America is little more than prairie riddled with chain stores and fast food restaurants, so when a big national store it's bankrupt, it's a bit like losing a vapid but beloved family member. We just lost Borders. Is Quiznos next?

Rupert Murdoch's Times of London leveled a devastating charge today, via the cartoon above, at the reporters bent on getting to the bottom of News International's apparent vast criminal conspiracy: What about the children? Will somebody please think of the children? Or at least Britney Spears' farts? Anything but hacking, thanks.

A Spanish memorabilia collector named Mikel Barsa is trying to get $500,000 at auction for what he claims is an 8-mm Marilyn Monroe sex tape, shot when she was "an underage actress." It's six and a half minutes long, and Barsa told the AP that it's the exact same as a 16-mm version that surfaced in the 90s.

Andrew DeYoung was to be executed via lethal injection on Wednesday night in Georgia — an execution of some historic significance, in that it was to be the first to be videotaped in nearly two decades. But his execution was postponed at the last minute, and officials aren't saying why.

Celebrity theraploitationist Dr. Drew Pinsky will air his interview with Bristol Palin on his HLN talk show tonight. In this preview clip, watch as Pinsky really, really tries to get her to say she wasn't just knocked-up by Levi Johnston, but that she was raped by him.

Via Towleroad, we revisit this Star Tribune article from 2006 on then-congresswoman Michele Bachmann's fabulous fashion sense. In it, Michele spilled the beans about the secret styling weapon she keeps stashed inside her walk-in closet:

Track Palin and Britta Hanson, Sarah Palin's eldest son and his wife, are doing exactly what the Bible says you should do: They're being fruitful and multiplying. They're also doing something the Bible doesn't really make much mention of: They're registering at Target!

On Monday, Rebecca Black assaulted us with the music video for her latest single, "My Moment." Now, behold its behind-the-scenes counterpart. In this clip, Rebecca talks about wardrobe fittings (fun!), dancing (so glad to be getting back into it!), kids struggling with bullying (she knows how you feel!) and more. Is her moment over with yet?

On tonight's Report, Stephen Colbert reviewed Rupert Murdoch's testimony yesterday before a British parliamentary panel and the moment when Murdoch was hit in the face with a pie. After noting that News Corp.'s stock shot up right after Murdoch was attacked, Colbert wondered if we shouldn't be throwing more items at the disgraced CEO's face. A clip of the segment is above.

Billionaire New York Philosopher-King Mike Bloomberg has decided to purchase a Hamptons estate for $20 million, because, well, when you have that much money, why not?

Al Sharpton will almost certainly be the host for MSNBC's recently opened-up 6 p.m. time slot, reports The New York Times, which describes the hiring as "imminent." He's actually been "guest-hosting" in that slot for the last three weeks, if you are among the apparent millions who tune in; previously, the spot was occupied by Cenk Uygur, who left claiming he'd been told by MSNBC president Phil Griffin that "people in Washington... did not like [his] tone." (Griffin says he told Uygur to adjust his body language.) Our choice for the 6 p.m. slot would have been a constant replay of Mark Halperin saying the word "dick," but we're not in charge. [NYT, photo via AP]

Rupert Murdoch appeared before a British parliamentary committee yesterday to testify about his knowledge of the News of the World phone hacking scandal, a subject Jon Stewart touched on during last night's Daily Show. Stewart returned to Murdoch once again tonight, but this time he focused on the crime-fighting abilities of Murdoch's wife, Wendi Deng, as well as the shoutfest that is Parliament itself.

Feeling the heat? Why not take your kids down to Indiana's Roberts Park Family Aquatic Center? Just try not to look at the two people having sex in the pool!

Saturday Night Live comedian Al Franken is a senator now, for whatever reason, and while it won't ever not be weird to see him being all serious in those big fancy buildings, he makes a better senator than Kevin Nealon would've. Like today, when, during a Senate hearing on the Defense of Marriage Act, he (in the words of Think Progress) "destroy[ed]" a representative of conservative activist group "Focus on the Family"! He didn't literally "destroy" the guy, of course; he just patiently and condescendingly explained to him that he did a stupid thing. Which is the next best thing to actual destruction. [Think Progress]

Seventeen men and women were arrested in Brooklyn on Wednesday and charged with running a pricey prostitution business called "High Class NY". A lucrative prostitution business, too—according to the D.A.'s office, the company raked in $7 million over three years.

Have you ever stayed in a hotel and been kept awake all night by someone snoring in another room? Well, I certainly haven't, but it seems to be a big enough problem that the owners of the Crowne Plaza hotels are now employing snore monitors to make sure no one is sawing logs in the "quiet zones" of their establishments.

It's hot, huh? The whole country is burning up. Make sure you stay cool out there! Especially make sure that you don't get heatstroke, bite a zookeeper, attack a police officer, and get yourself killed by the cops.

Everyone's favorite '90s villainess will soon be back on your TV. Be afraid! Also today: Someone's already upset with The X Factor, a Mormon book becomes a Mormon movie, and the strangest person is going to play the devil.

Germany's largest building is a six-story, four-kilometer Nazi-built resort called Prora, located on an island in the Baltic Sea. Originally called "Kraft durch Freude" (Strength Through Joy), it's big enough to house 20,000 people. It was supposed to be even bigger, but World War II disrupted its construction. The building languished mostly unused until three and a half years ago, when a youth hostel moved in. I sense a Hostel sequel coming on.

Barry Diller's new website Proust.com connects seniors with young "family members and close friends" who want to interact with them. This is a type of situation Barry Diller is something of an expert on!