Breaking: The New York Times Co. would maybe like to sell the tanking Boston Globe, the company revealed yesterday after everybody already knew it for months. More surprisingly, somebody might actually want to buy the paper!

Did you like the part of the global economic meltdown where world governments had to step in to save the financial markets from total collapse? Then you'll love the part where they start rationing our food and oil supplies!

The Way We Live Now: Revenge-d by the nerds. Statisticians are the new Hedge Fund Guys. The less math-y among us are just marks for con artists and shady Metrocard machines. But: hot stock tip, below!

The Way We Live Now: In the kitchen. New York City can no longer afford post offices, but the city is offering a million bucks for somebody to bake bread under the train tracks in East Harlem. Yea. Thanks.

Fuck you, Wall Street. Fuck you for being so rich that you have money to spend. But fuck you more for not spending it, so we don't hate you. Thank you, Wall Street Wives—you're still rich, entitled, free-spending terrors!

The trustee for Bernie Madoff's victims filed a $45 million suit against Ruth Madoff last week. He hasn't succeeded in getting any money yet, but he has succeeded in further humiliating Ruth Madoff! She is basically a grounded teenager now.

The Way We Live Now: With bells on. Jingle bells. Sweaty, stank jingle bells. They get that way when you wear em in July. But the economy demands Christmas shopping now. I want a hideous Jeff Koons diamond sculpture, Santa!

Two brazen Boston bidders have actually put in bids for the teetering Boston Globe! If our quick math is right, the bids should be in the area of... negative $96 million.

The Way We Live Now: As victims. Who really got hurt by this recession? Everyone thinks "The Poors," or "Small Business." Wrong. Spare a moment to sympathize with the real victims. Like white males. And ExxonMobil. And toilets!

The High Line is the fancy railroad track-park on the West Side of Manhattan that was lobbied for and coveted by celebrities and the rich. Now they've got it! And they'd like the neighbors to pay for it.

The Way We Live Now: Out of proportion. Small portions of the housing market may be stabilizing. The world economy may not collapse any further. Ah well. We're already fully invested in jewel thieving and brilliant ATM scams.

McKinsey & Co.'s penny-pinching audit of Conde Nast is underway, and they're successfully striking fear into the hearts of employees at all levels. Apparently magazines are expected to "make money," now?

The Way We Live Now: Suffering in relativity. Allen Stanford has no air conditioning. Haitian boat people are drowning. Baghdad security guards are getting killed. And back in Queens, we're barely scraping by, workin' in the Yak shop.

The Way We Live Now: Standing. There are so many unpaid interns, we can't even find seats for them all. It's good practice. The 2016 Chicago Olympics' hot new sports are "Standing on the unemployment line" and "Standing there, drunk."

The Way We Live Now: Believing against all odds! We're abandoning recession-tastic McDonald's for Starbucks once again. The ad industry bottom is here! We hope. Now if we could just get our unemployment checks, we could go celebrate.

The Way We Live Now: Taxed and Spent. But high! Marijuana taxes will save California from descending into Mad Max-dom. Residents celebrated by forsaking ugly shoes. Wall Street couldn't be happier!

Living the hobo life really does save money. The New York Times Co. just announced that they actually made money in the second quarter. Cutting all expenses and selling off everything works! Uh, sort of.

The Way We Live Now: Holding fast to our dreams, for without them life is a broken winged bird that cannot fly. Langston Hughes' boyhood home has been sold in foreclosure, for crumbs. It's such a Bore Being always Poor.

The Way We Live Now: Disneyfied! You can buy into Disney's simulacrum of an American community right now—cheap! It's the only place left without wild dogs roaming the trash-filled deserted main streets.

Us Weekly editor Janice Min is reportedly considering quitting her job when her contract's up in two weeks. And why not? She's made her millions, and millions. But! The post-magazine life of a celebrity editor is fraught with danger.