A three-year-old in Lake City, Florida, brought 20 grams of marijuana to school before another student ratted him out to the teacher. They start them early these days, don't they? And since when do three-year-olds go to school?

The race for Florida's Eighth Congressional District is getting dirty! Democratic Congressman Alan Grayson has a new television ad attacking his GOP opponent, Dan Webster, and it's pretty nasty: "Taliban Dan Webster: Hands off our body –- and our laws."

Negotiators just arrived at a Florida bank, where a hostage situation is under way.

A Florida woman was arrested yesterday after a YouTube video surfaced showing her egging on her 16-year-old daughter during a brawl with another teenage girl. The video shows April Newcomb midway through the fight telling her daughter, "Don't fucking stop."

An advertisement for a Florida law firm: "If you and your spouse hate each other like poison and want to get out of the hellhole you call a marriage, you've come to the right place." Not pulling any punches here!

Miami police this week arrested a woman for posing as a doctor and injecting another woman's butt cheeks to make them "look perfect." It didn't turn out so well — the victim passed out from the pain and almost died.

Waterbridge Elementary School in Orlando, Florida was locked down this week due to a suspicious package/bomb scare. But wait... it turns out that it was a TOY PONY. But they still blew it up! The hilarious local news report, inside.

Florida Gov. Charlie Crist, who's running for Senate as an independent, has this new ad out in which he takes individual letters from "DEMOCRATS" and "REPUBLICANS" to spell "AMERICANS," in alternating colors. How lovely! Too bad he cheats like hell.

Two terminals at Miami International Airport were evacuated around 9 p.m. and evacuees "put into a large room," reportedly because of a "Texas man" with something suspicious (deep-fried beer?) in his luggage. The concourses may be closed all night. [Pic]

Weird playboy billionaire Jeff Greene, still bitter over his random, failed Senate campaign in Florida, will sue two newspapers for $500 million over some inaccuracies in their otherwise brutal campaign exposes. He's really not taking this loss well, huh?

Florida Congressman Alan Grayson, the sarcastic freshman known for going on MSNBC to insult Republicans everyday, has released a surprisingly earnest TV ad, in which children build up to a rousing "Alan Grayson saved our schools!" chant. It's slightly over-the-top.

A bunch of states held primary elections on Tuesday night, and I know what you're thinking: More elections, really? Can't Obama do something about that? But don't despair! These ones featured America's second choice for President, Arizona Senator John McCain!

The tropical depression near Florida has been given a name—Danielle. It should become a hurricane this week.

The director of the Bay County Area Animal Shelter in Florida has resigned in disgrace after it was discovered that an employee took home a pet pig named "Fluffy," butchered and ate it. Of course the pig's name was "Fluffy."

Gainesville, Florida's Dove World Outreach Center really wants to burn some Korans on 9/11, damnit! And even though the city has denied them a "burn permit" for the occasion, they're doing it anyway. USA, USA!

Apparently Barack Obama's not-sexy-enough photo of him swimming in the Gulf of Mexico, designed to show its safety for tourists, was not technically taken in the Gulf — just an inner bay, where all water is from the Gulf. Caught!

[The First Family took a cruise in Panama City Beach, Florida this morning to help promote tourism in the wake of the Deepwater Horizon oil spill. Image via Getty]

The Gulf Coast: Devastated by hurricanes and oil spills. But nothing can compare to the latest insult. President Barack Obama has refused to strip down and show off his sculpted pecs to the press on a pristine Florida beach.

Weird billionaire Florida Senate candidate Jeff Greene is threatening a libel suit against the St. Petersburg Times, whose vicious reports about his employee treatment, vomit-caked yacht parties and sleazy real estate deals have demonstrated that he's one priceless asshole.

Worried that little Jimmy's been playing with his sister's dollies? Notice a certain limpness in Bobby's wrists? Well nip that problem in the bud by sending him to karate school. That'll cure Nanciness! So say these karate school ads, anyway.