Alan Cumming thinks he has found a man whose wang is bigger, wider, and even more America-shaping than Billy Crudup's cerulean love-stick: our president, Barack Obama.

When did the stimulus debate become about Rush Limbaugh? Seriously? This is a failure on everyone's part.

It would've been soooo easy for a ridiculously wealthy liberal campaign donor to assassinate Barack Obama during the inaugural.

Alejandra Campoverdi zoomed from campaign intern to assistant to a deputy White House chief of staff with, we're told, no other political experience. But the "flirtatious" Obama staffer supposedly wanted more.

Samantha Power better have serious diplomatic skills: She's taking a foreign police job requiring "close contract and potential travel" with the woman she called a "monster," Hillary Clinton.

Washington views life as a zero-sum game: If you win, then I lose. Our leaders, in pursuing partisan passions, forget that the whole point of economic stimulus is to make the pie larger.

Supposedly, nothing more can be done for Patrick Swayze.

Did you hear about what's going on in there, the Obama White House? It's Lord Of The Flies: Tropical heat, territorial prowling, surprise attacks on subordinates and barbaric business casual.

One of the nice thing about having a glamorous First Family is that it can provide cheap escapist entertainment amid a bleak economy and partisan political rancor.

Hah, the Obamas brought their own personal home chef with them to The White House. And oddly that bit of crazy elitism will please all the hippies.

Guys have you heard about this stimulus bill? It is made up entirely of $1 trillion dollars spent on sex, filthy unreproductive sex!

"Malia Obama-Jonas"...has a nice (purity) ring to it. [HuffPo]

Obama will win votes for his stimulus package the old fashioned way: by getting lawmakers drunk.

Nobody outside the Valley knows much about Symantec CEO John Thompson, the frontrunner to be the next Secretary of Commerce. But if anyone Googles the software chief, they'll get an eyeful.

Former Clinton White House mouthpiece Dee Dee Myers just called Barack Obama "the most famous living person in the history of the world." Whatever! What about, like, The Pope? Or Tom Cruise!

• Fourth-quarter profits at the New York Times Co. were down nearly 50 percent compared to a year ago; the company also announced that it has retained Goldman Sachs to sell its 17 percent stake in the Red Sox. [NYT]
• More on Condé Nast's decision to close Domino. [NYT]
• Because there isn't enough choice with the 364 different iterations of HBO you already have, another premium cable channel is headed your way. [WSJ]
• How al-Arabiya got the first post-inauguration interview with Obama. [Time]
• Hurry up! There are only two spots left for the Super Bowl on Sunday. You can make the $2.4 million check payable to NBC. [THR]

[President Barack Obama walking to the Oval Office after visiting the Capitol today. Why does the White House lawn have fake deer? Image via SAUL LOEB/AFP/Getty Images]

Even as she was helping ruin John McCain's presidential hopes forever, Sarah Palin was learning an important lesson from Barack Obama: Strike while your fame is still hot.

Enough about Obama speechwriter Jon Favreau, 27. Who is his hot young girlfriend, Alejandra Campoverdi, and how did she make her way from a farmworker's family to Maxim magazine to the White House?

We have a Secretary of the Treasury! The Senate voted in Tim Geithner, despite the New York Fed chief's failure to pay $34,000 in taxes. "An honest mistake," says the White House's top flack. Oh?