Impressionable tarts across America are now being pushed and prodded to buy "fertility tests" to tell them when the time is ripe, for sex. Sophisticated advertising campaigns are encouraging intercourse. Nation Of Whores much, hmmmmmm?

Producers still want vengeance against Jeremy Piven for dropping out of Speed the Plow due to "mercury poisoning." They've been thwarted once, and the actor now claims history and Hope are on his side.

Two conceptual artists/nuts decided that they could stop people from dying by building bizarre apartments for them. But Bernie Madoff lost all their money! He's killed the dream of immortality through uneven flooring:

Well, well. Michelle Obama has some nice arms, and now all the ladies want some nice arms. Women of America: resist this arm fixation. Do you want to end up just as dumb as men?

Despite being total bullshit, the idea that you can "cleanse" your body with days-long juice fasts persists. If a new story is to be believed, Cleanse Mania is affecting rich women and fameballs alike.

Rodale, publisher of Men's Health, Prevention, Running magazine, and other clean living rags, doesn't allow its employees to smoke anywhere on its property. So instead they all go smoke in the park across the street.

On Dancing with the Stars, adorably lumpy Apple cofounder Steve Wozniak pranced his way into our hearts with a broken foot. Even the judges warmed to him. No one called him a "Teletubby" this time!

Political strategist Joe Trippi has enraged the diabetic community, by saying that many of them would like to see some more stem cell research in order to maybe cure diabetes. NO WAY, they say!

Good lord. New York Post columnist Braden Keil died Tuesday night. His funeral was held at 11:30 this morning. How long, do you think, before the first PR pitch pegged to his death came in?

Can anything stop Steve Wozniak, the goofy billionaire Apple cofounder who's waltzing across TV screens nationwide on ABC's Dancing With the Stars? Apparently not — not a roasting by the judges. Not even a fractured leg.

Just because everyone was mystified at Obama's desire to appoint teevee talking head (and real doctor!) Sanjay Gupta as Surgeon General doesn't mean we didn't want it. Alas, the dream may be is dead.

In the midst of a tour, stand-up comic Robin Williams checked into a Miami hospital with "heart issues," the Miami Herald reported. Drudge said the movie star is in "intensive care."

Jeremy Piven convinced five other actors his mercury poisoning is real, deadlocking a union hearing and sparing Piven penalties for leaving Speed the Plow. How did he do it? Maybe with some crying.

You'd think so, if you paid attention to the crusty old American Medical Association, which is hopping mad that the dopey ladysad film prominently and frequently featured brand-name cigarettes. Though, none were ever smoked.

It's Thursday—the day when the New York Times Style section constructs tenuous trend stories designed to infuriate us about largely illusory issues! Woo hoo! Today's trend: crazy parents turn their kids into health food zombies!

Steve Jobs won't attend Apple's shareholder meeting. He may have stopped using his computer altogether. No surprise, since the Apple CEO is on medical leave. But people just can't stop talking about him.

It could be! If a concerned reader and some troubling information about the cult is to be believed. The actress and Cruise-wife was at the SAG awards on Sunday, looking a bit... yellow.

A lordling of Silicon Valley, whom bloggers trust but don't dare name, surfaced to dismiss the notion that Steve Jobs, the ailing Apple CEO, was at Stanford Hospital for surgery Monday. Should we believe him?

Ailing Apple CEO Steve Jobs checked into Stanford Hospital over the weekend and was scheduled for surgery this morning, we hear.