Though some may think otherwise (paging Paul Blart), Hollywood is plummeting into a serious financial mire. And now the biggest, importantest canary of 'em all has gone and croaked. Steven Spielberg can't get financing.

Every year someone starts moaning about the Academy Award voting procedures, saying they're unfair. This year it's the Wall Street Journal. They imagine a terrible alternate past in which Ishtar wins Best Picture.

When Jennifer Aniston feels sentimental, she plays her old Brad Pitt phone messages. When Guy Ritchie feels sentimental, he does gay karaoke. When Marc Jacobs feels sentimental, he screws rentboy-style, outside.

Michael Phelps continues to face the grave consequences of smoking a bong. He's suspended for three months by swimming's national governing body,which means no financial support. Ouch, we guess?

[A child enjoys the Sapporo Snow Festival, along with some two million other tourists, in Japan; image via Getty]

Let's be clear: White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel did not rent an illegal basement apartment from Rosa DeLauro, a Congresswoman from Connecticut. That's because he stayed there for free. Actually, that's worse.

What happened to No-Drama Obama? As the blithe candidate of hope, he led a leakproof, gaffe-resistant campaign. Ever since the election, he's been exploding with scandal and gossip. Fantastic!

Rapper—uh, excuse me: artist—M.I.A. is due to give birth to her first kid on Sunday. She's also due to perform on the Grammy's that night. She figures she'll be late, so she's gonna perform.

Sarah Palin says she hates bloggers. Then why does she keep giving us so much good material? In an interview released today she reveals the origins of Bristol's name. Hint: It involves a motel.

The producers of this year's Oscars would really like you to watch the awards ceremony. Especially you, easily-marketed-to young men. They've even convinced your God, Judd Apatow, to do a short film!

Try not to get frustrated. Christian Bale may have yelled his way out of a gold statue, and Tom Cruise never stopped to think why those glib Brazilians weren't responding to his Spanish.

Not all troubled-company CEOs got the memo that people get really pissed when they fly on private jets. New York Times executives are still jet-setting, for example.

The Wall Street Journal wrote frequently about how the SEC ignored Harry Markopolos' warnings about Bernie Madoff. It slammed the agency for investigating "without much energy." Left unsaid: the Journal was itself apathetic.

At last, everyone is hearing Cassandra out. The doomed prophet has taken modern shape in Harry Markopolos, the Boston accountant who blew the whistle on Bernie Madoff. The SEC ignored him. Now Congress listens.

Those "TyGirlz" dolls named Sasha and Malia, the ones Michelle Obama viciously smeared as "inappropriate" (BURN!)? They're done. Gone forever. Finished. (Not exactly.)

He's the cheapskate of staff. Rahm Emanuel, Barack Obama's right-hand man, lives in a basement apartment on Capitol Hill rented to him by Congresswoman Rosa DeLauro. Just one problem: He's not allowed to live there.

Tom Daschle has dropped his bid to become Secretary of Health and Human Services after not paying taxes for a car and driver. He must be flashing back to his campaign ad from 1986.

When Bryant Park Corporation tried to evict New York Fashion Week in 2006, Anna Wintour wrote to the mayor; the alternative, Lincoln Center, was said too small. Funny how a recession can change things.

So far, so good: Speedo and watchmaker Omega said they're keeping endorsement deals with Michael Phelps, despite pictures of the champion swimmer smoking pot. But he must pretend to quit weed forever.

Just in case there was any doubt: Yes, the Steelers and Cardinals fans who made it out to Tampa are, in fact, insane.