Mitt Romney, as expected, has won the Florida primary with a solid 14.5 point lead over Newt Gingrich with 96% of precincts reporting. Newt responded to the spanking in his usual gracious fashion with what sounded suspiciously like a victory speech (he didn't bother to congratulate Romney) and instead declared the Republican race henceforth a contest between himself, the "conservative leader" who is not actually leading in any credible polls these days, and the "Massachusetts moderate."

After discovering that the Fear Factor episode in which they chugged mugs of donkey semen and urine had been canceled, twins Brynne and Claire Odioso called into Tampa radio's Cowhead Show to describe their harrowing ordeal. Shortly thereafter, Brynne told me by phone today, NBC-Universal told her to STFU.

Here's former political person Sarah Palin continuing her weird quest to endorse Newt Gingrich without really endorsing him, telling weekend Fox News muppet Jeanine Pirro that Republicans should vote for Newt Gingrich now to "rage against the machine" and "annoy a liberal."

Our old friend Herman Cain delighted the internet — if not the Gingrich campaign — by officially endorsing Newt Gingrich in Florida Saturday night. No, I can't say for sure that Gingrich didn't appreciate the plug, but I think the NBC News story said it best.

God, Newt Gingrich blew it so badly in last night's debate. After lobbying for several days to allow debate audiences to cheer again, and landing Wolf Blitzer, the most destructible sally of a debate moderator in world history, he simply allowed Mitt Romney to take advantage of the crowd and win the debate and couldn't even scream Wolf Blitzer back into his cubby hole of sadness once.

Your daily reminder that teenagers are monsters: An 18-year-old Kenny Clements is suing his high school newspaper for using a photo of his face to illustrate a factually dubious article about STDs. ("Two-thirds of the U.S. population under the age of 22 has an STD"? Need source, Diana Santacruz.)

Except for that one clip of the two teenage girls fighting out back in the circle pit while the mother encourages them on, this one from a Newt Gingrich rally is about as good as videos of annoying Floridians being annoying (at length) come. This lady shows up and heckles Gingrich monotonously and without interruption for minutes — the first couple of which Gingrich engages her — while she staves off everyone calling her a moron, an asshole, and so on, until the camera is swatted away.

Meet Rita Lawlor. She is seven years old, and recently received an award from the Sarasota County Fire Department for saving her mother's life. Upon finding her mother unconscious in their home, little Rita "called 911, but first I slapped her with a piece of pizza." [Buzzfeed, MySunCoast]

Newt Gingrich was campaigning on Florida's Space Coast today when he decided, fuck it, I'm pandering: "By the end of my second term we will have the first permanent base on the moon and it will be American." Sure, why not. What about Mars? "Gingrich also said he would push to develop propulsion technology that would get man to Mars." He would merely "develop" the project. Such a cop-out.

Mitt Romney is in trouble — he's losing to Newt Gingrich, the worst presidential candidate in history who isn't named Mitt Romney. What sort of indignant attacks will he pull on Gingrich tonight, now that he's vowed to stop being such a baby? Let's watch and discuss, together, in this Open Thread. The debate starts now at 9:00, on NBC.

The Republican presidential nominating contest is blowing wide open, as candidates move from the boring grassroots-organizing lowlands of Iowa and New Hampshire to the broader markets of South Carolina, Florida, Arizona, Michigan, Nevada, Colorado, and everywhere else. So we've compiled a list of collectibles that you — the resident, reporter, operative, thief, cad, provocateur, etc. — can procure for your beloved Gawker Political Desk in return for fair compensation. What are we looking for?

Thanks to a million big-tittied cocktail waitresses, Elin Nordegren is rich off the millions of her ex-husband Tiger Woods. So rich that she bought a $12 million mansion just to knock it down. Now she's going to build a new house on the property. Actually, she's going to build the same exact house.

Tiger Woods' recluse ex-wife Elin Nordegren got a $100 million dollar settlement after her husband fucked every Brandi, Krystal, and Hooter's Waitress Tammi in the entire country. She has so much money now that she's just wasting it by buying mansions and then ripping them down for fun.

The investigation into Oneal Ron Morris—the Floridian fake doctor accused of preying on the transgender community and injecting "cement, Fix-a-Flat, mineral oil, and superglue" into patients—has expanded to include "as many as 30" victims, the New York Daily News reports. Victims of "The Duchess" are coming forward from as far away as Indiana, The Miami Herald reports, and the Department of Health is now involved. [NYDN, Miami Herald]

On tonight's Daily Show, Jon Stewart took a look at the controversy surrounding TLC's new show, All American Muslim, and the Tampa-based group that hates it. Because the Muslims depicted in the show aren't shown to be terrorists bent on destroying America, the Florida Family Association can't abide it. Like most zealots, all they want is their stereotypes reinforced. Is it too much to ask for Bravo to whip up a season of the The Real Martyrs of Jalalabad? Sheesh.

Why did high school cop Donnie Riggins show up to work on Halloween 2011 dressed up as a ladyparts doctor—complete with "Gynecologist, Dr. Harry Beaver" name badge, fake teeth, and wig? We can think of four possible reasons:

Teenage Floridian Vanessa Gibbs missed her plane ride home from Norfolk, Va. the other day because her purse featured a gun-shaped applique that TSA agents deemed illegal as a "replica" gun. Commence adding bold western wear to your list of "TSA-banned fashions," underneath snake pants and hummingbird pants.

What is going on in the metropolitan Jacksonville, Florida, Duval County USA law enforcement community these days, I wonder? "Guns play a vastly larger role in Jacksonville's violent crime than in other big Florida communities, researchers at the University of North Florida have found." Weird! What else though? Any good... charity events?

Successfully smuggling little bags of pot (and pot seeds) into jail is difficult enough. How do you smuggle in a whole lady? Especially a stripper-lady, who might look conspicuous in her Lucite goldfish shoes, neon spandex underpants, and bare-boobs ensemble?

Another alleged victim of Oneal Ron Morris—the Floridian fake doctor accused of injecting "cement, 'Fix a Flat,' mineral oil, and superglue" into her patients—has come forward. Rajee Narinesingh tells Miami's CBS affiliate that she heard about Morris by "'word of mouth' in the transsexual community," and underwent the procedures out of desperation: