What do rapey secret leaker Julian Assange and greedy imbecile Sarah Palin have in common? Both love money, and have trademarked their names in pursuit of making more of it.

Did James Franco enact the most satisfying zit-popping known to man after the Oscars? Rob Pattinson and Kristen Stewart make out on a dance floor. Bieber and Selena Gomez make love with their hands. Melissa Leo rather regrets dropping an f-bomb. Monday gossip is an Oscars hangover.

Louis Farrakhan! No matter how hard you try to like the guy, out of a vague sense of liberal guilt, it never works out for long. What did Farrakhan say in his big four-hour "Saviour's Day" speech yesterday?

Well, that's that! The 2011 Academy Awards have come and gone. That means it's time for Gawker's Brian Moylan and Richard Lawson to tear the miserable thing to shreds.

Oscar Sunday is Hollywood's most important fashion night, as the movie stars debut looks that will be copied this spring at proms the nation over. Here's our galleryof highlights from tonight's showing. [Photos via Getty Images]

Not invited to the 83rd annual Academy Awards ceremony tonight? Don't have a swanky Oscar party to go to? Don't worry! You can hang here with us and help us cover Hollywood's biggest night.

Charlie Sheen wants a big advance for his forthcoming tell-all book. David Beckham is actually Jesus, and he has a tattoo to prove it. Some Real Housewives kicked some ass in a bar fight. It's a greedy, seedy Saturday gossip.

Today we heard the story of a Congressman who laughed at an assassination joke, in public, at a town hall meeting. Yay! All he's done in response has been issue a late-coming condemnation of the joke. Huh?

In advance of Sunday night's Academy Awards, a million magazines and websites have been predicting who will end up winning the big awards. But what about all the other things people will be talking about Monday morning? Here are our predictions for the things you really care about.

Just a week before he shows his new collection at Paris Fashion Week, Dior suspended whackadoo designer John Galliano after he got in a fight and made anti-Semitic comments to a couple at a Paris bar. Damn, usually Galliano only has run-ins with the fashion police.

Women begin to flee Charlie Sheen and CBS cancels his show, but he says they just "can't handle my power." Dianna Agron's "psycho" ex-boyfriend's house catches fire. Christina Aguilera gets drunk and bangs her boyfriend in the bathroom at a family get-together. TGIFriday gossip.

The lady network has had success with the Holloway story before, so they're going again. Great. Also today: a show gets canceled, Paul Rudd is the king of Ireland, and Kim Kardashian takes a stab at legitimacy.

Rolling Stone is trying to add another general to its head count: Michael Hastings, the reporter who dispatched Gen. Stanley McChrystal last year, is reporting that Gen. William Caldwell, who is in charge of training Afghan forces, used Army psychological operations troops to try to influence VIP visitors, including U.S. senators.

During a recent Real Housewives marathon, I came to a realization: You can identify a rich lady's hometown by the look on her face. Trend-wise, it turns out that cosmetic surgery is more like cosmetics than surgery: Women who live near and socialize with each other end up looking physically similar by dint of plumping, slicing, lifting, and blasting with Botox. A guide to the surgically enhanced faces of Real Housewives.

Charlie Sheen goes on a "private adult vacation" with a porn star, a stoner sex kitten, and his ex. Lindsay Lohan considers a plea deal requiring six months of jail time. Hugh Hefner sets a date for his wedding to a 24-year-old. Thursday gossip harshes the mellow.

A British judge has ruled that Wikileaks founder Julian Assange can be extradited to Sweden to face rape and sexual molestation charges there. The judge says Sweden's extradition request is legitimate; Assange says Sweden will just be a detour on the way to Guantanamo Bay if England grants it. He has vowed to appeal to England's high court as well as the European Court of Human Rights (because all humans have a right not to face inconvenient criminal charges.) He's currently out on bail; according to the New York Times, the continued conditions of that bail are still under discussion in the courtroom.

Today we heard the somewhat exciting news that the high witch of Delaware, professional election loser Christine O'Donnell, might do Dancing With the Stars. Yay! That's fun. But what songs will she dance to? One commenter knows.

"I f—ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that's the truth." — George Clooney on why he doesn't have any plans to pursue a career in politics anytime soon. [Newsweek]

Much to the disappointment of Maggie Gallagher and her troll-people hordes, Attorney General Eric Holder announced today that the DoJ will no longer defend the controversial 1995 Defense of Marriage Act in federal courts. A huge win for the gays.

In a cleavage-baring top and chunky jewelry, Lindsay Lohan reported to court today court for the grand theft of a $2000 necklace. Per usual, the appearance was livestreamed on TMZ. The judge announced that if Lindsay Lohan accepts a plea bargain—as her lawyer has said she'd like to do—it will have to include jail time. "If you plead in front of me, you are going to jail, period. If the case settles here, you will go to jail," Judge Keith Schwartz said. Worrying about whether the ruined starlet would become a "repeat offender," he asked for "additional psychological information" and made his lack of interest in LiLo's celebrity clear: