In the August issue of Lucky Magazine, a publication where teenage girls shop for jean shorts and Keds, singer Solange Knowles finally "addresses" her scuffle with brother-in-law and rapper Jay Z. The singer describes the brawl as "that thing."

Us Weekly reports that while the rest of us endlessly refresh our news feeds on this spring afternoon, hoping (for a reason we haven't spent enough time trying to understand) to get a glimpse of Kim and Kanye in their wedding clothes, Beyoncé and Jay Z are in the Hamptons, simply enjoying their life. SNUBBED!

America's Royal Family, wealth accumulator Jay Z and pop magnate Beyoncé, released a surprise trailer last night for their upcoming On The Run tour that proves two things: surprises now lack meaning and money cannot buy self-awareness. A third thing: Beyoncé has no idea what a gun is.

Andy Samberg hosted the season finale of Saturday Night Live last night, which opened with Jay Z and Solange (Jay Pharoah and Sasheer Zamata) proving that they've made amends and letting us in on what really happened in that elevator. (Something about a spider.)

A spokesperson for the Standard Hotel said on Wednesday that they identified and fired the employee who sold the now-infamous Met Brawl video to TMZ.

Nothing weird at all about this, just two normal people with a normal husband/sister-in-law relationship shopping for jewelry on a Tuesday afternoon.

A source (not 50 Cent) tells the New York Daily News that Solange Knowles' infamous elevator attack on brother-in-law Jay Z happened after Jay made plans to head to Rihanna's Met Ball after-party without bringing Beyoncé.

One of the many unanswered questions about the elevator dustup between Solange Knowles and Jay Z at the Met Gala is why Beyoncé stood calmly by while her sister attacked her husband. Is Bey taking anyone's side, here?

A tipster who was at Bushwick pizza joint Roberta's on Sunday night tells us that Beyoncé and Jay Z had dinner there—just a few days after Beyoncé's sister Solange attacked Jay in an elevator. Social-media documentation of the evening seems to show a pleasant-enough date (at least, no one is getting kicked), but our source says that Beyoncé "stormed out," ending the meal.

The most disappointing thing about Beyoncé's sister losing it at Jay Z in an elevator is the lack of sound on the security tape, which makes it difficult to figure out what the fight was all about. Fortunately, it's 2014, so we have access to technology that can solve this problem: Namely, 50 Cent's Instagram account.

Beyoncé and Jay Z did a quick photo-op at the Nets-Heat game tonight after a totally normal day without much going on.

Here's the full video of Solange attacking Jay Z in an elevator, via TMZ. Shortly after the first video cuts off, Solange continues to talk—yell?—at Jay Z. Several seconds later, she tries again to hit him and is pulled away. Half a minute or so passes, and she lunges at him again, walloping him with her purse, which spills all over the elevator. Then all three—Beyoncé, Jay, and Solange—calmly exit the elevator with their entourage..

According to video obtained by TMZ, Beyoncé's sister Solange attacked Jay Z in an elevator at an after-party for last week's Met Gala.

Poor man's Jared Leto, walking hair follicle Jake Gyllenhaal, sat next to Jay Z and Beyoncé at a Nets-Heat game last night and really struggled to find something to entertain both stars with. No common ground was found.

Oh internet! Oh glorious fountain of lies and truth, oh tangled network of trolls and heroes, oh noxious abyss of Photoshopped Harry Styles photos. You are so wonderful yet so full of shit.

"Distract your subject with hardcore lesbian sex happening right next to him" doesn't seem like a viable interview strategy, but then 2 Live Crew mastermind Luther Campbell is no ordinary interviewer. The, uh, chat above happened in 1997, around the time of the release of Jay's second album, In My Lifetime, Vol. 1. The rapper/mogul pair attempt to discuss Jay Z's music, but that proves impossible, which is the point, I guess? If everyone had two women hooking up next to them, no one would get any work done.

Earlier this week, Forbes released its annual breakdown of "Hip-Hop Cash Kings"—the highest-paid rap artists of the last year. It's an interesting calculation for many reasons, including the revelations that Pitbull made more than Drake, that both Nicki Minaj and Avicii brought in more than Kanye, and that the top 20 spots contain five white guys, one of whose names rhymes with Tacklebore.

Yesterday's Daily News item about the firing of Jay Z and Beyoncé's bodyguard, Norman Oosterbroek, claimed that the 6'5", 280-pound "Dutch giant" was fired after being found "using the family's passports in a lewd act." But it's even worse than you might imagine.

The New York Daily News published a bananas story Wednesday exposing the bizarre circumstances surrounding Jay Z and Beyoncé’s abrupt dismissal of their 6'5", 280 lbs. head of security, Norman Oosterbroek: He was fired after the couple allegedly saw photographic and video evidence of him “using the family’s passports in a lewd act." (The couple also discovered he had hired a prostitute while on duty for them in Las Vegas, which is crazy because it is somehow the LEAST interesting aspect of the story.)

Inspired by the following (DIDDY DENIED) item from the New York Daily News' "Confidenti@l" column: