Here are some of Chris Cillizza's tweets from the White House press briefing, where he represents the Washington Post. What is wrong with him, and why won't he stop?

Bob Woodward, the world's most famous and talented and handsome reporter, dropped hints of scandal on the TV this weekend! Follow the money!

Last week we mulled an important question: does the popular Barack Obama cutout have white hands? Well now, because of some heroic reporting, a true change has been made.

Sorry, ladies: We're told Jon Favreau, Barack Obama's 27-year-old single speechwriter, now has a girlfriend. With ample clearance.

Why would you think that? Ty Inc., creator of the Beanie Babies, just happened to pick those names, since they are "beautiful." Here, let the flack sort this out for you:

The attention, it was just too much: Barack Obama 's single, 27-year-old speechwriter apparently disappeared himself from Facebook within three days of his boss' inauguration. We blame young women.

During the campaign, Barack Obama presented himself as the sunny heir to Ronald Reagan's style of optimistic Americana. But this series of clips tells a different story. This is Obama when he gets angry.

This is your "soul-melting funny foto of the week," a terrifying morph from dumb old George W. Chimpy McHilter to President Hopey Hussein.

The Huffington Post asked one of our finest minds, pop rocker Pete Wentz, to give new prez Barack Obama advice drawn from his experience of being famous for marrying Ashlee Simpson. He totally relates, bro.

Hope you weren't counting on rounding out your inauguration memorabilia collection with some Obama-branded smack. Earlier this week, cops in upstate New York broke up a drug ring that was selling baggies of heroin with "Obama" stamped on the glassine wrappers. Expect to hear all about Obama's nefarious ties to drug gangs on right-wing talk shows for the next week or so. [TSG]

It's a new year, the dawning of a new political era, and on Monday your calendar should be marked for the most important shift of all: the start of the Chinese lunar year! The Year of the Ox, according to Feng Shui gurus, won't bring an end to the world's woes, nor an easy ride for Barack Obama's first months in office, even though he was born in the Year of the Ox, which apparently means he's patient, hardworking, stable and tenacious. Then again, other Ox leaders have included Richard Nixon and Margaret Thatcher, so make of that what you will.

The Lafayette French Pastry bakery in the Village is super trendy. Their cakes were used on Sex and the City! And, like every other trendo, they're showing Obama some love. With, um, "Drunken Negro Head" cookies.

Be sure to watch the video to the very end to enjoy what will undoubtedly become an instant classic.

It took all of two working days for the Obama Administration's relationship with the media to get testy. The president shouldn't seem so surprised.

The credulous public didn't hear the REAL performance by Yo-Yo Ma and Itzhak Perlman at Barack Obama's inauguration. It heard a two-day old recording. Along with that fake oath.

Ayelet Waldman, the writer and the overadoring and slightly stalky wife of Michael Chabon, emailed a lengthy account of the couple's AAA-list adventure at Barack Obama's inauguration. To 5,000 less awesome people.

His rocket fetish and bio-weapons research notwithstanding, Silicon Valley venture capitalist Steve Jurvetson is known for funding invention, not producing it. Funny how some illegal Obama sex changed all that.

Trend alert: Did you know it's very "hot" to be black or lesbian right now? We know it's true because CNN coolhunter Larry King, 112, said so. Everyone laughed nervously.

Staffers plucked from Obama's campaign operation, used to cutting-edge technology, are finding the White House to be a Mac-free technological museum. In other words, they're learning to work like the rest of America!

Barack Obama knew his mangled presidential oath would be used against him forever, so he made America's comically inarticulate chief justice and some reporters come to a do-over party.