· Comedy Central's put the trailer from the truncated third season of Chappelle's Show online. What you'll find: A disembodied, bald head advising Dave, more Lil John, Dave and Alf, and the pangs of loss from not getting a full season to say goodbye.
· Yahoo has the MI:III (that's Mission: Impossible 3 for those who can't decode the cute, marketing-devised shorthand) trailer online. What you'll find: Philip Seymour Hoffman playing the bad guy, Tom Cruise unconvincingly aggressively kissing Michelle Monahan, shit blowing up and throwing Cruise into a parked car.
· LAT awards season shocker! Studios sometimes buy For Your Consideration ads for unworthy projects and performances, just to massage fragile star egos!
· If you're looking for the lighthearted, bubblegum lipsync pop of Lindsay Lohan's first CD, keep on walkin', dude. On her second disc, Lohan goes all dark and shit. Still lipsyncs, though, so she's got that going for her.

Sightings are sent in by your brothers and sisters in stalking; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

· It's like the first three minutes of Sluts on a Plane, the best porno movie never made: Two cops arrive to arrest a pair of drunken, belligerent Playmates who've just terrorized the passengers of a two-hour plane ride with their intoxicated antics...the slurring vixens make "sexual advances" to avoid charges...and then get arrested anyway. That's why it'd never get made.
· No, it seems that Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie did not get married in Florida today, no matter what that radio DJ there said.
· Someone finally stepped forward to help Lindsay Lohan out with her appearance-cancelling digestive problems. Also, here's a pic of Lohan teaching A Prairie Home Companion co-star Meryl Streep the finer points of lip-syncing.
· At least it's not called Trading Races.

• Oh, now we understand: Lindsay Lohan missed her appearance on Regis & Kelly because her head got eaten by Kong. Right. Thankfully, that's not so serious as to keep her off of TRL right about now. [Popsugar & OAN]
• Christopher Hitchens predicts the death of the journalist protagonist in modern fiction, suggesting that, god forbid, such characters are replaced with bloggers — a development which could really just be the death of modern fiction altogether. [Guardian]
• Fake David Cross is alive, well, and banned from a bar for being a total boozehound. [Felber Frolics]
• How to do your holiday shopping, with helpful, implicitly violent tips from the Gap. [You Can't Make It Up]
• In a piece on "suspected" firefighting sex fiend Peter Braunstein, Dateline interviews blogger Steve Huff as an "expert" on the case. Hey, if New York's Vanessa Grigoriadis counts, we suppose a blogger can, too. [B&C Beat]
• Now you can pay the very supplies AP staffers have been stealing for years. [AP Essentials]
• It's a tourist's dream: Getting wasted in Manhattan, but not lost. [NY on Tap]
• iPorn for your iPod isn't novel, but A-list Playboy porn ups the ante just a bit. But can you get it in braille? [MDN]

Towleroad gives us a firsthand account of last night's King Kong premiere in New York City (and, for the spoiler-indifferent, a full review of the film. Good news: Kong awesome. Bad news: No one else is.):

Tragic news from the world of banal morning television: at the last minute, intermittently nourished starlet Lindsay Lohan cancelled her appearance on today's episode of Live With Regis & Kelly. Internerdy chatter suggests that during an early morning segment on local radio station Z100, Lohan reportedly "ate something" in the studio that likely resulted in a painful, extended period of shaky bathroom moaning. As such, the rapidly crapping actress was unable to visit Regis & Kelly, giving the show only enough notice to cover her absence and the empty air time with idle chit-chat.

· Linday Lohan cleverly "turns the tables" on the paparazzi by taking their picture while dressed like the Unabomber. We must admit, it's a much more reasonable approach than trying to frame the paps by smashing her car into a delivery guy.
· Creepy crop circles, or a Venn diagram illustrating the intersection of out-of-work actors desperate to make industry connections and highly suggestible people with nothing better to do than take personality tests? You make the call.
· The Sunday NY Times asked, "Is child stardom no longer a life sentence?" We answer: Former child actors have been enjoying greater career longevity ever since SAG negotiated to have those subcortical microchips that explode once they cease being cute removed from their CBA with the studios.
· Jet Li's such a fast learner that there's no reason he won't one day be the biggest star in America.
· H.P. Lovecraft and the Family Circus: the best mash-up we've ever seen. [via BoingBoing]

• The day Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey announced their separation, Star and Celebrity Living had covers suggesting the couple's pregnancy. Surely they'll save face by giving Simpson a miscarriage next week. [Page Six]
• Lindsay Lohan's reign of fucking continues towards its inevitable end: Johnny Knoxville. [Lowdown (last item)]
• At the Australian Film Industry Awards, Russell Crowe mocks his phone-throwing incident by bringing an old phone on stage and threatening the audience with it. Those who didn't laugh were promptly beaten. [IMDb]
• The Lower East Side is far from perfect, but its denizens still scare off Ashlee Simpson. [Page Six]
• Jayson Blair returns to 43rd street to film a Swedish interview outside the Times building. Some editors reportedly opened their windows and said hello, presumably with water baloons and shaving cream-filled condoms. [R&M (2nd item)]

We hate to take another trolley ride through Lohanville so quickly, but after perusing a gallery of images from last night's American Music Awards, it seems that everyone's favorite Mercedes crumple-zone tester used her platform ("an erratic and miserable performance," raves the Boston Herald!) to embrace a message of peace for the holidays. The simple, repeated gesture warmed our hearts, but we have to admit that we find it somewhat lacking after the seasonal catharsis offered by a single, spontaneous, "Jesus! It's Thanksgiving! Be nice. FUCK!"

It was to be the next great Hollywood romantic pairing our generation's Burton and Taylor, their tempestuous, larger-than-life passion bubbling over into unforgettable on-screen performances in historical epics. They were supposed to get married to each other possibly more than once! No more: fire-eyed demon of temptation, thy name is Hard Rock Hotel & Casino.

• Rush and Molloy report that Jude Law and Sienna Miller are seen sucking face at Balthazar, while Page Six claims the two were having a screaming match outside the very same venue. Balthazar brings out a range of emotions in us, too.
• Angelina Jolie has nabbed herself a Cambodian citizenship and is spotted house-hunting with Brad Pitt in D.C. — finally giving our nation's capital a connection to pressing world issues. [Page Six]
• Crazy-ass Joaquin Phoenix now says he might leaving acting altogether. Is there any length he won't go to to promote Walk the Line? [Scoop]
• Jared Leto and Lindsay Lohan might not be such a hot item, as Leto was spotted with a hot blonde. Keep the faith, Lohan — Jason Lewis still loves you. [Page Six]
• Is Page Six darklord Richard Johnson the Inconsiderate Cell Phone Guy? [Lowdown]

According to a reader, who we have no reason to believe this other than our longing to believe in something, anything, the happy fellow at right just might be the Fake Jason Lewis. (Refresher: Through a series of text messages, Fake Jason Lewis tricked Lindsay Lohan into thinking he was the actor of the same name, resulting in a week of misguided SMS flirting.)

• As it turns out, the Lindsay Lohan story we posted — in which a man named Jason Lewis duped Lohan into thinking he was the fucktastic actor of the same name, all via text messages — is totally true. We were right? Ugh, it always feels so funny when that happens. [Lowdown]
• Actress Brittany Murphy gets dropped by her manager at Brillstein-Grey and her agent at ICM, perhaps because she enjoys getting smack-happy and humping the help. [Radar]
• A fundraiser at the Museum of Natural History becomes an anti-Bush rally. In New York City? On the Upper West Side? Preposterous! [R&M]
• 90's songstress Lisa Loeb is dating former Post reporter Allen Salkin. This should really detract from her E! reality project that follows her through the single life. [Page Six]
• Christina Aguilera will wed fiancé Jordan Bratman in Napa Valley on Saturday. Rest assured, the entire affair will cost more than you'll ever be worth. [IMDb]

Passing along mass e-mails usually isn't our cup of tea, because a) when it turns out that the story that starts out "My friend's best friend works at Universal and he told him that Steve Guttenberg just drowned in Pauly Shore's hot tub" are always disappointingly inaccurate, and b) everyone sees them a hundred times anyway. But media whore sister site Gawker's posted a doozy, involving Lindsay Lohan, a guy with the convenient name "Jason Lewis," and a series of late-night cellphone communications that's currently making the inbox rounds. It's amusing even if it turns out to be more the product of someone's cubicle ennui than Lohan's desire to party with the Sex and the City guy.

We're not much ones for the email forwards, but the one we're about to discuss is so new, so damn detailed, that we're inclined to indulge ourselves and reprint the whole thing for your pleasure. Of course, it helps that the subject is Lindsay Lohan.

Click to enlarge and overanalyze.

Sightings are sent in by our Stella McCartney for H&M-clad readers; send yours to tips@gawker.com.

• 50 Cent shows up to the premiere of his movie with a 30-member posse, the members of which he politely attempts to introduce, individually, to red carpet reporters. See? We told you he was nothing but a thug poseur. [Lowdown (2nd item)]
• Because marrying Jordan Catalano is every young woman's dream, Lindsay Lohan is eager to wed beau Jared Leto, who taught her how to eat again. [Scoop]
• Matthew McConaughey is rumored to have landed the role of People magazine's Sexiest Man With Hairplugs Alive. [Page Six]
• Actress Halle Berry is sleeping with her boyfriend, so she must be pregnant. [R&M]
• Most disturbing sighting ever: "Joe (father of Michael) Jackson at Bruno Jamais' supper club with Jocelyn Wildenstein promoting his reality TV show, 'Hip-Hop Boot Camp.'" [Page Six]

A former guest at Girls Gone Wild Chief Titty-Inspecting Officer Joe Francis's Casa Aramara compound (doesn't your house have a name and a website?) in Puerta Vallarta snapped this pic of the estate's guestbook, where a vacationing Lindsay Lohan scrawled these heartfelt words for her gracious host: Joe: I love you, marry me? I know you love 18 yr olds. No, but seriously, thank you so much. Everything was amazing and you were a fuckin' great host. I'll be back to torture ya. Love always, Lindsay. P.S. Wear a condom Joe & keep your tongue in your mouth. La La Loo. You can click the above image to see a larger, more easily readable version.

Think someone at NBC was a Six Feet Under fan? Our pal Andy Towle at Towleroad does.
· At the UK premiere of that black-and-white movie about the commies, Clooney puts to rest all speculation that he'd have a reason for buying that gay bar: “I’ve no preference towards anyone, ladies or men, Italian or American.” Also, it seems that Clooney coldcocked a dude, just for good measure.
· We have only three words to say about Howard Stern's one-day suspension, served tomorrow: F Tom Chiusano. [SFX: golf club swing]
· We are shocked—shocked!—that Lindsay Lohan hasn't given a lot of thought to the college selection process.
· Most depressing headline of the day: NBC's big bright spot: Jay Leno. Ever seen a peacock put its head in the oven? You might soon.