The House just passed a bill to return most of the ill-gotten AIG bonus money to taxpayers. But the most guilty villains are in London, immune from our silly laws, laughing at us.

[An undersea volcano erupts six miles off the coast of Tonga yesterday, awesomely. Pic via Getty. Click to enlarge.]

It's hard being a celebrity: James Franco is getting mobbed by fellow students at Columbia; presumably the coeds will never provoke from him the sort of battery Kanye West allegedly inflicted on his oglers.

Did you know teenaged girls are still defending Chris Brown, despite him all but admitting to beating up Rihanna? It's true; the New York Times has been hanging with high schoolers to find out.

Actress Natasha Richardson passed away in a New York hospital following complications from the brain injury she incurred while skiing, according to a statement released by her family. She was 45.

Two AIG executives fingered by the New York Post as recipients of blood-money bonuses donated to the presidential campaign of Sen. Chris Dodd, who is fighting off claims of coziness with the toxic insurer.

Poor Tucker Carlson. His career was sidelined by Jon Stewart in a cruel sneak attack five years ago, and he's never gotten over it. Now he's trying to start a beef with his former tormentor.

Making the best of it: LeAnn Rimes' husband wasn't there to get her through cold Orange County nights, so she strayed; Nadya Suleman had to settle for just two of her eight babies.

Natasha Richardson completed her flight from Canada to New York, and then apparently to Lenox Hill Hospital amid fresh reports the Tony-award-winning actress is brain dead and family are saying goodbye.

It looks like Condé Nast editors will indeed have to cut their budgets another 10 percent, as previously suspected, including through layoffs in both advertising and editorial. But what will happen to the swankness?

Lou Dobbs is usually a belligerent xenophobe in honor of something Mexican, like a migrant worker, leprosy, asphalt or maybe just a cheese enchilada. Not today: The Irish made the CNN anchor insult everyone.

White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said this afternoon that Barack Obama has "complete confidence" in flailing Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner. Which means he will be fired shortly. How long? Here's a handy guide:

Every economic apocalypse needs a good crypto-fascist representative of the working man to drum up popular outrage. Last time around, it was Father Charles Coughlin. Who's going to answer the call now?

These days, ruined neocon actors scrounge for roles while Nancy Pelosi sings hippie drug songs in respected theaters and the liberal media elites run off to Canada to fornicate in public.

What is wrong with Joanne Lipman? Does the Portfolio editor detest business journalism? Is she trying to finally get fired? There must be some reason she's putting Sarah Palin on next month's cover.

Liam Neeson's wife, the actress Natasha Richardson, injured herself skiing in Canada and suffered a "traumatic brain injury," reports IrishCentral.com, citing a Montreal "hospital insider."

Ron Insana left CNBC three years ago to run a hedge fund. Like Lou Dobbs and Steven Rattner before him, he learned that actually succeeding in business is not as easy as covering success in business. So now he's begged a part-time reporting job from his old bosses. At least he'll be able to share his Wall-Street-insider wisdom with viewers. Just like Jim Cramer!

Ron Silver, the actor and Democrat-turned-Republican political organizer, died this morning after a two-year-battle with esophageal cancer. He was 62.

Jim Cramer knows how easy CNBC is to fool. He used to play the network himself. Here are five episodes from the stock speculator's past that could use some dusting off.

She died two years ago, but we're still addicted to Anna Nicole Smith. Now there's a new excuse to talk about the trashy Marilyn Monroe of our age: