The New York Times has appointed former restaurant critic Frank Bruni as its new Sunday (and Thursday) op-ed columnist. It sounds like he'll be taking over the big picture spot on the Sunday page that Frank Rich is vacating:

Oh man, just when my favorite show about a woman with multiple personality disorder was getting good, Showtime went and canceled the poorly-rated United States of Tara. I mean this is the network that lets Nancy Botwin run completely rampant on Weeds for about three seasons too many, but they're canning a show that won Toni Collette an Emmy and a Golden Globe? And since Diablo Cody can't write another hit (after Juno) and can't keep her show on the air, what is she going to do now?

Fox News chief Roger Ailes has been actively trying to recruit New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie to run for president, according to New York magazine's Gabriel Sherman. Because that's just what newsmen do. It's in their blood.

It seems that America's sweetheart might not be recording an album after all. Also today: Zach Galifianakis starts shit with January Jones, Wills and Kate swim with sharks, and Leo DiCaprio and Justin Timberlake know all the best ladies.

You've seen the internet meme that Princess Beatrice wore on her head so people would notice her at the Royal Wedding, right? Of course you have, because the internet won't shut up about it! Well, she sold it on eBay yesterday for for two charities — $131,341.47 will go to Unicef and Children in Crisis.

Henceforth, P. Diddy will be known as "Swag," according to CNN. Well, for one week only. Of all of Diddy's many name changes, this is the dumbest.

Justin Bieber just launched a new perfume called "Someday." He told Women's World Daily "I have such a deep connection with my fans, so creating a fragrance that I personally love is another way I can bring them closer to my world."

And on the fifteenth minute of his Nazi scandal, Lars von Trier issued an apology to Israeli newspaper Haaretz:

Greetings, faithful reader. We assume you are reading this on Sunday, after the Rapture did not occur on Saturday as you believed it would. How do you deal with such a stunning turn of events? We're here to help.

Arnold's former underage fling describes several other affairs, one of which Maria supposedly knew about. The Brangelina brood makes a "giant mess" in Cannes. Lea Michele throws a tantrum over a dress. It's TGIFriday gossip.

A day after an ad campaign demanding the resignation of Ronald McDonald appeared in newspapers around the country, McDonald's CEO Jim Skinner rushed to the clown's defense, and defended his company's right to peddle toxic food to children, telling a shareholder meeting that "this is about choice."

Remember Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, the amazing airline pilot who cured 9/11 by safely landing a damaged plane in the Hudson? Yeah, he's great. Well, he was great.

The Smoking Gun got its hands on Katy Perry's 45-page concert rider. Boy, does this little lady have some really big demands, including that her driver not try to talk to her, and no carnations ever!

Tonight marks Katie Couric's final broadcast as the anchor of CBS Evening News. It's the end of a well-intentioned but fruitless experiment. Sad. Sadder still, Katie still doesn't officially have a new job lined up. That's what friends are for!

New York Times star tech columnist David Pogue and his wife were charged with disorderly conduct after a domestic dispute turned physical. Shortly after appearing in court, Pogue spoke at a fundraiser for victims of domestic violence. Awkward.

Lars von Trier is "doing [his] best" to satiate his leading lady's appetite for porn. Woody Allen says he wants to fuck all of his leading ladies. Zsa Zsa Gabor falls into a coma. Janice Dickinson loses her teeth. Thursday gossip takes a Nazi pervert at his word.

Danish director Lars von Trier probably thought saying "I'm a Nazi," and other stupid, unfunny things at the Cannes film festival was funny. The festival's board didn't, and today declared him "a persona non grata," and gave him the boot.

While we're busy contemplating what an awful human being Arnold Schwarzenegger is for fathering a child out of wedlock and lying to his wife about it for 14 years, let's not forget all the other horrible things about America's favorite gay-porn-modeling, serial lady-groping, Nazi politician/statutory rapist.

Forbes has released their annual Celebrity 100 List, in which celebrity power is ranked using a dartboard complicated algorithm. The big news this year is that Oprah Winfrey, who's held the top spot for four of the last seven years, has been dethroned by Lady Gaga.

Today we looked at another sad Wal-Mart story, this one about how no one likes their clothes. Naturally this prompted you lot to commence the Wal-Mart bashing and Target praising, but one lone voice cried out in dissent.