It's all over but the cryin' for Dan Rather. A New York appellate court today tossed out his lawsuit against CBS News for breach of contract and fraud. So there's really no reason to pay attention to him anymore.

Is Kanye West considering rehab? Would Michael appreciate Janet's mournful gesture? Should we all just forget Mel Gibson's anti-Semitic ways? So many questions! Get some answers in your Tuesday morning gossip roundup....

Did you know that our President and his wife are black? Well, they are, and Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi finds that endlessly humorous.

In somewhat lighter news, let's all can the schadenfreude surrounding the cancellation of Mischa Barton's horrible model soap, The Beautiful Life. But think of all the lost souls cast out into the streets, like actress Sara Paxton.

Martha Stewart is inviting bloggers with iPhones and laptops into her studio audience. If it's an odd move for the notorious control freak, it's also a recipe for free publicity — and awful television.

[A man dressed as Hindu deity Hanuman leads a procession of other gods during the Dussehra festival in Amritsar today. Image via Getty]

Elon Musk and Hendrik Fisker are mortal enemies in the green car business. Yet the feds just split a billion dollars between the two companies. If that sounds like a bad idea, blame Al Gore.

The Way We Live Now: Rootin-tootin! Hot as a tamale! The market is booming! Stocks are soaring! Investors are throwing, literally, packets of money, as projectiles! They hit companies and companies merge together! Bulls are running the streets! Dangerously!

We take our eye off the Detroit News for a few days and what happens? Former NYT movie critic and amateur cigar smuggler Elvis Mitchell is found to owe the IRS half a million bucks. Slow down, Elvis!

Weep, struggling members of the creative underclass, for your secret aspirations are drawing to a close: this may be the very last month of Conde Nast, Luxury Version. Coming soon: Conde Nast, Wailing Version.

Gossip types are absolutely atwitter over the news that Weeds star Mary-Louise Parker has a new boyfriend, singer Charlie Mars. But not everyone's celebrating. In an email entitled "Cougar Goes Too Far," one irate tipster claims Parker's a man-stealing tart.

Pam Anderson's back to her roots. Bethenny Frankel's venturing out on her own. And Jeremy London actually got some press. But it's not good. Happy Monday! Here's your gossip roundup.

[This artful gentlemen attracts plenty of onlookers while parading around during the international London Tattoo Convention, which started today. Image via Getty]

[All eyes are on human Muppet Donatella Versace as she greets the crowd at her fashion show in Milan last night. Image via Getty]

Iran's been amping up its nuclear program at a secret facility, which the U.S. knew about but wasn't saying anything until now. Which makes it awfully unfortunate for Newsweek, which reported "exclusively" last week that Iran's nuke program was dormant.

We heard rumors that the team behind the Real Housewives of Atlanta were working on an all-gay version of the franchise. It's really going to happen. This is the best thing to happen to gay people since poppers!

Can you believe that it's taken Tinsley Mortimer this long to get a reality TV show? Well, the rumors are true, and she's headed to the home of all things glorious and sophisticated: The CW.

It turns out Harvey Weinstein, the mogul behind Inglorious Basterds, is on something of a kill-crazy mission of his own. His Weinstein Co. is firing staff, not paying back some debt and tossing aside loan covenants, says the WSJ.

California's gay war continues! Almost a year after voters squashed hundreds of homo dreams, the group Love Honor Cherish filed a measure yesterday to put gay marriage back on the ballot. That may not be the best idea.

The steaming pile of bullshit news surrounding late pop-star Michael Jackson continues to ooze out of every single one of society's pores. Today's tale? He loved Adolf Hitler. A lot!