! [Sun]

• Star Jones has a new man! Meet Herb Wilson, the executive chef at Manhattan's Soho and Tribeca Grand hotels. [People]

Comeback Comeback: Britney Spears's ongoing flirtation with this year's VMAs has progressed past the stage of hanging out near an elephant while Russell Brand played Itsy Bitsy Spider up her inner thigh. She's going to open the show—though great care is being taken not to have a repeat of last year's performance, a still of which now appears next to the word "train·wreck" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Instead, MTV Networks Music Group President Van Toffler said it will be something "fun and unexpected." Britney said in a statement, "MTV has long played an important role in my career. How can I not be there to kick off their 25th VMAs? I'm excited to open the entire show, to say hi to my fans and to be nominated." [AP/Yahoo]

• Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild scuzz, has for some reason hired as his personal assistant Holly Montag, sister of the actress Heidi Montag. He reports she is "probably the best assistant I have ever had," by which he means she waited for him to get out of prison and greatly increases the chances he will score some sort of reality television deal. [P6]

• Fresh off a breakup with Drew Barrymore, Justin Long made out with Kirsten Dunst. He likes them (barely) sober! [R&M]

Actually, that's not the case at all. (Besides, everyone knows her event is javelin.) No, this was a photograph taken from the opening night of her Sticky & Sweet Tour in Cardiff, Wales. While there existed in it no single sacred-cow-buggering money shot like her last tour's disco ball crucifixion sequence—and the tour before that when she was lowered via loop-and-pulley system onto an engorged Dalai Lama—there was an eyebrow-elevating video installation in which images of John McCain were juxtaposed alongside "photos of Hitler and brutal Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe," while later in the show a similar montage featured Barack Obama spliced with pictures of John Lennon, Mahatma Ghandi, and Ron Popeil Al Gore. Needless to say, the McCain camp was outraged, as much over her heavy-metal bastardization of "Borderline" as they were the ugly comparisons to the Third Reich:

Though we may go back and forth on whether we want our MTV, one thing we can all agree on is that we want a Dirt Sandwich. Like your favorite music channel in its heyday, it's packed with pop stars (Britney! Sanjaya!), celebrity antics (Bill Murray skydiving) and even the occasional bit of sobering news (Christina Applegate's mastectomy). And that whole "quick-cut MTV editing" thing? We got that, too. Sit back, put down your remote control, and let Molly McAleer take you on a psychedelic trip through the world of celebrity infotainment that would make even a Radiohead video seem banal. And if you don't watch? Katherine Heigl is gonna point and laugh at you.

· You know how everyone used to complain that Britney Spears lip-synced her way through all of her concerts? Well, after seeing this video that isolates Britney's vocals during her "Live From Las Vegas" show, we're pretty sure you'll be thankful that backing tracks exist. [Funny Or Die via Buzzfeed] · We know that we're supposed to bow at the feet of Radiohead because, well, everyone bows at the feet of Radiohead. But we can't help but concur with Hold Steady guitarist Tad Kubler's recent comments about the band: "I think they've lost the plot. I like them as a rock band, all the buttons and sequencing and stuff like that I don't really care for. I'm a fan of rock music, and what they're doing now I don't think is very good." [Vulture] · We've been thinking a lot about Sharon Stone ever since we revealed her new twentysomething boyfriend yesterday. While her film career is stalled, we think we spotted a reality show opportunity that would be a perfect fit for her brand of crazy: Vh1's Cougar Camp. [NY Post] · This headline has us thankful all of the film critics haven't been killed off yet: "Hamlet 2: The First One Was Better." [Time] · Most of our favorite movies of the '80s require a healthy suspension of disbelief to enjoy. Teen Wolf was one of those films. But now, thanks to the comedy troupe Summer Of Tears, we're not sure we're ever going to be able to watch it again without contemplating how none of the characters raised an eyebrow when the bestiality angle came into play. [/Film]

Back Together: After Britney Spears skipped out on plans to record a Timbaland-helmed duet with Justin Timberlake for her last album (hmmm, maybe she's been busy?) the NY Post reports that the pop singer and Timberlake are finally set to reunite for her album due later this year. Though the Post calls it a "long-awaited duet," we have to wonder: haven't they already recorded one together? Not that we knew that or anything, it just...happened to come up when we Googled "Britney duet." OK, fine, we'll admit it. We knew about it already. You've caught us Cheeto-handed. [NY Post]

When Americans think about reasons to visit Britain, what usually comes to mind is seeing old castles, eating scones, and drinking tea. But, for celebrities at least, there's another excellent reason: taking magazines to the cleaners! Apparently Jennifer Lopez, Harrison Ford, and Britney Spears are all indulging in "libel tourism," which was inaugurated in 2000 when London-based Russian émigré Boris Berezovsky (more here) took action against Forbes for portraying him as "a brutal thug and crook."

[Folk singer/activist/celebrated poet Joni Mitchell Britney Spears leaving a recording studio in the California section of the US of America; image via Splash]