One would think the upside of a new Depression would be a return to 1930s Art Deco glamour. But the Rainbow Room, which opened in 1934, is closing its famed New York restaurant.

The identity of the supporting star of the new reality shitshow The City was such a mystery! Until we got the best email ever.

Tom Cruise bought a special car to ward off anti-Scientology protesters and other agents of Xenu; Britney Spears can ward off the blues with the sari from her new boyfriend.

Here is a wonderful sentence drunk crank Christopher Hitchens wrote about huckster pop-pastor Rick Warren:

Wanna know why Bill Clinton hates Barack Obama so much? Because our Hopey President-elect is basically rerunning the entire script of Clinton's '92 campaign, including the Obama meme-of-the-day: chafing at life inside "the bubble."

Even Christmas was a disappointment this year. Can we move on to 2009 already? This week, it was the holi-daze!

[Two divers at an aquarium in Seoul wish you a Merry Christmas. So do I! (and, you know, Joyous Channukah and whatnot); image via Getty]

The power is yours! Prices are slashed, you can return anything, you can haggle for discounts. Designer gear was flying off the racks at Barneys this weekend. It's all so tragic!

[Famous rich lady Victoria Beckham with the Gabbana part of Dolce & Gabbana in Milan; image via Getty]

Oh, hey, look, it's Barack Obama, being elitist and hating America, during a depression. Prepare to see this photo of the president-elect playing golf throughout the right-wing media, and probably everywhere.

Hiram Monserrate, a Queens Democrat and state senator-elect, will be taking his oath of office on January 1, even though he allegedly slashed his girlfriend's face with a broken glass.

New tidbits about the Jeremy Piven-destroys-Broadway story keep coming. "Mercury-filled sushi made him sick!" "Wrong! He quit early because he parties too hard!" Etc. Now an insider with the show, Speed-the-Plow, has provided some details.

A contract has already been cut with former Time and Fortune writer Richard Behar for a book on ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, arrested one week ago today. Joe Nocera, ear your heart out!

[Ponzi schemer Bernie Madoff, who's on partial house arrest until he faces trial for robbing everyone of billions of dollars, takes a leisurely stroll through the Upper East Side this afternoon; image via Getty]

It's winter, and Anderson Cooper has a European friend to help stock his closet. Britney Spears turned to her ex-husband for warmth, and Alec Baldwin's rising blood pressure warmed an entire Westin ballroom.

The $50 billion Bernie Madoff Ponzi scheme claimed lots of big-name victims. Now, a few days into the investigation, the Hollywood connections are coming out. Fun!

Aside from the shoe thrower himself, the other victim of Sunday's shoe attack was White House press secretary Dana Perino, who returned to the White House yesterday with a black eye.

For weeks, the Anna Wintour rumors coming out of Condé Nast concerned the Vogue queen's failures and purportedly impending departure. Now someone is spreading word about the Dear Editor's glorious success. Hmm.

[Update: Now with video!] Hero president George W. Bush placed his own life at risk today by visiting an Iraqi office, where he came under heavy shoe fire:

Yes, People is a softball celebrity magazine. But editor Larry Hackett has been defending his publication as a deeply ethical, serious crown jewel in the Time Inc. empire, despite its obvious kowtowing to powerful subjects like Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Who the hell is he kidding?